Today I would like to make a father's day tribute to my unemployed blue collar man. Most folks don't realize that many blue collar guys have been forced to take up the slack in the parenting arena precisely because of the looming problem of having to "sit the bench". The result of this is that sometimes these blue collar men, become outstanding fathers. Because they have the gift of time. Because they have the gift of "presence".
Being unemployed takes a toll. We all know the disadvantages. But today, I would like to spend some time thanking my husband for being a father first and an electrician second. It might not be the way he wanted it, but today I am grateful. Today I want to make clear to my unemployed husband and the father of my children (and other blue collar guys in the same boat) that I know deep down that our family is lucky. That we are blessed by you, your job situation and even the economics of these times. Follow me over the fold for why we are so blessed.
My husband looks like a traditional blue collar guy. He has olive skin that is dark from working outside. He still has lots of muscles for a 50 year old guy. Years of physical labor make him stronger than most men his age. He spends hours working in the garage on cars, helps neighbors and friends with odd jobs, works on the yard and is most comfortable with a tool in his hand.
My husband used to drink a lot. He and I have been through many ups and downs. We have had a very traditional kind of blue collar life. Today he is sober...over 7 years now...and that takes courage. It takes courage to face unemployment, a lack of health care and two teenagers, without alcohol.
He is much like the stereo type. My husband has been 8 hours a day working outside in some of the most dangerous conditions. He has been outside working on the hottest and coldest days of the year in the extreme conditions of the mid west. He has to use his brain when working with electricity. It's not a brainless job. And as he calculates and measures, he must brave the cold, the heat, the chemicals in the air, the elements of an industrial job. But for blue collar men, fathers, there is much more to do when he gets home. And if he is unemployed, a full time, low status, thankless volunteer job awaits.
Because his job is never secure, I have to have a job that can cover all the bills. This is part of blue collar life, whether you work union or not. We chose the union when I got pregnant with our first child. With my pregnancy we decided that despite the obvious draw backs to union life, having disability insurance, with children on the way, was the only responsible thing to do. The non union shops had no disability and most had little or no health care. We had a long discussion about it. Yes, the pay is better, but we knew if he joined the union, politics would enter our lives, we knew that he might be out of work at times. From 1996 to 2001, he worked every day. But after 9/11 came the first lay off, and it lasted over a year. Then another one three years ago. And now.
It's a bad time to be in the union. But something happens once you have been there. Both he and I cannot go back. We understand fully now, the principle of the union. It's not the money, the health care, or the disability insurance. It's that without unions, no one has safety. Sure, quality of life is important...but the truth is that these men put their lives on the line every day. Without unions there would be nothing to stop corporations from pushing them as if their lives and bodies were meaningless next to the bottom line. It's about about protecting men and women who sacrifice their bodies for the community. Being an electrician, a cop, a fire fighter, a highway builder, a steam fitter...these are all very dangerous jobs. They are not mindless, or less stressful than an office man...these jobs are physically and mentally challenging. My husband is not a blue collar oaf....he is a hard working, self sacrificing man. And our family will gladly pay the price for all of you, to retain your safety, your wages, your rights. Unions set the bottom line. They set the standard for the rest of you. Because if the day comes when they no longer protect the lives of these people, you are next.
So, as is true in many blue collar homes, my job is a career. We both must work, and my hours are often long or odd hours. We both know however, that my education gave me an easier job. I couldn't do what my husband does. And my white collar childhood left me blind to the reality of blue collar life. I had no idea how hard these people work, or the sacrifices they make on a daily basis.
My husband has always had to pick up the slack as a father, in a way that many office men do not. He works 7 to 3...that meant that when the kids were little, he left several hours before they got up. He was home mid afternoon, and this saved on child care and allowed me to work evenings. He fed them bottles, changed diapers, and cleaned the house. He also made dinner, and took them to practices and after school events. He's not always comfortable doing these things, but he has had to do them and because he loved his family and he had the time, he did.
As the kids got older, he became the after school driver. He ran the children wherever they needed to go. He made sure they did their chores after school. He was a parent in the home so that they never came home to an empty house. He was always home before they were when he was working, and of course, he is always in the garage, when they get home while he is unemployed. It's not said often enough that the most important part of fatherhood is presence.
When I get a day off, I could look at his unemployment as a catastrophe (and it has cost us plenty) or I can be grateful that my husband can always get his mustang convertible going...and that he and I have spent many days all day long together, exploring river beds, and small towns, holding hands, and singing old songs! One of the few times our children come home after school to an empty house is in the spring or the fall, when he and I are out driving together. I know deep down that I am blessed because not only does my husband want to spend time with his kids, he wants to spend time with his wife too! Unemployment is hard on the pocket book but there is something magical about having a father and husband who is really home. Who is conscious and available to his family.
In many ways, I have the American dream husband. Fairly tale. He is ruggedly handsome, he can fix anything that breaks. I once watched him solder the brain board of our furnace in the middle of the night. Voila! Heat! Wake up, no heat, he fixes it. Wake up no air conditioning, he fixes it. My car breaks down, he fixes it. We don't pay thousand dollar car bills. He buys the parts and puts them on...and I usually get same day service. This alone is invaluable. He cooks, (he likes to add cheese alot but it always tastes really good!), he cleans, he mows, he takes care of the dog and he does the laundry.
People ask me how I put up with him being unemployed for such long stints. I just smile. I know deep down that I have the best of both worlds. He's sober, his children are his pride and joy. We get to give our children our time. He is home, watching them, running them around, he is available to them when they need him. He made the choice to give them "presence".
Unemployment is hard on his ego. It makes him feel less than a man sometimes. But today, I want him to know that I know, that we are the lucky ones, because we have him, home. We are the lucky ones, because he works union where there is at least some thought given to his safety and his quality of life. We are the lucky ones, because he is sober.
Thank you to all the union father's out there, who not only sacrifice their life and limbs to build our infrastructure but to the many men who also do double duty in the parenting realm. This is not something we talk much about because it doesn't fit the stereo type but many blue collar men are wonderful dads!! Thank you!
7:35 AM PT: I just want to share that I read this to him this morning when he got up. We both cried as I read it. He so needed to hear how much I appreciate that he is home for us! Now we are headed out to Father's day breakfast and a drive with our two teens in the convertible!