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I was a nice, nonpolitical suburban Republican housewife with a husband, two kids, a dog, a cat, and two fish, plus a garden...until the War on Women started. To me, it began with Susan G. Komen's defunding of Planned Parenthood. I immediately donated to Planned Parenthood, joined their Action Fund, and joined a Facebook group called De-Fund the Komen Foundation.

Since I love research far more than laundry, I started digging into Komen. I found a lot of unsavory things, and they led to the GOP's war on women. I got angry, and joined more groups on Facebook. One is a group that tracks anti-women and anti-abortion legislation throughout the country, known as Fight Laws Against Women (FLAW).

We came together while posting requests for gynecological help on Rick Perry's Facebook wall. Most of us have since been banned by Rick Perry. This is a badge of honor :-) Our fearless leader had the brilliant idea of tracking evil legislation throughout the country. We started documents by state, and then blitzed the Facebook walls of the Gyno governors and other legislators. We asked for their help with icky female medical problems, wondered what their mothers would think if they knew that lady parts were being discussed in the hallowed halls of justice, and berated them for their ties to ALEC. We are currently celebrating the defeat of bills in Idaho, Georgia, and Arizona, although we are not actually taking credit, of course. We come from all over the world, not just America. We aren't all women, either.

We were attacked by vicious trolls and shills, but stoutly stood our ground. Our fearless leader had commanded us to "Go forth and postify." And thus the Book of Fallopians was born.

Since ranting religious nutjobs like St. Torum are vying for the highest office in the land, (actually I think he is trying to expiate his own Catholic guilt) and Dennis Terry has exposed what the Christian far right REALLY thinks, we decided that we could best relate to them on a religious level. Some of these politicians are so stupid that they will probably think it exists in the part of the Bible that they've never read.

But here is the Book of Fallopians, as it currently stands:

Go Forth and Postify! Fallopians 3:20

If you mistreat our sisters of the Ovarian Gang and enslave them with your laws, WE WILL BE WATCHING and we will reveal your ignorance and set you free from your positions! Fallopians 3:26

‎Rejected will you be, oh men, to attend to thy needs by thyself- alone and away from us, and preferably in the shower or when we are out of the house and please don't bother telling us about it either! OY- for you have allowed these elephants to occupy our bodies and thus we have no room for you...  Fallopians 4:28 - 5:5

‎"Thou shalt stop passing anti-women bills that are anathemas to right-thinking women and men." Fallopians 3:19

Thou shalt ignore men in $1000 suits...or men in 'dresses' and funny hats Fallopians 3:12

‎And women from their very loins made all the politicians who bargin and govern the world. So if they piss us off- we shall relieve them of their place. Fallopians 3:25

Thou shalt not fervorify about the sins of others whilst coveting the ass of your neighbours wife...we're looking at you Newt... Fallopians 4:1

Take heed, ye men of legislature, for no longer can you sneak about the chambers enacting bad bills. We shall postify and thou wilt be shamed, for thou art bad men. Fallopians 2:16

And for those of you who art bad, and art Representatives, thy days of doom art coming in November, when thou shalt be ejected from thy seat and cast upon the dunghills. Fallopians 5:22

For we are strong, and we are many; we shall belabor thy Facebooks with humorous postings, and expose thy foolishness to all and sundry. We shalt assign fitting nicknames, and thou wilt be known forevermore by these names. Fallopians 6:12

Thou shall not pit woman against woman in order to secure blood money for thyself- For this is the most hateful of all offenses! Fallopians 3:28

"Let he who is without uterus shove a trans vaginal ultrasound wand up his gluteus maximus" Fallopians 9:11

Now I REALLY have to do laundry.

7:57 PM PT: And a few more! I hope that it's clear that several of us are writing these, not just me :-)

And so it was that a plague descended on all the women, elephantitis of the uterus. But she stood up and delivered her fury onto those that perpetrated against her. Fallopians 7:44

Woman shall rule over the male because without her there can be no procreation. Fallopians 1:20

Verily I say unto thee...we shall have dominion over our ladybits Fallopians 8:12

Originally posted to Something Fishy on Wed Mar 28, 2012 at 04:27 PM PDT.

Also republished by Sluts, Pro Choice, Abortion, and Community Spotlight.

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