It has been barely 24 hours since a depraved, calculating and selfish 21 year old a-hole walked into a historic AME church in Charleston, SC under the guise of being a Christian and turned himself into the devil when he shot and took the lives of 9 innocent people -- 4 ministers, including the head pastor and SC State Senator; 6 woman and 3 men, including an 87 years young grandmother.
Cynthia Hurd, 54
Susie Jackson, 87
Ethel Lance, 70
Rev. DePayne Middleton-Doctor, 49
Hon. Rev. Clementa Pinckney, 41
Tywanza Sanders, 26
Rev. Daniel Simmons Sr., 74
Rev. Sharonda Singleton, 45
Myra Thompson, 59
RIP.
One of the three men -- the youngest one, a 26 year old tried heroically to jump between the flying bullets and his loved one. Before the names were released, I had to read a heartbreaking tweet from the son of one of the victims who asked for prayers for him and his family because 'something terrible has happened to my mother'. He also took to Instagram and wrote a longer and very deeply touching tribute to his mother -- musing that he used to 'tease her for always being in church', but that she was the 'best mother a son could ever have'.
Now this young college student is left to raise his very younger brother and sister on his own.
This thing has hurt my soul. I didn't know any of these people, but I've been where they walked. When I was trying to be a Christian, I was in Sunday School every Sunday. My folks would send me and my sister on to church to be with our grandmother and other relatives. I've been to the Saturday choir rehearsals and pageants and revivals and Youth days. One thing I will say about church is that it's a second family of fellowship.
Now imagine some a-hole coming in and turning that family experience into a nightmare.
So I say this with all due respect -- to the President of the United States, to Al Sharpton, to XYZ media pundits ----
STOP TRYING TO TELL ME WHEN IT'S TIME TO HEAL.
I'm sick of it. I'm angry. Let me be ffffing angry, okay?
I'm entitled to that.
Don't be trying to rush me into some fake ass 'Kumbaya' because this damn country doesn't want to deal with its RACE PROBLEM.
I'm fed up with that too.
I'm just angry and I'm tired. I'm tired of the blatant disrespect of black people period.
I'm more than annoyed of some people being fearful of black skin.
Stop telling me that I need to pray. If I want to pray, then I will determine when and if it's necessary for me to do so.
If some people need to pray, that's fine.
Just stop trying to tell me what I need to do.
Oh and stop telling me how I need to act and react. If you can't handle the way I choose to express MY emotions, then that's your problem. Stop trying to make it mine.
Stop it with this meme that the shooter is 'mentally ill' crap. He's been planning this for months. He told friends all about it. He clearly has definite opinions about racial segregation. He may be young, but he's not crazy. He knew what he was doing and why.
And Gov. Haley, please spare me the insult of your 'tears'. You don't understand and may NEVER understand why this happened?
What part of 'I'm sorry, but I'mma need to kill you black folk' you don't freaking understand?
To the GOP Presidential candidate Rick Santorum and all of Fox News who with a measure of ignorant simplicity ignores the known background of this shooter to say that 'All Christians Matter' -- I mean, what, really?
Of all of the churches in that city the shooter could have gone to for a massacre, he takes his 'I love Apartheid, Heil to Rhodesia' ass into a historic black church on the 192nd anniversary of the slave rebellion sponsored by that very same church and kills them because he hates AMEs?
Who you think you fooling? It's not me.
And how's that lowering to half-staff of your Confederate flag working out for you? Get outta here with that and trying to convince me that I really believe you.
This was a race crime.
This was an act of domestic terrorism.
This was an assassination of a sitting State Senator.
So please don't tell me when I need to get over this and come together and heal.
Because I can't heal from the effects of racism if racism continues to exist.
Let's face it. There are two sets of rules in this country. People like me tend to be govern by the rules of 'how to behave and how to act at all times', lest we be labelled as 'excitable', 'overly emotional', 'disobedient' -- 'criminal'.
This is all because of some fear that black folk will rise up and act like the ones who have violently and systematically oppressed us for hundreds of years.
But I know how to act. Just because I'm angry doesn't mean that I need to be violent like the ones who wish to be violent towards me.
But I'm not going to stay quiet either because it makes some uncomfortable.
Thu Jun 18, 2015 at 7:29 PM PT: Thanks for the rec list. I want to also say that what is really bothering me the most is that I had to wait over 12 hours to really learn about the damn victims of this massacre and we still have yet to hear about their lives and their stories as if their lives really didn't matter at all. That hurts the most.