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My landlady has been pushing all my worst buttons for a few months now. She knows them, because her mother used them on her.

Tonight, she asked me an ambiguous question while turned away from me (I can't hear well over cooking noises if someone isn't facing me). The question was, "How are you guys doing?" but the tone of voice was combatitive. I really didn't know in what way she was asking (finances? relationship? job? general happiness?), so I asked her, politely, what she meant. I was confused.

She turned toward me and started yelling. "I don't want to play games!"

I told her I didn't want to play games, I just didn't understand the question, I'm messed up from my meds, and that I was sorry if I offended her.

She stomped around the kitchen and kept saying, "You don't want me to say what I'm thinking right now." She must have repeated it ten times.

I hurried up and got the load of laundry I was working on into the washer, grabbed Pùka and his things, and called Sarah. She can't leave work, but she's committed to trying to get us out of here by the end of the month.

But I'm having a panic attack, and I've already taken 2mg Klonazapam within the past 2 hours. I shouldn't take it again.

Can someone PLEASE come and get me out of here at least for tonight? Because unless she leaves soon, I'm very scared. I'm so so triggered.

Damn it, I can't help being disabled, or not being an extrovert, or having to titrate this damn medication that half the time makes me sleep 14-16 hours a day. I don't like it either. But being able to work in the garden for an hour doesn't make me NORMAL!

Please help me. I need to get out. I'm so scared. KosMail me.

4:31 PM PT: Going for a ride for a bit (I'm not driving). Don't want to scare anyone with no comments.

8:33 PM PT: Thank you, everyone. parsonsbeach drove down here and picked me up, and kept me over until my landlady was at work. We had a lovely time drinking tea, chatting, playing with the pups, and researching.

I am under very strict orders to give her a call if I need help again, and we shall raid old bookstores!

Also, thank you for the orders on my Etsy page. It was totally unexpected, as I was far away from my computer at the time, and my phone started making dinging noises at me. /hugs & kisses

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