This is likely to be a Iong piece, so bear with me. I promised this community to follow up and keep you all updated on the the fundraising effort this community so generously participated in to ensure that Hunter Chandler was properly laid to rest. When my remarkable granddaughter started the YouCaring page to make sure we could properly bury Hunter and hopefully help his twin brother, Logan, as he embarks on a new journey with Type-1 diabetes and without his beloved twin, we’d only managed to accrue $420, all of it from our extended family. But from the moment my diary hit the rec list until the moment it fell off, the donations poured out in a steady stream and with your help and generosity, our total as of today on this fundraiser is $4056, and there were at least $500 in contributions made from this community directly to the funeral home, bringing us to over $4500. There were several contributions of $100-$250, and another goodly handful of $50 or more, but by far the majority of contributions were in the $5-$25 range. I know that many of you are of limited means and that any contribution puts a strain on your own financial situations. Your generosity and kindness did not go unnoticed or unappreciated.
Because of your generosity, Hunter was given a modest but lovely funeral and a plot to be laid to rest in. We are still short of the funds needed, but the funeral home is working with the family to deal with the remainder. It was through your donations that the plot was purchased and the funeral allowed to go forward. You took a great strain off the hearts and minds of a set of grieving parents and their extended family. I will never be able to express to you our gratitude for your generosity and kindness. My heart is filled with love for the members of the DailyKos community.
When my granddaughter was despairing over how we would find the funds that would allow Hunter to be buried I told her to hold on, I had a place to ask where I knew people of great heart and good conscience would come through, that if we were honest and transparent help would be on the way. And so it came to pass. Whatever the faults and flaws of this community, when one of us finds ourselves in need, this community rises to the challenge and makes things happen. Your sacrifice in our time of need means the world to me and mine. We are eternally grateful.
As to the funeral itself, I wouldn’t know where to begin to describe the proceedings or the heavy sorrow that was visited upon us yesterday, it’s a blur of pain mixed with sad relief, a weight on the chest. There was a talented young man with an acoustic guitar who gave a beautiful rendition of Eric Clapton’s Tears in Heaven. There were two preachers, one quite good, another much less so, but both no doubt a comfort to some there to listen. There was wave after wave of teachers and teenagers filing past the casket, hugging Logan and his parents, all there to pay tribute to their beloved student, their trusted friend. There were my two youngest granddaughters crying inconsolably as I clutched them to me, their faces buried in my armpits looking for comfort while their older sister, exhausted from trying to manage the donations and get them to the right places but now faced with the grim fruits of her efforts, weeping silently just within hands’ reach. As I sat there trying to comfort my grandchildren, Hunter laid out in his casket in front of us, Logan and their little brother, Dayton, crying nearby, it occurred to me that sometimes a grandma just doesn’t have enough arms.
But by far the most affecting portion of the service was the talk given by Hunter’s school principal. She spoke with love and pride of, yes, what a wonderful student Hunter had been, but also what a fine young man he’d grown into. His marvelous sense of humor, his quick and intelligent mind, his big and loving heart. Through her words she allowed me to see what I’d already known but hadn’t yet acknowledged: Hunter was no longer a baby whose diapers I’d changed, he wasn’t a little boy whose boo boos I’d bandaged and kissed, he was a caring and compassionate young adult, ready to take on the world and give of himself for others. He was the very essence of life, taken from us much too soon.
And while Hunter wasn’t even aware of it and the final decision for it rested entirely on his parents’ shoulders, he gave the most profound gift anyone can give. He donated his organs so that others might have a better life. Everything but his small intestine found its way to someone in need or to further research on this dreaded disease.
As I was tending the previous fundraising diary, I received the following message from a dear friend here at Daily Kos. I’ll leave him to identify himself as he sees fit, but I’d really like it if he does decide to step forward to write his own diary detailing how organ donation has affected his life and the various organizations available to help those in need of a donation or those who’ve donated organs and wish to get in touch with those that have received them. Here is the wonderful message I received:
Just had a chance now to donate. I am doubly touched by this story because like I said, I had Type 1 for most of my life and have also been the recipient of donated organs.
Although I share this with people I didn't want to post it in the diary to take away from it. Type 1 is challenging but today like one commenter said, pumps and continuous glucose monitors can act pretty close to the way a real pancreas does. I keep hoping that a cure comes around sooner rather than later for Logan and everyone else's sake. He can manage it, and hopefully he will be able to cope with the loss of his best friend.
