One of the more interesting developments in my life in recent months is an encounter with the living philosophy of a woman in Charlotte. Her name is Molly Barker. She is one of my sister’s friends.
I have not met her in person, but have had several brief online exchanges with her, universally pleasant and educational. She began a group (a movement, really), based on the value of listening and validation in human relating.
Her group is called the Red Boot Coalition. Though it began in Charlotte, there are a (n ever-growing) number of Red Boot meetings being held in other communities. In addition to Charlotte, in NC there are regular meetings in Brevard, Davidson, Waxhaw and in nearby Fort Mill, SC. There is a meeting in Winona, MN, one in Columbia, MO, one in Cincinnati, OH, and meetings in Lancaster and Phoenixville, PA. The group is receptive to facilitating meetings anywhere.
More below.
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Here is a description of their mission, a screenshot of their home page.
Much of the dialogue she conducts is through her Facebook page. The one I am writing about tonight was posted several months ago, and describes her thoughts upon passing a house during a bike ride. A man (presumably the homeowner) was sitting on the porch, where a Confederate flag was flying.
I know many of you are not on Facebook, so I will simply excerpt a couple of her comments. The posting was couched as a letter to the person.
I waved at you as I passed and you waved back. A nod, a smile. We saw each other.
Near the end of the posting, she wrote:
And as I rode on by, back to the house where I am staying here on the NC coast, I thought about all the people you may sadly never meet...especially my friends with black or brown skin...who, are filled with fear and anger as they pass that flag...and you, who chooses to fly it.
The posting stimulated 23 comments, including one from an angry person with … strong Southern ties. I am including it in its entirety. It was a public posting, so I have not asked permission to share it.
Get over it.
The Confederate flag is flown to commemorate our ancestors who fought for Southern Independence. It means family, pride of our heritage, and love of all southern people. Quit projecting your own prejudices on my first amendment rights. I certainly wouldn't deny anyone the right to wear a MalcolmX hat, a BIack Lives Matter t-shirt, or a Hands-Up, Don't Shoot symbol! Does it make me nervous or anxious or resentful? Certainly YOU don't care. It's your right and who am I to even comment on FB about it!!!
Of course, I did not copy all of her original posting, but there was nothing ‘prejudiced’ about any of her other comments, nothing provocative, nothing infringing ANYONE’S ‘First Amendment rights,’ nothing, in short, remotely controversial.
The person replying clearly had his ‘buttons’ pushed, all the same. You can see from his first words that he had no interest in dialogue. ‘Get over it’ is intended to be a one-shot kill for conversation, to pre-empt disagreement, to halt, indeed, further attempts at communication. It is the LAST WORD, the definitive word, and there is no need for any further discussion. We see the same thing with Donald Trump. He uses the word ‘okay’ in the same capacity, as if the parties agreed, but it is similarly pre-emptive in its intention and function. Intellectually cowardly and dishonest.
The person said that the flag is flown to commemorate ancestors who, he thinks, surely must have fought in a noble cause. He proclaims the ‘meaning’ of the flag, as if anyone reading it will accept his view of the meaning, invalidating their own previous view now and forevermore. Right.
Molly replied twice to the person, respectfully, in the most validating way. She didn’t confront, she just explained that she knew it had a very different meaning to many of her friends.
I applaud the listening she does, I applaud the effort put into respect and considerate engagement, yes, even to one who did not maintain such fine standards on his own.
Even so, the person was quite wrong. I have lived in the South ALL of my life, and I know that flag quite well. As it happens, the one we see, the one that flew so hatefully over the state house and the state house grounds in South Carolina is NOT the flag that flew over Confederate troops.
Here is what wikipedia says about the flag now most commonly seen in Southern states:
Despite never having historically represented the Confederate States of America as a country, nor officially recognized as one of its national flags, the rectangular Second Confederate Navy Jack and the Battle Flag of Northern Virginia are now flag types commonly referred to as "the Confederate Flag".
Moreover, it was not Molly or any ‘liberal’ who declared the flag to be a racist symbol. But. There is a responsible party. This one. (Link goes to the Google images page one finds if one searches on the terms KKK and Confederate flag.)
So if one objects to that flag being seen as a racist symbol, it is to that organization that one should address him or herself. #lotsofluck
One other thing about the ‘debate’ over the flag. The people claiming that it honors their ‘heritage’ have not even bothered to do the research about the flag(s) that flew over the Confederacy. We know that because they don’t even KNOW it’s not the same flag! Yet, how could they invest so much passion and emotion into something they know so little about? Something they never cared enough about to bother to research it?!
That exists because they have bought into the racist argument rationalizing the continued existence of the hate-filled symbol. Without thought of their own, without research, indeed, without CARING (just as Hillary haters do with Fox News spew). No objective person could reasonably claim that the flag represents love of ‘ALL Southern people.’ That kind of ‘love’ has witnessed the deaths of many completely innocent people, just because of the color of their skin. (We call those deaths lynchings.)
No one would have formulated the argument if they did not intend to give racism pseudo-valid cover. And, before people recognized and began to talk about the racist nature of that symbolic flag, no non-racist Southerners ever cared about the flag as ‘honoring’ descendants from that era. Only AFTER. That’s how you know. (Many are not honest enough to admit that, but I have lived here all my life and I know it to be true.)
I have one more ‘comment’ about the people promoting this bs ‘respectful legacy’ argument. It’s a sham. And here is how you illuminate that. Ask questions.
What was your ancestor's name (or what were their names)? Where did he/they live? What battles did he/they fight? What unit did he/they fight for? Was he/were they killed in battle? Where is he buried? How was he/ were they kin to you?
If they have been honest about really honoring descendants or a descendant, their faces will soften and they'll begin to tell you about the one or ones for whom they carry such feeling. (This has never yet happened to me when I asked. Not once.)
What you are more likely to see is puzzlement, confusion and even anger on the face of someone who has been caught in a lie. (I'd wager big money that the FB person, above, was one of those.) And then you can say, don't you think that learning a little bit about them, at least their names, would honor them more and better than revering a flag under which NONE of them EVER fought, to which NONE of them ever paid allegiance, that has unquestionably become a rallying symbol for some of the most racist hate groups we know? And, if you believe so strongly in respecting that flag, what have you done to stand up against its adoption and display by hate groups? Doesn't their activity disrespect it far more than those reacting to its now clearly racist symbolism?
Because I guarantee you, they have never done or said anything about or to members of those hate groups about ‘disrespect.’ The entire value of that flag is in overt expression of racism and hatred. That is what they're giving political cover.
Another line of questioning one might follow is this: Do you have descendants that served in WW I? What? You don't know? You don't even know if you have descendants that served in WW I, but you want to honor those who served in the Confederacy?? Righttttt. (We could ask them about WW II, but they’re probably more likely to have some knowledge of ancestors from that war.) But I have never once encountered a Confederate flag ‘defender’ who could name a single ancestor who fought in WW I, and I have asked. Much less in the Confederacy, itself.
I applaud respect in conversation, I applaud listening to diverse viewpoints. I applaud the efforts and the intentions of the Red Boot Coalition. But, people sometimes misrepresent their positions to fulfill an agenda. And, wrong still exists. It exists in the mind of that obnoxious and disrespectful person on Facebook, and it exists more dangerously in the person of the Republican nominee for president. And speaking out against it is NOT wrong.
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