My father was a young child in Hawai'i when World War II came to America, and he always wanted to be a military hero, to serve in the Army. Denied for Korea for bad eyesight, he tried again in 1957 but disliked the peacetime Army and got out again in 1960.
But in 1964 the Vietnam War got going for America and he went back in. Despite having five children by then - the youngest was just three months old - he wanted to go to Vietnam, where he served with the 25th Infantry as artillery support in 1966-7. I as the eldest at 7 became the man of the house per his request. He went again in 1969-70.
As a youngster I was very serious about this. The nightly news reports and weekly casualty scorecards took their toll on me, and many were the nights I cried myself to sleep in anxiety, or hid beneath some book. Only recently has this deep-seated anxiety become clear to me. I wrote about the experience 30 years ago, and recently encountered that writing and set it to music.
Has anyone else had similar experience, with Vietnam, Iraq, or anywhere else?
My song: "You Can Say That" (a rough mix is here)
VERSE 1
My sisters ask, "Where did Daddy go?
I say, "Far, far away," but I don’t really know
My brothers ask me, "Where did Daddy go?
Just like yesterday on the TV show
"We need some help with arithmetic tonight.
When's Daddy coming home from fighting his fight?"
We want a piggy back ride!
When's Daddy coming home to play outside?"
CHORUS
You can say it was the right thing, that you were no fool
You can say that it's something you always wanted to do
You had to fight the evil; it was required of you.
But you never say that it made you happy too.
VERSE 2
Sunshine's on the wall, with an orange glow
June days dawn very early, but Daddy's all packed to go
TV says 200 GIs died today
But twice as many bad guys, so it’s OK
Green boots, green cap, green bag stuffed with shirts
He's going, he's going, he's gone now, off to work
So it's alright, alright, it's alright though it hurts
Daddy's gone, Daddy's gone off to work
CHORUS
BRIDGE:
But wars end and glory fades, and so did his dreams.
He came home without any wounds - none that we could see
He learned how to fight far, far away
Yet never found peace with his family
SOLO VERSE & CHORUS
VERSE 3:
Mommy feeds the five of us, changes baby's clothes
She turns on the TV and lets us watch our favorite shows
He's fighting for us; he's only gone for a year.
He's fighting to save our country from fear.
Then she walks into her room and closes the door,
Until Daddy comes home from the war.
I cry myself to sleep, rubbing snot on my wrist,
"Someday I'll die, someday I won't exist."
CHORUS
10:38 AM PT: Thank you for the postings to Military Community Members of Daily Kos and Community Spotlight! The headline was a question: I don't think I have PTSD, but haven't had any substantive conversation outside my family about the impacts I felt as a boy 7-11 years old, and how it has shaped me in the years since. I cherish the conversation we have here - thank you very much!