Cheers & Jeers Fundraiser: Day 4
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Snail mail, the address is: Bill Harnsberger,
16 Pitt Street, Portland, ME, 04103.
Thank you!
From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
So let's say they do, god forbid, build the Keystone XL pipeline at some point. And, of course, there's eventually a big ol' blowout that dumps a whole bunch of Satan's bitumen where it shouldn't be dumped. I've been around the track long enough to know how the response will unfold:
"We're not aware of any oil spill."
"Oh….THAT? That's just a minor 'outflow event.' Nothing to see here, please move along."
"Okay, yes. Now that the media and environmentalists have published photos and samples, it is, we conclude, a slightly larger event than first indicated."
"I got this! I got this!"
"Working with law enforcement agencies from the state and federal governments, we have succeeded in stopping the leak…of damning evidence by the media and environmentalists, and have banned them from the land and airspace around the area. If we catch them there again they'll be arrested."
"We're using the most advanced paper-towel technology to mitigate the spread of the freedom fluids. We will make this right as soon as possible or by the time the sun swallows up the solar system, whichever comes first."
"Breaking news: Keystone oil disaster worse than originally thought. We interrupt this breaking news with more breaking news: Keystone oil disaster even worse than originally thought during our last breaking news."
"We've set up a special fund to compensate those inconvenienced by this event. But we'll sue to get most of that money back from the moochers. So you can relax, shareholders."
"As CEO of TransCanada, let me offer these words of reassurance to the public: I'd like my life back."
"As Republican chairman of the House Energy and Environment subcommittee, Ah'd like to apolojazz to the CEO of TransCanada. I am very sorry for your inconvenience, suh."
"TransCanada will fight the lawsuits against us tooth and nail."
"TransCanada will appeal the rulings against us tooth and nail."
"Tonight on News Center: environmental damage remains on ten-year anniversary of Keystone XL pipeline rupture as TransCanada unveils plans to build the Keystone XL-2."
And etcetera. No thanks, Canada. Been there, done that.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, November 20, 2014
Note: This morning I cooked up four strips of turkey bacon for breakfast. It would've been five but I pardoned one of them.
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2 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til World AIDS Day:
11
Days 'til the
SLO Bacon Fest in San Luis Obispo, California:
2
Number of Americans who have, or had, a debt that's gone to a collection agency:
77 million
Number of complaint calls the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau received in the last half of 2013 regarding the collections industry:
30,300
(Source:
The Portland Press Herald)
Minimum percent of transgender people who have attempted suicide, mainly due to crushing societal harassment and victimization:
40%
(Source: Williams Institute via Kossack rserven)
Percent chance that the rumor flying around (heh) that there's a Thanksgiving turkey shortage this year is true:
0%
(Source:
Time)
The last time a former Secretary of State was elected president:
1856 (Buchanan)
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
I'm in favor of all the election reforms being advocated by the goo-goos (short for good government groups), plus I am indebted to a blogger on DailyKos.com for the brilliant notion that George Soros should buy Diebold Co. The country's leading manufacturer of electronic voting machines is currently headed by a Bush Pioneer, which is enough to give anyone the creeps. Other liberal billionaires could buy the other voting-machine companies, and then they should be put into a public trust whose workings are open to everyone.
---November, 2004
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Great Dane gives birth to 19 puppies. But my question is, why is this being reported in Food World News?
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CHEERS to an overdue act of compassion. Republicans will be going to bed early tonight so they don’t have to hear President Obama announce his executive actions on immigration:
Tonight, Obama will...
Our immigration system has been broken for decades---and every minute we fail to act, millions of people who live in the shadows but want to play by the rules and pay taxes have no way to live right by the law and contribute to our country. … The Senate passed a bipartisan bill more than 500 days ago, and while the country waits for House Republicans to vote, the President will act---like the Presidents before him---to fix our immigration system in the ways that he can.
So tune in [tonight] at 8 p.m. ET to learn what the President is doing to ensure that America will continue to be what it has always been: a nation of laws and a nation of immigrants.
And then tune in to Fox News at around 8:20 to hear it continue to be what it has always been: a network of pissed-off white people.
