Everything about Thursday’s MAJOR Trump announcement seemed scammy, from the misleading buildup to the gauche Trump Steaks-style presentation, to the fact that non-fungible tokens (NFTs) themselves are worth about as much as a theoretical Beanie Baby fart.
With the release of Donald Trump’s new digital “Trump Cards” collection, even some MAGA mites are waking up to the reality that he’s an unserious scammer. Of course, Trump’s always been a worthless grifter—and obviously so. But now he’s made it so obvious even the benighted boobs who make up his devoted fanbase can see it.
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But another part of the announcement should start all our grift-detection antennae a-tinglin’. It’s the bit where he offers one “lucky” worthless-thing purchaser a chance to have dinner with the Real Trump (i.e., not the version that’s just his head pasted on Jared Kushner’s body and stuffed inside an off-brand Buzz Lightyear costume).
That’s because, for one thing, the dinner with Trump will actually cost the winner beaucoup bucks—assuming anyone actually wins the thing, which is hardly guaranteed.
Business Insider:
Purchasers of the card will also automatically be entered into a sweepstakes for a "chance to win 1000's of incredible prizes and meet the one and only #45!" though a purchase of a card is not required to enter the contest. According to the fine print, the prizes include 2,533 NFTs, totaling an approximate value of $54,695.
The website also approximated the cash value of the prizes that include meeting Trump as "$0/priceless."
The fine print also says that anyone who wins an in-person event, such as a meeting with the former president, would be responsible for covering any fees related to travel, lodging, meals, and other expenses related to the trip.
So the guy who claims he’s worth TEN BILLION DOLLARS can’t even spring for travel and lodging for the poor saps who “win” dinner with him? Yeah, I believe he’s a billionaire. Selling fake e-cards online for $99 a pop is totally billionaire behavior. Not to mention he’s an actual former president of the United States, not some dude who played a Sleestak on Land of the Lost a couple of times. Is Cameo the next logical step? I mean, even Steve Bannon and Mike Flynn found it unbecoming, and they permanently Human Centipeded themselves to Trump ages ago.
Of course, the prizewinners may eventually find out that the dinner with Trump is priceless—because it doesn’t exist. After all, Trump has an established history of not honoring these things.
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Back in 2019, Trump promoted a similar dinner in Chicago for one lucky winner. Journalist Judd Legum, writing for Popular Information, tried to determine if anyone had actually won the contest. He found no evidence that the winner-winner-orangeman-dinner had ever occurred.
The winner of the Chicago lunch and 14 other completed contests for meals with Trump remain shrouded in mystery. These contests were promoted heavily via email and Facebook. The Trump campaign has sent at least 86 emails over the last two years about the meals.
But neither Trump nor the campaign ever publicly disclosed the winners. This is perplexing because even something as simple as releasing a photo of the meal is an easy way to generate positive news coverage and increase interest in the next contest.
Well, we all know Trump is famously camera shy. And he’s not the kind of guy who likes to publicize his generosity. So that’s really not proof of anything. But what happens when a journalist specifically asks for evidence that a contest winner actually won something? It should be pretty easy to provide.
Wrong!
Last week, Popular Information contacted Matt Wolking, Deputy Director of Communications for the Trump campaign, and requested the names of the contest winners and/or photos of the meals. Wolking did not respond.
Imagine being a communications director for Trump. I’d probably tell people I’m a mafia accountant or an apprentice squeegee operator at a peep show booth or something.
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More recently, The Washington Post questioned whether anyone won a New Orleans dinner with Trump that was offered back in March.
“We booked you a plane ticket,” one of the pitches said, complete with a photo of Trump superimposed in the French Quarter, beneath the dangling trademark ferns. “Contribute ANY AMOUNT RIGHT NOW to be automatically entered to have dinner with President Trump in New Orleans.”
Another pitch promised a full suite of perks. “We’ll cover your flight. We’ll cover your very nice hotel. We’ll cover your dinner,” the email promised, along with a picture with Trump. “All you have to do is enter.”
[...]
But no such winner was flown to New Orleans last weekend, according to four people familiar with the matter. No flight or “very nice” hotel was booked. Trump had no individual meeting with a small-dollar donor, instead only privately greeting a handful of Republican Party donors who gave large checks, taking pictures with some of the party’s most well-heeled members and speaking to a larger group of donors who each gave tens of thousands of dollars.
The Post noted that the contest “probably raised a sizable sum for Save America,” Trump’s political action committee, but when the newspaper followed up with Trump’s people, Taylor Budowich, a spokesperson, said, “President Trump has awarded more than 100 prizes to contest winners across America, but due to an administrative error in this individual circumstance, the contest winner was not properly notified for last weekend’s event in New Orleans. Consistent with the rules of the sweepstakes, a substitute prize will be awarded to the winner.”
Hmm, seems pretty convenient, huh?
The Post then asked Save America to provide the names of similar contest winners, but the PAC “declined to comment.”
So, yeah, Trump’s NFT grift is even griftier than you thought. Hard to believe, huh?
Of course, it boggles the mind that anyone would actually want to sit down to dinner with Donald Trump, but the Trump Cards have already sold out to nearly 13,000 of Trump’s most gullible devotees. While Dune notes that the vast majority of the 12,874 suckers spent just a few hundred bucks on this nonsense—with an average of about 3.5 digital cards of (no) humanity—Coin Desk reports that only “115 customers purchased 45 NFTs, which is the minimum number of tokens that guarantees a ticket to a dinner with Trump,” with an additional 17 coughing up $9,900 for the 100-card max.
A ticket to a dinner with Trump. Hmm. These people could achieve the same effect with an ipecac Slurpee and five minutes of footage from the Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest. And it would cost zero in travel expenses and lodging.
Now, if anyone reading does happen to enter this contest and somehow win it, please be careful as you nosh on your curly fries and food-adjacent hot apple pie. Trump is like a fast-food black hole. Don’t reach across his event horizon, or you may never get your arm back.
The only thing worse than Trump dangling a dinner he never delivers is Trump actually following through on his promise to turn you off of eating for the sad remainder of your now-squalid life.
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Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.