Hispanic Federation Fund for Puerto Rico Relief Link
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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
What made Trump Look Like a Bigger Jackass in October
Math
Spelling
This judge
His memory
His chief of staff
CAPITAL LETTERS!
His daughter and son
His Secretary of State
His Interior secretary
His treasury secretary
His chief of staff again
White rice and cherry pie
The wrong Lee Greenwood
His chief of staff yet AGAIN
His promise-keeping ability
His memory that other time
His daughter and son-in-law
Respect for military protocol
His transportation secretary
This middle finger-hoisting cyclist
Golfing every weekend this month
His Secretary of State’s tallywacker
His crooked 2016 campaign manager
His idiotic commander-in-chief skills
His indifference to families of the fallen
The “president” of the U.S. Virgin Islands
Another month, another twenty feet added to Bullshit Mountain.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold...[Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, October 31, 2017
Note: Clarice! I can hear the screaming of the lambs. Can you hear the lambs screaming, Agent Starling? Does it make you feel terr… Oops, never mind, my bad. I'm standing on the cat’s tail.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til open enrollment for the ACA exchanges starts: 1
Days 'til Tampa Bay Veg Fest: 4
Percent chance that Puerto Rico canceled its contract with those two jokers in Montana to rebuild their electrical grid: 100%
Weeks by which the first freeze of the year in the lower 48 states was later circa 2007-2016 than 1971-1980 according to AP: 1
Percent of the lower 48 states that have a had a freeze as of October 23, versus 65% during a normal year: 40%
Percent of Americans who give two pieces of candy to each trick-or-treater, according to CNN: 50%
Percent of candy corn eaters who bite off the white tip first: 42.7%
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World Series Update
Astros lead Dodgers 3 games to 2
(Game 6 tonight)
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Psych!
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CHEERS to that sweet, sweet clunking sound. Not one, not two, but three shoes dropped yesterday morning in the Mueller investigation, as indictments ranging from money laundering to conspiracy against the United States rained down on Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort and his lackey Rick Gates, and George Papadopoulos pled guilty to perjury. A couple things, as pointed out by Mark Sumner. First, there will be more shoes. Second: one of them will likely be Lord Dampnut’s:
What’s also notable about these charges is just what they are not. They are not based on personal testimony. They are not based off of transcripts of discussions between Manafort and others. They are not vague, or debatable, or in any sense small. These are detailed charges backed up by hard numbers and details of specific transactions.
And while Trump’s defenders are rushing to declare that the indictments are “all about business,” the nature of that business is a thunderclap of doom for Trump. At the heart of the charges is one thing: The way in which oligarchs from Russia and other former Soviet states have used the New York real estate market as a means of bringing money into the United States. That’s a practice that includes not just Manafort, but Michael Cohen, Jared Kushner, Donald Trump Jr., and the other Donald Trump.
How big was yesterday’s bombshell? So big that Rachel Maddow spent the first twenty minutes of her show last night just looking in the camera and smacking her lips.
P.S. It gets better. Just as the aroma from the indictments was reaching full pungency, Gallup released its daily tracking poll numbers showing that, on Sunday, Trump’s approval reached its lowest point (33 percent) and his disapproval reached its highest (62 percent)…
Yup. 33 percent. Also known as two butt cheeks pointing to the right.
P.P.S. It gets better better. A judge put Trump’s ban on transgender military service on ice until a court challenge is resolved. I believe I speak on behalf of 3/4 of the American people when I say: take your time, judge.
JEERS to the Third-and-a-Half Reich. If you missed the big Nazi rally in Tennessee over the weekend, there’s a good reason: it barely happened. You should read WaPost reporter Wesley Lowery’s full account here, which achieves a perfect balance of journalism and snark. Here’s a smattering of what he saw:
Crowds of protesters began gathering at 8 a.m. on a cold, cloudy Saturday morning. They’d come to see Nazis. But, but two hours later, there were still no Nazis. … “Some master race,” [one of them] snickered. “Can’t even show up on time.”
Ultimately it appeared that about 300 people attended---about 100 “White Lives Matter” attendees and twice as many counterprotesters. […]
Throughout the morning, the counterprotest oscillated between mocking the rally and drowning it out with music. … “Yo Nazis!” a counterprotester with a megaphone shouted. “How does it feel knowing your daughters are probably all at home listening to rap music and hanging out with their black boyfriends right now?”
