Angry Electorate Also Seeks to Replace God

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Wednesday June 18, 2008 · 2:21 PM PDT

2008/06/18 · 14:21

While recent media attention has understandably focused on the widespread desire for political change, a new poll also reveals deep-seated anger with God’s performance, with large majorities now favoring a change in the position of "Supreme Being."

The survey, conducted, appropriately enough, by the Pew Poll, reveals that by more than a two-to-one margin, Americans feel that the Universe is on the wrong track, there is no light at the end of the Black Hole, and that the Sun may not even come up tomorrow.

While most respondents still blame the Bush Administration for the invasion of Iraq and the mismangement of the war, an overwhelming 77% held God accountable for the sectarian strife between Sunni and Shia sects, deadly natural disasters such as earthquakes and hurricanes, and the inability to buy a six-pack of Budweiser before noon on a Sunday.

SatyriDon

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Sunday June 01, 2008 · 4:10 PM PDT

2008/06/01 · 16:10

It hardly took the recent Scott McClellan book to confirm the verdict of Watergate emeritus John Dean that the current crop of Neo-Con Cosa Nostras in the Bush administration is far worse than the Nixon Mafioso. But this view tells only part of the story.

No, I’m not talking about the world-class competition between the two Administrations for violating constitutional, international and moral norms. Indeed, my own sense of history and constitutional law persuades me that Dean’s aptly named book about the Bush gang, Worse Than Watergate, is unquestionably accurate.

Instead, my only quibble with Dean’s neat alliterative title is that it doesn’t take into account the drama, pageantry and mythic proportions of Watergate that I perceive, through my nostalgic-colored glasses, as sadly missing in the Bushian banana republic.

SatyriDon

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Friday February 08, 2008 · 9:53 AM PST

2008/02/08 · 09:53

OK, you pinko commie liberals. You know you’re just dying to know what’s really going on at the Conservative Political Action Conference this weekend. And that phony itinerary they post on their website is about as genuine as a George Bush campaign promise of "compassionate conservatism." So here, from the home office of the Club for Malignant Tumor Growth, is the real CPAC Agenda:

9:00 AM - Kippers with the Gippers: Breakfast and Welcoming Remarks by Ronald Reagan Impersonators

10:00 AM - Workshop: How to Make a Citizen’s Arrest of the Undocumented Workers Who’ve Just Finished Serving You Breakfast

SatyriDon

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Thursday July 05, 2007 · 8:35 AM PDT

2007/07/05 · 08:35

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

The recent discussions about Bush’s commutation of Scooter Libby’s prison sentence seem to assume that Bush’s Constitutional powers somehow shield the President from legal accountability for such actions. However, such assumption fails to distingush between the absolute power to do an act, and absolute immunity for such act.

While it is not debatable that Bush had the absolute power to commute Scooter Libby’s prison sentence, pursuant to Article II, Section 2 of the Constitution, it does not follow that the President himself is immune from criminal prosecution if such action was part of a quid pro quo, or otherwise served to obstruct justice by, for example, covering up the role of the President and/or Vice President in the Valerie Plame affair.

The President, under Article II, Section 2, also has the unquestioned power to nominate Supreme Court Justices, but would anyone seriously argue that the President would be shielded from criminal liability if he accepted a bribe to nominate a particular person to the High Court?

SatyriDon

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Tuesday February 06, 2007 · 9:59 AM PST

2007/02/06 · 09:59

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

The Scooter Libby perjury trial took a dramatic turn today, when it was revealed that the Bush Administration’s claim that Iraq tried to purchase yellow cake uranium from Africa, was based entirely on the old Nigerian Spam Scam.

To make things worse, the spam email in question offered uranium from the African country of Niger, not Nigeria, thus making it a scam spam scam.

Evidence offered by Prosecutor Fitzgerald established that Ambassador Joe Wilson, during his trip to Africa, discovered an e-mail message from DeWayne Abbadabbadoo, the purported son of a Nigerian diplomat, to Saddam Hussein.

SatyriDon

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Wednesday January 31, 2007 · 6:34 AM PST

2007/01/31 · 06:34

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

In one of those dramatic "Perry Mason moments" that rarely occur in real life, an audible gasp went up from the crowd today at the Scooter Libby trial, as Judith Miller testified that the defendant actually had a Valerie Plame screensaver.

The former reporter for The New York Times calmly described Libby’s office set-up, where she met him to commiserate in June ‘03 over the puzzling disappearance of WMD in Iraq. Ms. Miller explained that the Plame Screensaver was part of software that Libby had downloaded, called Undercover Girls of the CIA.

Ms. Miller provided further testimony that cast great doubt on Libby’s defense — that his false statements to investigators about how and when he learned about Ms. Plame’s identity, was simply an honest mistake.

SatyriDon

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Tuesday January 30, 2007 · 6:12 AM PST

2007/01/30 · 06:12

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

On the heels of its false accusation that Barack Obama attended an Islamist madrassa school as a youth, FOX News today asserted that Senator Obama is unfit to be President based on his radical education at ... Harvard Law School.

