TRUMP ON A BUS: I am a star, I can do anything I want to women. I just can’t help myself. Grab them in the hoo hoo. Billy, you got any tiny breath mints? I might debase that beautiful woman over there without her consent, and I want minty-fresh breath when I do it.
HEADLINES: “Trump Admits To Sexually Assaulting Women”
TRUMP SUPPORTER: boys will be boys, this is nothing but locker room talk, move along
MOST BOYS: yeah, no. Most of us don’t perpetrate or condone sexual assault; don’t drag us into normalizing entitled, predatory behavior
PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY SPEND TIME IN LOCKER ROOMS: nope, we don’t talk like this. Fortunately the 70 year olds among us don’t talk like this either; they mostly just walk around naked, blow drying their balls and making the rest of us very uncomfortable.
SOME OTHER GUYS: Wait, is anyone else confused about how you actually “grab” a…?
MEN’S RIGHTS ADVOCATES: finally, someone who gets us. The struggle is real.
HILLARY SUPPORTER: He wasn’t even in a locker room when he said it, he was in a workplace environment, and it wasn’t just talk, it was an admission of serial sexual assault
TRUMP SUPPORTER: well, you can’t judge Trump for some naughty no-no words he said 11 years ago because you didn’t judge Bill Clinton for marital infidelity, womanizing and lying about it 20 years ago. You’re a hypocrite.
HILLARY SUPPORTER: We’re not talking about the words he used, we’re talking about what he admitted to doing. And, it’s not 1998, and Bill’s not on the ballo…
TRUMP SUPPORTER: BUT BILL CLINTON IS A RAPIST! Think about the children!!! Do you like my new T-Shirt?
HILLARY SUPPORTER: Look. Bill Clinton was judged by Congress and the court of public opinion 20 years ago at the cost of roughly $40 million, Congress virtually ground government to a halt hunting through everything they could dig up on the Clintons. And speaking of hypocrisy, The House of Representatives’ exhaustive investigation into Clinton’s affairs was spearheaded by Denny Hastert (a convicted CHILD MOLESTER), Newt Gingrich (a serial adulterer), Henry Hyde (another adulterer), Bob Livingston (yet another serial adulterer, notice a pattern?). I, like many other Democrats, wasn’t particularly happy with Bill when the revelations came out. But he was judged, he paid the piper, and everyone moved on. It was my opinion that he was being held to a higher standard than other powerful men had been in the past, but perhaps that was a good thing. Perhaps now we could expect other powerful men to behave themselves and not expose the country to awkwardness. But we’re not talking about infidelity at the moment, we’re talking about Trump’s own admissions of sexual assault. You do see a difference, right?
TRUMP SUPPORTER: Oh please, Bill raped everyone he could get his hands on. I’ve got it on good authority that he raped Jesus, I read it on the internet! And look, televised debate audience, we just so happen to have these 4 ladies here to prove it.
HILLARY SUPPORTER: as sympathetic as we might feel for them, their stories were already vetted and found, at the end of the day to be impossible to substantiate.
TRUMP SUPPORTER: Irrefutable proof that Bill’s victims should be heard!
ANDERSON COOPER: Mr. Trump, did you sexually assault women, as you seemed to suggest in that video?
TRUMP: no one respects women more than I do.
ANDERSON COOPER: Did you?
TRUMP: ISIS!
ANDERSON COOPER: Did you?
TRUMP: nope
VICTIMS 1 through 14: *gasp*…actually, he very much did.
TRUMP SUPPORTER: Bill’s accusers should be heard! But these women are opportunists, losers, and liars. 3 weeks before the election and they come out now? Why now? It’s a conspiracy.
VICTIMS 1 to 14: uhm, we are coming forward now because Trump, during the debate (e.g. “now”), denied sexually assaulting us. We couldn’t sit silently by as he added insult to injury.
TRUMP: Oh please, I would never assault 1 or 4; they are too ugly to assault. Come to think of it 2 is a pig too. 3 is a flat chested loser. Pretty sure I bought 5 a credenza, she definitely doesn’t count...
HILLARY SUPPORTER: perhaps, just perhaps, the victim blaming you are engaging in currently answers the question about why these women didn’t speak up earlier.
TRUMP SUPPORTER: Bill Clinton just raped Ecuador! For fuck’s sake, he’s more rapey than a Mexican immigrant.
HILLARY SUPPORTER: ok, ok. Can we at least agree on principle that sexual assault is a bad thing, and go from there?
TRUMP SUPPORTER: Yes, of course.
HILLARY SUPPORTER: So, if Trump did engage in serial sexual assault, that would be a bad thing, then?
TRUMP SUPPORTER: No. Because you are a hypocrite. And since you don’t acknowledge Bill’s indiscretions, I am not obligated to stand for any principle whatsoever, other than to point out that you don’t stand for any principle whatsoever.
HILLARY SUPPORTER: So, in essence, you are letting your opponent set the moral bar for you. If your opponent doesn’t stand on principle, you don’t have to?
TRUMP SUPPORTER: you said it, not me. You’re the moral relativist, after all.
HILLARY SUPPORTER: you don’t really think that sexual assault is a bad thing, do you.
TRUMP SUPPORTER: Of course I do, but Bill cheated on Hillary, which is likely her fault anyway (I mean, c’mon just look at her), so I won’t criticize Trump for admitting to serial sexual assault. And I don’t think that anyone else should either. It’s basically a wash. Bill did something involving women’s naughty bits. Hillary stayed with him, in violation of their marriage vows, not to mention the Holy Bible and I’m pretty sure the Constitution. So Trump, even if he did it like he said he did, didn’t really do it because he ALSO said he didn’t do it, so he gets a pass. I can’t make it any clearer than that, moran.
HILLARY SUPPORTER: so then I take it that you make no distinction between consensual adultery and non-consensual sexual assault?
TRUMP SUPPORTER: don’t be so stoopit. Of course there is a distinction, for example if the sexual assault we’re talking about occurs in a North Carolina restroom and is perpetrated by a nancy boy who wants to dress like a girl. Think about the children!!!!
HILLARY SUPPORTER: but Trump admitted to actual sexual assault on that bus, and in other recorded programs, but that kind of sexual assault is ok?
TRUMP SUPPORTER: It never happened! Who are you going to believe? Recordings of Trump unfairly replayed in unedited form by the lame stream media, or recordings of Trump at his rallies denying what he said in those unfairly replayed recordings of what he said? It’s really a case of “he said, he said he didn’t say what he said, she said, she said, she said…she said, the whole lot of ‘em are filthy whores, because he said so.”
HILLARY SUPPORTER: Well, I think I’ll just go ahead and take Trump at his word.
TRUMP SUPPORTER: Yeah, me too. We agree. See you November 28th!!
HILLARY SUPPORTER: Yeah, Romney By a Landslide, motherfucker.
