Skip to main content

Republican candidate for president U.S. Representative Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) (C) holds a news conference with Representative Louie Gohmert (R-TX) (L) and Representative Steve King (R-IA) (R) to discuss the debt ceiling and military benefits, at the U.S
The leaf is on the fig tree, the squirrel is in the woodshed, the nuts are in the Congress.
There is a new conspiracy theory circulating among the far-right proclaiming that the president of the United States is secretly arming al-Qaeda-linked terrorists in Syria. The precise reasoning by this theory is, as usual, a bit vague, but seems to have something to do with the presumption of all far-right conservatives that all brown people everywhere are secret members of al Qaeda, and that Barack Obama is secretly a Muslim and therefore secretly a member of al Qaeda, and all those drones killing people across the world for so much as drawing "I heart al Qaeda" on napkin is a false flag to distract us all from how the president of the United States secretly wants the terrorists to win. It may also be a delayed reaction to John McCain going to Syria and demanding in very stern tones that we give people he barely knew those very weapons, or a general confusion as to which of the 20 or so existing far-right gun conspiracy theories ought to be linked to brown people at any given time, or—you know what, parsing this out is impossible. Suffice it to say that they now believe Barack Obama is funneling arms to al Qaeda because of fucking course they do.

Leave it to Michele Bachmann, who I will remind all of America is still an actual member of Congress and not a crazy person with 20 cats who calls C-SPAN every evening to inform the hosts as to what legislative ideas her cats have given her today, to take this new theory to its only logical conclusion: the End Times are upon us.

"This happened and as of today the United States is willingly, knowingly, intentionally sending arms to terrorists," she said. "Now what this says to me, I’m a believer in Jesus Christ, as I look at the End Times scripture, this says to me that the leaf is on the fig tree and we are to understand the signs of the times, which is your ministry, we are to understand where we are in God’s End Times history.”

"Rather than seeing this as a negative, we need to rejoice, Maranatha Come Lord Jesus, His day is at hand," Bachmann added. “When we see up is down and right is called wrong, when this is happening, we were told this; these days would be as the days of Noah.”

So it's the best of all possible news, America: it's the apocalypse! Praise the secret Muslim Barack Obama for unleashing it!

Again, Rep. Michele Bachmann is a member of Congress. She's one of the people currently celebrating the shutdown of the American government as being a fine thing. She is on—and I am not making this up—the House Intelligence Committee. She, along with Rep. Biff and the various Texas gas leak victims that state has elevated into positions of national responsibility, decides the mundanities of whether we need to bother with government at all or need to abandon it all and dedicate ourselves instead to writing WELCOME BACK JESUS in gigantic, burning oil-fueled letters written across the middle of the North American continent.

What's shutting down the national government or defaulting on the national debt when Jesus himself is on His way down to officially give your ideological enemies the final what-for? I'm beginning to suspect the only reason Michele Bachmann was so keen on becoming president was that she wanted to give the ol' nuclear football a nice, hard kick.

Originally posted to Hunter on Tue Oct 08, 2013 at 01:58 PM PDT.

Also republished by Street Prophets and Daily Kos.

Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags


More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

Bob Johnson, Caipirinha, Pat K California, claude, bink, Sylv, KeithH, decisivemoment, glitterscale, Cali Scribe, TrueBlueMajority, greenbird, alicia, DR RD, Shockwave, simaramis, donna in evanston, Wintermute, CleverNickName, liz, shayera, Stein, eeff, figdish, windwardguy46, gjohnsit, Matilda, hnichols, Creosote, concernedamerican, missLotus, TracieLynn, brillig, amsterdam, rhp, CoolOnion, farmerhunt, roses, Dhavo, sngmama, antirove, Redfire, Texknight, edrie, annan, NYC Sophia, Farugia, Dr Colossus, pat bunny, Eyesbright, solliges, Penny Century, rlharry, wordwraith, riverlover, Brian82, nswalls, Major Kong, zerelda, Curt Matlock, mungley, randallt, KayCeSF, tomjones, AlwaysDemocrat, Brecht, vcmvo2, radarlady, blueyedace2, stlawrence, ChemBob, Brooke In Seattle, YucatanMan, reflectionsv37, eru, owlbear1, PSzymeczek, Sun Tzu, most peculiar mama, blue jersey mom, rb608, minidriver, Blu Gal in DE, landreau, Lisa Lockwood, turdraker, coloradorob, Ekaterin, mightymouse, begone, Knucklehead, BachFan, Captain Sham, LeighAnn, Kingsmeg, cybersaur, Mr Bojangles, emeraldmaiden, Gorette, cookseytalbott, Gottlieb, StrayCat, Rosaura, timj, JVolvo, tommyfocus2003, totallynext, ER Doc, SingerInTheChoir, CA Nana, doingbusinessas, Clive all hat no horse Rodeo, kurt, nannyboz, Eikyu Saha, cpresley, bluicebank, peagreen, devis1, offgrid, glescagal, edsbrooklyn, Matt Z, Calvin Jones and the 13th Apostle, jayden, Bronx59, Bridge Master, gchaucer2, Wreck Smurfy, yella dawg, cececville, leonard145b, TDDVandy, JML9999, Azubia, craiger, on the cusp, Empower Ink, gizmo59, Mighty Ike, jwinIL14, rogerdaddy, jack 1966, misterwade, JeffW, ratador, GAS, Marko the Werelynx, Youffraita, Senor Unoball, lamzdotes, Aureas2, Involuntary Exile, bythesea, elwior, tofumagoo, CenFlaDem, Dancing Frog, exMnLiberal, TokenLiberal, Jeff Y, petulans, shigeru, BYw, 207wickedgood, BvueDem, maggiejean, Louisiana 1976, Throw The Bums Out, Norm in Chicago, Tara the Antisocial Social Worker, Remediator, virginwoolf, Keith Pickering, Munchkn, ArthurPoet, Tortmaster, angel d, collardgreens, Larsstephens, Lefty Ladig, Its the Supreme Court Stupid, Observerinvancouver, leftywright, piers, mookins, Simple, ATFILLINOIS, renzo capetti, wbramh, psychbob, pixxer, Kristina40, AJ in Camden, addisnana, rja, DrTerwilliker, ericlewis0, ZedMont, slice, verdeo, TheHalfrican, annieli, Maximilien Robespierre, kerflooey, Miniaussiefan, Liberal Capitalist, slowbutsure, implicate order, Mr MadAsHell, freesia, BlueJessamine, Hatrax, cama2008, marleycat, cyberpuggy, Jasonhouse, thomask, akmk, smoothnmellow, midnight lurker, wintergreen8694, enhydra lutris, antooo, myrmecia gulosa, whaddaya, sekular, bakeneko, Dbug, cactusgal, ratcityreprobate, SteelerGrrl, blackjackal, stlsophos, sheepmama, DRo, Chitown Kev, Mentatmark, allergywoman, No one gets out alive, Azazello, Monsieur Georges, YaNevaNo, SuWho, GrumpyOldGeek, cwsmoke, angry marmot, Siri, IndieGuy, pitbullgirl65, S F Hippie, JGibson, xenothaulus, stellaluna, belinda ridgewood, MartyM, burnt out, pittie70, Buckeye54, notdarkyet, New Minas, wxorknot, oldpotsmuggler, avsp, rat racer, Glen The Plumber, peptabysmal, Robynhood too, BobTheHappyDinosaur, doubledutch, Lily O Lady, countwebb, remembrance, howabout, JosephK74, bob152, GreenMother, Smoh, nice marmot, IndyinDelaware, solarbay, ET3117, Hey338Too, Ishmaelbychoice, Mad City 67, OceanDiver, Catkin, northcountry21st, TheDuckManCometh, Rich Lyles, RUNDOWN, ialonelady, maryannm, Bartskid1, Gygaxian, Gurnt, stitchingasfastasIcan, Alfred C Jefferson

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site