As far as Hunter and his parents, my sincerest condolences again. You wrote a little bit in the diary about donating the organs. For me personally, that is probably one of the greatest acts of kindness and selflessness that this family could possibly have done under the most difficult circumstances imaginable. My kidneys failed after over 35 years with Type 1 and I was on dialysis for 4 years when I received a kidney and pancreas transplant from a deceased donor. I tell you this with no intention of alarming you as I know a few people that have had it longer than I have that haven't had any major issues as well. Logan will have things available to him that weren't even around when I first was diagnosed. It's just part of my story. The day I got my transplant, I no longer needed dialysis, and no longer had diabetes. This was life changing...20000 insulin needles and 1200 dialysis needles later, I no longer had to deal with a condition that I had dealt with my whole life...since I was barely six years old. And it was because of the generosity of a stranger and a family that I didn't know, had never met, and had given me a gift that I could never thank them enough for or ever find an even remotely possible way to repay them.
I now do some volunteer work for Donate Life, which is a group that advocates for organ donation. They also do work with donor families, and in working with them I have met both recipients like myself and donor families that have given great gifts to people like me. They have also literally saved the lives of many people that had a more acute need for a transplant. I met a father who lost a son in an auto accident, whose liver saved a very young girl that was literally hours away from passing away.
Gift of Life has a branch in Columbia, and donor families are honored by the program. There is a quilt program where a family can donate a square of a quilt in memory of a loved one that was an organ donor. While there is no right or wrong way to handle such an incredibly difficult situation for any family like Hunter's, nor any time frame that a family has to abide by in their grieving, this is something that is available to Hunter's family. For some families, it can stir up memories they'd rather forget, and for some it helps with the grieving process. They may get letters from a recipient, but may choose not to respond They can write to the recipients and tell them about Hunter if they'd like.
I just wanted to share this with you and you can pass along if and/or when you feel it would help the family cope. I am so sorry this ran on so long too. Here is the Donate Life MO web site for donor families: https://www.mwtn.org/... if you want to look into any of the services that are available to donor families.
Again my deepest condolences to the family for their loss, my very best wishes for Logan to do well with both the condition and with his loss, and my great thanks for the kindness and courage of the family in such a difficult time to make organ donation a priority. Hunter will have saved and touched many lives.
Needless to say, this message left me verklempt. I printed out this message, along with the page on donor services linked within, took them to the funeral and gave them to Hunter’s mother. I told her to read them when she was ready and I’d be there if she wanted help getting in touch with them. As it turns out, she’d already been contacted by someone who’d received one of Hunter’s corneas. I can’t tell you what a comfort this was to her. I believe some of the services provided by Donate Life through the Midwest Transplant Network will be very beneficial to Hunter’s family. There are counseling services, places to share the story of your loved one, projects such as their Donor Quilt Project, all kinds of things that can bring comfort to donor families and provide help for donors and recipients alike.
Organ donation is literally the gift that keeps on giving. In follow-up conversations with my DK friend, he provided links to offer to those of you here who may need them, and to those of you who may want to volunteer your time and resources to help others in need. I encourage all of you to use them and pass them on to others.
Below is the link to the Midwest Transplant Network, which serves Missouri, Kansas and nearby environs, followed by their page for service for donor families:
Midwest Transplant Network
Donor Family Services from Midwest Transplant Network
And here is the link to the national organization, Donate Life Network, where you can find and participate in this program in your local area:
Donate Life America
Here is a link to UNOS, the organization that finds organ matches for donors and recipients. Matching donors with recipients is a complicated process, but UNOS can walk you through everything you need to know:
UNOS
Again, please share these links widely, with anyone you think needs them. There are so many people in need of donor organs, and so many people who have donated that are now in need of comfort. These organizations can provide help and comfort when people need them the most. And if you have the time and/or resources, consider volunteering or donating funds if you can. Let’s all do our part to make sure everyone has the resources they need and whatever comfort we can give them.
And finally, here are the links I shared in the previous diary where you can donate to help repay the bills for Hunter’s funeral, Logan’s accruing medical expenses, and their joint hospital bills. I’m providing them for those that would like to donate but missed this the other day when I first asked, but I’m not begging now, if we raise no more money I’m sure we’ll find a way to do what needs to be done. I was frantic when I wrote the other diary, worried we wouldn’t be able to bury Hunter in a timely fashion and that Logan and their parents would suffer unduly because of it, much less so now. It’s my understanding that if you donate directly to the funeral home, once that bill is paid they’ll collect all those donations and give them to the family to go toward the medical bills. If you contact them and hear something different, let me know and I’ll be on it like a duck on a junebug.
YouCaring page for Hunter and Logan Chandler
And the contact information for the funeral home is:
Houser-Millard Funeral Directors
Again, thank each and every one of you who took the time to donate to our cause during this terrible tragedy. You brought us relief and comfort when we needed it most and our gratitude is boundless. Know that if you ever find yourselves in need, I am but a message away, and I will do whatever I can to help you. We’re all in this together.