On April 11, Sgt. Raymond S. Sevaaetasi was killed by an IED. He was in my husband's unit.
In seeing his name and realizing that the unit he belonged to is also the unit my husband is in; I wonder if I saw him six months ago in the parking lot at Ft. Hood as I dropped my husband off for the bus to the airport.
I wonder if I saw his family saying their goodbyes. I wonder if they, like me, sat in that parking lot while he drew weapons and loaded his ruck sacks filled with gear onto the shipping container. I wonder if they held on to him tight and never wanted to let go?
I wonder if he received carepackages and mail from a Kossack as a result of our carepackage drive for the unit? I wonder, if he did get mail, did he write that Kossack back?
It was chilly, that October morning my husband’s unit shipped out from Hood. I made the choice to stay in the car and read a book while he and one of his colleagues went to their company’s formation and checked out their sidearms. I couldn't bear to watch, it would just make me resent the whole situation that much more.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t concentrate much on my book because of all the commotion in the parking lot. Lots of families had gathered to watch the formation and they were milling around just to the left of my car. Lots of the wives (I'm assuming they were wives) had tear streaked faces and red eyes and kids were crying. I know what they were thinking and why they were crying, because I was acutely aware of the emotions and uncertainty myself. I was fighting tears myself, and I am not a crier.
So, I gave up reading my book and started doing my favorite guilty little hobby: People Watching.
In letting my memory wander back to last October, I find myself wondering if the Major holding his kid on his shoulders is still alive. I wonder about the couple I saw sharing a cigarette and holding on to each other for dear life; is that Private okay? I wonder if the Sergeant holding her baby is alive.
I wonder (and worry) about the emotional costs of this war, and what is coming home. I wonder how this will change our marriage, and I wonder if I am at all prepared for what is coming. I wonder why I am not more excited that my husband will soon be coming home on R&R soon. I wonder why instead, I feel dread because in his coming home, it also means I have to say goodbye again. And whereas, before the news of the extension, he would only have 3-4 months left of the deployment and now he probably won't be home-home until 2008.
And then I get really ahead of myself and start to wonder how much smaller the homecoming ceremony will be than the send-off ceremony was? How many soldiers will be missing? How many empty boots, helmets, and rifles will I have to see? How many bracelets will my husband be wearing to honor his fallen colleagues? How many families will be there, not to welcome home a soldier, but to welcome home their fallen soldier's comrades?
I wonder how many marriages will have broken under the strain of the latest extension? I wonder how many spouses felt the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, one week ago today? I wonder if I, myself, will even want to be around anything military, such as that homecoming ceremony, since I have a deep, deep, resentment over this, and I am trying like hell to not take these feelings out on my husband?
I wondered, today, about the families of Shaun Blue, Jesse De La Torre, Lucas Starcevich, Daniel Scherry, Joshua Schmit, Brandon Wallace Steven Walberg, Aaron Genevie, Mario De Leon, and Robert Basham. I wonder and worry about these ten families. I wonder if they will ever be okay after this.
Ten names today.
Ten families today.
I wonder if this waste of a war will ever stop: Three-thousand, three-hundred, and twelve: 3,312.
I wonder so many things because of this war.
All of the U.S. fatalities can be seen here or here. They all had loved ones, families and friends. The DoD news releases are here.
I Got the News Today is a diary series intended to honor, respect and remind. This series is maintained by i dunno, with the help of Sandy on Signal, monkeybiz and myself.
Click here for the previous diary in this series or click the IGTNT tag.