CHEERS to pink lungs and fatter bank accounts. Put down the death sticks…today is the Great American Smokeout:
You don't REALLY want
to have this in common
with jerkface...do you?
The American Cancer Society marks the Great American Smokeout on the third Thursday of November each year by encouraging smokers to use the date to make a plan to quit, or to plan in advance and quit smoking that day. By quitting---even for one day---smokers will be taking an important step towards a healthier life---one that can lead to reducing cancer risk.
Tobacco use remains the single largest preventable cause of disease and premature death in the US, yet about 42 million Americans still smoke cigarettes---a bit under 1 in every 5 adults.
There's a support group here at Daily Kos that's helped a lot of people toss their habit in the butt can. It's called
Gave Up Smoking (GUS), and they'd love to see you. My partner Michael (Common Sense Mainer here) had his last cigaboo six-and-a-half years ago, and in addition to feeling a lot better physically, we've saved around $50,000. Now if I could just give up my candy corn addiction, we might see some of that in the bank.
CHEERS to the scrapper from Scranton. Happy Birthday (and many blessings on your camels) to America's 47th Vice President, Joe Biden, whose way with words---intentional and otherwise---is a joy to behold:
Biden with Kossack Vicki at
Netroots Nation '14 in Detroit.
"I should start with an apology to Rudy Giuliani. I said every sentence Rudy utters has a noun, a verb, and 9/11 in it. I was wrong. He called me to tell me after Pat Robertson's endorsement, there's an Amen in every sentence he says, too."
"A man I'm proud to call my friend. A man who will be the next President of the United States---Barack America!"
"If your kitchen table is like mine, you sit there at night before you put the kids to bed and you talk about what you need. You talk about how much you're worried about being able to pay the bills. Ladies and gentlemen, that is not a worry John McCain has to worry about. It's a pretty hard experience. He'll have to figure out which of the seven kitchen tables to sit at."
“Don't tell me what you value---show me your budget and I'll tell you what you value.”
Good ol' Joe turns 72 today---and that's no malarkey. But it is a BFD.
JEERS to surprise attacks. When Herman Melville penned his epic Moby-Dick, he based it partly on an event that happened on this date in 1820 off the coast of South America, which you'll be able to see in theaters next March via Ron Howard's epic In the Heart of the Sea. The Nantucket-based whaling ship Essex was rammed by the head of an 80-ton sperm whale. Survivors said they never saw it coming.
CHEERS to captions we never thought we'd read in the freaking Billings Gazette. It's right there in black and white: Angie Rolando, left, and her partner, Tonya, shop for wedding rings in Great Falls on Wednesday. Wait, what?!! Yup---a judge struck down Montana's same-sex marriage ban and didn't issue a stay. So let's check the updated marriage map, as we seem to have to do every day now:
As of today, the entire western third of the United States is gay-marriage country. Two words: Surrender, Dakotas.
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Five years ago in C&J: November 20, 2009
JEERS to conflicting signals. On the one hand, some famous billionaires say the worst of times are behind us. On the other hand, a famous economist who's always right says we're going to be fucked for a very long time. So the truth probably lies somewhere in the mushy middle: the billionaires' worst of times is behind them and the rest of us are fucked for a very long time.
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And just one more…
JEERS to Kmart. Scrooge is showing up early for employees of the retail chain that I thought had already gone belly-up. As far as working on Thanksgiving (mandatory) goes, their management philosophy this year is, "You'll work when we say you'll work but we're not telling you when you'll work until we post the schedule five minutes before Thanksgiving." And if you get sick, or hit by a truck, or your car breaks down…you're fired, you minimum-wage scum. Against that background, check out the company's latest happy-joy-smiley-fun holiday ad and tell me you don’t get a creepy sense that Kmart is run by Kim Jong Un:
At least there's one silver lining. The right-wing puritans at the American Family Association will be apoplectic at the gross display of tummy nudity. They have priorities, you know.
Oh, and it's Peanut Butter Fudge Day. So if your peanut butter says something to you that sounds too good to be true, verify verify verify. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"The closer you read something like Cheers and Jeers the more you realize---and I say this only half jokingly---that you have to be crazy to want to be Bill in Portland Maine."
---Gov. Scott Walker
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