Despite Todd Akin's fucktwittery, in this one spot today, it is going to be beautiful. Today the sky is the clearest blue, the air is just barely crisp, and there should be a high temperature of about 86 degrees. Last night we turned the AC off, and turned a couple of fans on and slept with the windows open.
Today I am going to finish some other chores, and we are going to spend the rest of the day outside with our cameras, photographing nature.
Akin's idiocy will of course be a topic of discussion for us. How can we escape it? Seeing how most of the family is female, it's just something that needs to be addressed. Women everywhere should be discussing this dangling, dingleberry on the ass of the GOP War on Women.
Being the inquisitive people that we are, we first heard about the adaptation of female duck genitals to ward off rape, some time ago. I cannot recall if it was a BBC or NOVA video. It was something like that.
Anyhow when Todd Akin opened his festering stink hole to pronounce his views on rape--we recognized the reference immediately.
Some female ducks and geese have evolved complex genitalia to thwart unwelcome mating attempts, according to a new study.New Scientist
It's kind of ironic, given the attempts of Akin to play legislative *Fuck Duck Goose with all of female America!
In Akin's world, one is not only entitled to their own opinion, but also to their own facts, and that means one can reject the science of evolution while simultaneously pinning the corkscrew-shaped, orifice on the donke--er I mean goos-um-- woman or duck or something.
Some vaginas had spiral channels that would impede sex by twisting in the opposite direction to that of the male phallus. Ibid.
Oh Todd, what a world to live in, where your word is literally law, not just to us mere peons, but to science and the universe as well. To be imbued with such magical powers--if only. By the way, has anyone seen my car keys?
Others had as many as eight cul-de-sac pouches en route, that could prevent fertilisation by capturing unwelcome sperm. ibid.
For that matter, has anyone seen my full-sized, pickup truck with a chicken tractor? I think I lost it somewhere in my enormous, multi-chambered cul de sac of horror.
Just think, this is probably why GOPers are so afraid of vaginas! Imagine how scary that must be, to be faced with some gaping, multi-chambered hole just waiting to swallow you up whole---you and your little dog too!
So heads up ladies, they are on to us!
Of course, there would be no danger to Akins or his pets, if only he could refrain from the cloacal kiss of doom. You see, that is why Republicans won't let women testify at hearings regarding reproductive issues. All this time, we tried to speak about vaginas, and technically we were wrong.
Not being entirely human, the only way to bypass their red tape is to admit that indeed, we don't have vaginas, but instead cloacas--like toads, and ducks, which may be why they are so obsessed with our eggs. In a bureaucrat's world, if you don't ask the right question, you will not be blessed with a response at all. Well that and we need a human to speak for us [read man].
Understanding our role as subhuman, animal, breeders is what is probably used to justify discussions that seek to deprive us of the vote as well as control over our most intimate bodily processes. After all, animals have no rights. Animals are something you breed, or eat, or hunt.
Understanding their perception of females, might also explain terminology like "Trophy Wife" and "Pussy Hound." After all, nothing says "I love you" like objectification.
For this entire time, there has been repeated and corroborated denial that there is a war on women. You cannot declare war on an object silly.
but if we are ducks in a genital arms race, then this notion that there is no war on women-ducks, can no longer be realistically embraced.
...the features demonstrate an evolutionary "arms race" in which control over reproduction alternates between the sexes. ibid.
Imagine the staggering rape statistics that must exist, and the severity of these assaults, if women's bodies have actually started to evolve complex methods to avoid unwanted pregnancy. It never occurred to Todd that the reason, pregnancy due to rape is so rare, is that there are only a few days out of the month that a woman is fertile. I have no doubt that even if he loses this argument, that Todd will still attempt to justify denying women access to abortions, based on numbers alone. If it's rare, then that means fewer protesters, angry letters, and therefore pissed off constituents, tragedy averted!
A woman's fertile period during her menstrual cycle, on average, lasts about seven days: seven days before ovulation (the release of the egg), the day of ovulation, and the day after ovulation. After this, chances of conception decrease quickly, as the egg has a short life-span of about 24 hours. Ovulation Calculator.