As Sean Hannity stated, "it’s bad enough this guy took courses in constitutional law and ethics, but to do it in the hotbed of radicalism known as Cambridge, that just goes a little too far."

When informed that such "conservative" Supreme Court Justices as Scalia and Roberts also attended Harvard Law, Hannity dismissed the comparison out-of-hand: "Those guys obviously didn’t go to class; instead, they listened to books-on-tape from The Federalist Society."

SatyriDon

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Saturday January 27, 2007 · 6:52 AM PST

2007/01/27 · 06:52

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

Undaunted and undeterred by its failure to stem sectarian stupidity in the Bush Administration, the Iraq Study Group has decided to take another stab at victory, with a SURGE of its own.

Speaking on behalf of the ISG, Co-Chairman James Baker explained that their last effort did not utilize enough diplomats to quell Bush’s Shit-ite policies, or unduly Sunny scenarios.

"This time," Baker promised, "we intend to expand the membership of the ISG by at least 20,000, which will require a draft of all retired Cabinet members, Congressmen, and foreign service officers going back to the Kennedy Administration."

SatyriDon

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Wednesday January 17, 2007 · 7:58 AM PST

2007/01/17 · 07:58

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

Stung by recent criticism from Sen. Barbara Boxer that she has no immediate family members serving in Iraq, and therefore no personal stake in the war, Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice has made a dramatic move to remedy this situation: adopting African orphans ... and sending them to fight in Iraq.

Although most of the orphans would be well below draft age, and barely able to carry a gun, Rice emphasized that young people mature earlier and take on more significant responsibilities in African cultures.

"Just look at some of those radical Islamist militias in Somalia," Rice pointed out. "Many of their members carry blankies and AK-47s at the same time."

SatyriDon

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Tuesday January 16, 2007 · 9:19 AM PST

2007/01/16 · 09:19

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

After days spent trying to decipher Bush’s lethargic demeanor and "hostage-look" in his nationally televised "surge" address, body language experts have now reached a consensus: that Bush was indeed a hostage.

"How else do you explain a policy that was utterly idiotic, even for Bush," one expert explained. "Besides, who but al-Qaeda or the Iranians would benefit from putting more U.S. troops in the cross-hairs of radical Islamists, so Bush must’ve been their captive."

The "hostage explanation" seems to have been further confirmed by a close-up of Bush, standing in a library, where the background revealed a volume of Everything You Wanted to Know About Jihad* But Were Afraid to Ask.

SatyriDon

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Monday January 15, 2007 · 6:20 AM PST

2007/01/15 · 06:20

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

In a move that legal scholars are calling both stunning and long overdue, the American Bar Association (ABA) has issued a ruling prohibiting all lawyers from serving in, or representing, the Bush Administration.

Although this decision had been under consideration for some time, the straw that broke the camel's back was the recent statement of Charles D. Stimson, a senior Pentagon official, who condemned lawyers at leading national firms for providing representation to prisoners at Guantánamo, and suggested that corporate clients should terminate their relationship with such firms. The same point appeared Friday on the editorial page of The Wall Street Journal.

The decision by a special three-member panel of the ABA was based on a seldom-used disciplinary rule, DR-666, which provides that "a lawyer's duty of zealous representation does not apply to a client who is the devil-incarnate."

SatyriDon

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Thursday January 11, 2007 · 8:22 AM PST

2007/01/11 · 08:22

Reprinted from The Satirical Political Report http://satiricalpolitical.com

Democratic leaders have announced that they intend to hold merely symbolic votes in the House and Senate on President Bush’s plan to send more troops to Baghdad — thus effectively turning their "co-equal branch of government" into the equivalent of ... a high school Model Congress.

Democratic activists are understandably upset at this refusal to mount a meaningful challenge to Bush’s escalation of the war, and instead have demanded a cutoff or limitation of funds. However, Majority Leader Harry Reid urged restraint.

"Don’t underestimate the power and gravitas of Model Congresses," Reid stated. "They’re typically comprised of the best and brightest high school students, who attend these things at actual Ivy League colleges, like Harvard and Yale."

"Besides," Reid added, "we’re just as smart as those kids — we just have less acne, and more raging hormones."

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Angry Electorate Also Seeks to Replace God

McClellan Book Confirms Bushies Both 'Worse Than,' and 'Not As Good As,' Watergate

A Sneak Peak at the Real CPAC Agenda

Bush's "Power" to Pardon is Not a Shield Against Criminal Liability

Libby's Bombshell: Yellow Cake Scam Based on Nigerian Spam

Shocker in Libby Trial: Scooter Had Valerie Plame Screensaver

FOX News Claims Obama Attended Radical School: Harvard

Iraq Study Group to Try a 'Surge' of Its Own

Condi Adopts African Orphans, To Send Them to Iraq

Body Language Experts: Bush Was Hostage in 'Surge' Speech

Bar Association Bans Lawyers from Representing the Bush Administration

Who Says We Don't Have a 'Model Congress?'