The this being epilepsy.
I've been awake all but three hours since about nine am on New Years Eve. Insomnia is not new for me but this bout may have an underlying cause.
The last few mornings I have awoken to leg cramps. Usually my calf, hamstring or quadricep. Besides being alarming and extraordinarily painful they are something I associate with grand mal events as they are usually precursors to them. I usually seize while I am asleep and usually in the wee hours of the morning.
I think that is why at least on a subconscious level I have not slept, to ward away the grand mal.
Now it seems I have not had one in almost two years. Since I threw away the medication that was making me incoherent and not stopping my seizure activity anyway.
I haven't had an absence seizure for a month, how would I know? I helped my daughter move her apartment and later that week I ran an errand for someone which involved alot of walking. When I got to her shop I was exhausted. I was getting my bearings when I realized she was asking me if I was alright. I'm assuming I had one of my major space outs. I mumbled I was just tired and ignored it as I do most of my medical issues. I'm on state funded care so I really have little choice.
Getting to see a neurologist means a three month wait for an appointment. I will forget about the appointment in that time so why bother? I actually at one point did get the referral and scheduled for an appointment. But I forgot about it and now the one that people are allowed to see on state insurance will not see me because of a missed appointment. Hell of a way to thin the herd.
So how do I convince my subconscious, that it is safe for me to sleep? Or that I will not awaken to one of my leg muscles trying to rip itself off the bone? Or worse my Pootie trying to breathe into my mouth and yowling like only a Siamese can because I have had a seizure and she wants me to awaken so I don't go into a coma?
Hard things to ponder nearing midnight on the first day of the year.
12:23 AM PT: I'm going to try reading in bed again. That usually works although not of late.
11:04 AM PT: Woke up at 10 am.