Adding insult to injury: the schnitzel truck the Nazis hired to provide lunch could only play one song from its loudspeakers: Hava Nagila. You could hear Goebbels facepalming from Hell.
CHEERS and JEERS to monumental achievements. On this date in 1941, Mount Rushmore was deemed "complete" after 14 years of blasting and chiseling, but only because they'd run out of money. It's an eyesore and an insult to Native Americans, and it's more a testament to its creator's ego than anything else.
Having said that, it's still quite an accomplishment and it sure sums up the #1 thing you need to be President of the United States: a really big head.
CHEERS to life in the other madman’s universe. The only thing that would be better than watching Trump’s world collapse would be hearing that Kim Jong Un is circling the drain. And according to one of his former diplomatic Kool-Aid drinkers---a London-based diplomat who managed to defect with his family---that’s exactly what’s happening. The main reason why (besides crippling sanctions) is as old as despotic regimes themselves: the peasants are getting a taste of freedom, and they want more:
“I am sure that more defections of my colleagues will take place, since North Korea is already on a slippery slope,” the defector, Thae Yong-ho, said during a news conference in Seoul, the capital of South Korea.“The traditional structures of the North Korean system are crumbling.” […]
The spread of outside news and market activities could eventually doom Mr. Kim because his government “can beheld in place and maintained only by idolizing Kim Jong-un like a god,” Mr. Thae said. … But the leader’s efforts to clamp down on information and products from outside North Korea have been unsuccessful because the police accept bribes in exchange for freeing smugglers and people caught watching banned movies and dramas.
“Kim Jong-un’s days are numbered,” Mr. Thae said on Wednesday.
Just throwing this out there, but maybe to save on costs Jong-un and Trump could share the same future cell. Actually, to accommodate their egos, better make it a circus tent.
JEERS to no-shows. Harry Houdini died 91 years ago today, but not from one of his death-defying magic tricks. It was a ruptured appendix…but spooky nonetheless:
Houdini was 52 years old when he died, the exact number of playing cards in a deck. Further, he was born 26 years before the start of the new century, and died 26 years into the next one---as if his "life's deck" had been deftly cut in half by Fate, the ultimate magician.
For a full ten years after Houdini's death, his wife Bess conducted a séance on October 31.These séances were always attended by the top names in magic, as well as personal friends of the great magician. Houdini had told Bess that if it were possible, he would send a message to her "from beyond" in secret code. Though Bess herself stopped participating in the séances after 1937,members of the magic fraternity have kept the tradition.
If you're conducting a séance tonight and you smell burnt cannoli, you'll know you've erroneously reached Antonin Scalia.
CHEERS to the USA's most incorrigible state. Happy birthday to Nevada---which is correctly pronounced whatever way Donald Trump doesn’t pronounce it---celebrating 153 years as the fun-loving black sheep of the American family today. The "Silver State" makes a boatload of money on gambling, along with booze, prostitution and impulse marriages. At C&J we say, eh, live and let live. But the way your sibling, California, spoons you all the time…
That's a little creepy.
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Ten years ago in C&J: October 31, 2007
CHEERS to drawing a line in the shrapnel-encrusted sand. Afghan president Hamid Karzai says enough is enough. After six years of occupation, U.S. air strikes have got to stop, mainly because we keep blowing up their women and children. The U.S. military/industrial complex plans to issue a joint statement addressing the seriousness of Karzai's request. Just as soon as their CEOs stop laughing.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to Halloween. I read this week that participation on fright night is going to be around 179 million people this year.
And one thing I know that's scarier than any Trump or evil clown costume is the speed at which the rest of 2017 is going to fly by (on, say, a broomstick) after tonight. Halloween is the foot that hits the gas. Blink and you'll miss Thanksgiving and then it’ll be Hanukkah, Festivus and Christmas on your doorstep. As for trick-or-treaters, here in Portland tonight the weather is going to be a bit chilly but otherwise dry, and we're hoping for a decent turnout as the BiPM household readies itself for the annual pitter-patter of li'l ghoul and goblin feet on the porch. As we plop our special treat into their plastic pumpkins and bags, we'll offer our usual caveat: "The little bags of candy corn are for you. The little bottles of Bacardi are for Mommy and Daddy."
Have a terroriffic Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
NASA Sounding Rocket To Probe The Space Between Bill in Portland Maine’s Ears
---Forbes
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