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Having long studied the American political spectacle and long envied the lifestyles of the rich and presidential, I've decided that it is time to step up and throw my hat in the ring for 2016.

America needs a leader and, since she isn't going to get one anyway, I figure why not me? I need the job and am ready on day one to enjoy the perks (party on AF One, people!).

The trick, however--getting from my humble shotgun shack to the big 1600-- has been a mystery.

Until now. Thanks to NYFM and the Newark Star-Ledger, my path to the bully pulpit is clear.

This morning, I'm going down to the court house to change my moniker. Henceforth, I shall be known by the one name known to all Republicans, which they'll shout ceaselessly whenever the accomplishments of President Obama or the promise of President HR Clinton are mentioned, the name that can unite all real, patriotic Americans.

Then I, Ben Ghazi, shall run for the Republican nomination for president.

Game, set, match.

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