Well, little people, I guess I have made my point!
Alone, unaided, without any outside assistance whatsoever, I have kicked off the Republican Folk Revival SINGLE-HANDEDLY! With my back-up band The Bain and great supporting acts like Joan Buyout and the Cayman Trio, I have played to cheering, SRO crowds! I have even received an Natl. Endowment for the Arts grant, so I won't be out of pocket for the fare for the audiences bused in from Utah!
Are you gonna say I didn't build THIS, Mr. Obama? (chuckle)
I'd like to kick off this concert with a favorite sacred selection of mine:
"Amazing Gross"
Amazing Gross, how sweet that sounds!
Net's saved offshore, tax-free!
I once had costs, but now they're down,
I outsourced overseas!
'Twas Gross that filled my heart with cheer
And Net my greed sustained,
How precious did that Gross appear
The hour I first saw Bain.
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come,
You'll see the crosses that I bear,
(When I can think of one!)
When I'm in pow'r the next four years
You won't see me for dust!
I'll cut ALL taxes for my peers,
As working stiffs go bust!
Joan Buyout, an incredible talent in her own right. (Regrettably she was fired on Monday. The management group that handles my road act made the decision. I'm not responsible.)
"The Ballad of Mitt Romney's Taxforms"
Mitt Romney was about three days old,
A -sittin' on his poppa's knee!
He picked up a tax form in his little hand;
Sayin,"Income tax'll be the death of me, Lord, Lord!
It's gonna be the death of me."
His poppa said to Mitt Romney,
"If you run for the president's seat,
Better show 12 years o' tax returns like me,
And whop them rumors that you cheat on down,
Whomp them rumors that you cheat!"
Now when Mitt Romney ran for the White House
He remembered what his poppa said,
But he said, "There's nothin' in them old saws,
Besides, my honored parent is dead, Lord, Lord!
Eeyup, the old bastard is dead!"
Mitt Romney said to the Pres'dent,
"A man ain't nothin' but a man,
But before I let you see the loot I scammed,
I'd die with my tax form in my hand, Lord, Lord!
Die with a taxform in my hand!"
Mitt Romney he went to London,
And showed 'em like a son of a gun!
He showed that town he was a Yankee clown,
But he never showed no tax returns but one, Lord, Lord!
He never showed no tax returns but one.
But the President kept hammerin' Romney
Sayin' "You've got your name to clear!"
Mitt knew he was cooked if he showed his books,
'Cause he never paid a cent in ten long years, Lord, Lord!
Never paid one cent in ten long years!
Now Mitt Romney had a little baby,
A little tyke of forty-nine,
The last words I heard that poor boy say,
"My daddy was a tax-dodging man, Lord, Lord!
My daddy was a tax-dodging man!"
Such enthusiastic crowds...what can I say except that I rock?
"I Pity the Poor Plutocrat"
I pity the poor plutocrat,
Who wishes he could've stayed home
Who tried to charm the Brits but got
The bird wherever he did roam.
A man endowed with every grace,
A Churchill, or at least a Harriman,
Who loves the Anglo-Saxon race,
Was made the butt of merriment!
Oh, pity the poor plutocrat
Whose money's spent in vain
Whose heaven's best unmentioned
Whose tears are like the rain
Who eats but is not satisfied
With cookies made by goons
Who worships lovely Wealth itself
Like any good tycoon.
Oh, pity the poor plutocrat
Who gets his wingtips mussed
While trampling proles who earn their bread
Into the dusty dust.
Whose election in the final end
Depends on boors unpleasant!
Do pity the poor plutocrat,
Who must make nice with peasants!
I know how you common folk like your game shows, contests, and such! So here's a contest: Name my new album (cover shown) Post your title below, and the underling who provides me with the best title will win unlimited unpaid vacation time, effective immediately.
Thanks for helping me get my message out alone, unaided, and single-handedly!
Fri Aug 03, 2012 at 5:58 AM PT: From Ramblin Mitt:
"Several people have asked about the provenance of these folk masterpieces. Any resemblance to Bob Dylan's "Pity the Poor Immigrant" and the traditional ballad "John Henry's Hammer" is purely accidental. My arrangers came up with these tunes for me and I take no personal responsibility for their inadvertent resemblance to any copyrighted material. The allegations that I evaded paying for their use are irresponsible and their authors should put up or shut up.
Regards,
(Ramblin') Mitt Romney"