However, because comprehensive female reproductive coursework is no longer taught in this new *Ignorance Only, Shadow Theocracy, It is no mystery to me why so many Republicans have to resort to Farmyard imagery to even begin to grasp the complexities of human, female, fertility issues. Ducks are so much simpler, they don't question the GOP agenda, they don't talk back or protest.
They just quack incessantly about what? No one knows or cares.
Just like women.
Something else Akin might be interested in, Ducks also practice homosexual rape and necrophilia. Yes, this is all tied to Teh Gay Agenda, and that is just the tip of the duck's dork!
The strange case of the homosexual necrophiliac duck pushed out the boundaries of knowledge in a rather improbable way when it was recorded by Dutch researcher Kees Moeliker. Guardian UK
I would be interested to hear what he now has to say about the Avian Agenda. In addition to turning us all into homosexual, corpse-screwing maniacs, will he be able to connect the dots between that and the feminist cork-screw-cloacal plot to infect all straight, white Christian males with H1N1?
I mean we all know that Swine Flu is all just Bird Flu mutated.
The unfortunate duck apparently had hit the building in full flight at a height of about three metres from the ground. Next to the obviously dead duck, another male mallard (in full adult plumage without any visible traces of moult) was present. He forcibly picked into the back, the base of the bill and mostly into the back of the head of the dead mallard for about two minutes, then mounted the corpse and started to copulate, with great force, almost continuously picking the side of the head. ibid.
Clearly that *unfortunate duck was an oppressed member of the GOP. This entire scene unfolded outside a Walmart in Ohio, after the unconscious duck wished the other duck a Merry Christmas.
Michelle Bachman has called for an investigation of all suspected anti-American ducks. She says she will be able to tell using a transcloacal wand which will show on an ultrasound, who has an simple "American cloaca," and who has a "Complex Marxist-Socialist cloaca". She has already authored legislation that will require this exam for females whenever they take a urinalysis for state benefits. Some corporate lobbyists have made noises that this could become a new hurdle for would-be job applicants as well. Turn over your face book pass word and drop your drawers if you want to bask in the trickle down glory of the jawb creaytors.
Bachman and Akin have also called to pass resolutions condeming the Ignoble Awards after learning that a Scientist who published the case about duck-necrophilia won the award for his research in 2003.
Akin was heard complaining that in the old days, such research would have been kept secret, and away from the innocent minds of the electorate. If it was published at all, it would have been in some obscure Latin dialect, to thwart accidental discovery, and sinful curiosity.
It proudly awards nonsensical [Scientific] research that first makes people laugh, then think.
Akin was quoted as saying:
Thinking is dangerous to America's youth, it's the gateway drug to independent thought and we can't have that. It's bad enough that science has the bad taste to try and make someone laugh, but thinking? Well as a Conservative, Republican, Christian, I have to draw the line somewhere.
Bachman was seen shaking her head so vigorously at this comment, that one reporter announced he could hear the rocks bouncing around in her head.
Yes, it's going to a beautiful day today in a country where women are cows or ducks or cats or something, and you can pass laws that have more twists & turns, and dead ends than a duck's hoo-haw.
But then again, Akin's statements could simply reflect the rantings of a drooling, misogynistic, idget in desperate need of an 8th grade biology class.
Tune in for our installment next week on: Long Duck Dongs--How "legitimate rape" is a rare thing because in duck-speak, No means Yes. Because we all know that if she didn't want it, why did God make her ass feathers fluff upwards so enticingly?
Same Duck Time, Same Duck Channel.
10:52 AM PT: If this diary seems dark and weird, understand that this is how the GOP colors reality for me in this country. That I see them as twisted, nonsensical and dangerously strange. I feel the need to reply with gallows humor, snark and a certain Erisian cosmology.
5:09 PM PT: Todd Akin pressured to leave Missouri Race by his own party.
http://www.cbsnews.com/...
Like we all don't know with the constant assault on women's right to self determination, that what Akin's said is anything other than a GOP plank in their party-wide, woman-hating platform.
Tue Aug 21, 2012 at 3:49 PM PT: Oh if only women were mammals and not chimeric duck-people!
http://www.sciencedaily.com/...
ScienceDaily (Aug. 20, 2012) — An international team of scientists led by Gregg Adams at the University of Saskatchewan has discovered that a protein in semen acts on the female brain to prompt ovulation, and is the same molecule that regulates the growth, maintenance, and survival of nerve cells.