Season 2, Episode 2: “Space Lasers over Mar-a-Lardo”
What do space aliens, Marjorie Trailer Greene, Donald Trump, George Soros, persons, men, women, cameras, and television sets have in common? No, this is not a rhetorical question.
The answer is—Mar-a-Lardo! Notorious playpen of the rich and heinous! Geriatric ward of the stars! Ground Zero for Krakens, mobsters, cokeheads, grifters of every stripe, and, yes, space aliens.
Scene 1:
We take you now to the putting green at Mar-a-Lardo. The renowned lawmaker Marjorie Trailer Greene has come to pay homage to the Golden Calf of the MAGA Movement—the twice-impeached, one-term former president Donald J. Trump.
MTG: Oh, Mr. President! You like me better than Lauren Blowbert, right? I’m twice as hot as she is!
Trump: I don’t know ... when they’ve got a great bod, I can kinda ignore the face.
MTG: But, Your Holiness! Blowbert is a lying skank! And she gave some guy a handjob in a theater!
Trump: No kidding! … … You think she’d like to go to a show with me?
Scene 2:
The setting changes to OUTER SPACE. An intergalactic spacecraft from Planet Gherth 666 is speeding through billions and billions of stars on a secret mission.
Crewmembers: Captain Ghirk, now that we’re in deep space, will you read us our orders? What’s our mission this time?
Captain Ghirk: (reads) “Your mission is to seek out new worlds, encounter new life forms, and fuck with their heads.”
Ghulu: It’s always the same orders.
Ghok: Only orders I’ve ever seen.
Captain Ghirk: Why quit when we’re on a roll? … There’s more: (reading) “Kidnap specimens and do screwy things to them. Jack ‘em around with all kinds of freaky bullshit. And never, never allow these insects to know why we’re doing it. ”
Crewmember: But Captain, why ARE we doing it?
Captain Ghirk: Reality TV, numb-nuts! Why else?
… Mister Ghulu! Set a course for that crappy little planet “ZUX-2BU 569.1-215-GOBRS”
Ghulu: Aye aye Sir.
Scene 3:
Back on Planet Earth, Florida, same day. A saucer-shaped spacecraft hovers high above Mar-a-Lardo. On the putting green below are two semi-sentient blobs. The one-term former president Donald Trump and Marjorie Trailer Greene are now sharing tips on how to cheat at golf.
The saucer beams up the larger of the two blobs. Space orderlies Ghoe, Gharry, and Ghurly take charge of the big blob.
Ghoe: Spread out! Put it over there! Face UP, you numskulls! (smacks them both upside the head)
Trump: If this is another IQ test, I already aced it! Listen: Person, man, Rhodan, Gamera, TV!
Doctor Ghones: This life-form has advanced dementia.
Trump: I’m a bigger genius than Mister Wizard!
Ghok: We can’t use a piss-poor specimen like this. Nobody back home would believe in it. Beam it down, and bring up the other one.
Trump: I’ll take a Diet Coke!
Exit Trump; enter Marjorie Trailer Greene.
MTG: So this is a SPACE LASER! I KNEW IT! You people must be the Jews! Take me to your leader! Which one of you is George Soros?
Doctor Ghones: This meatball is damaged goods, too.
Captain Ghirk: Two out of two. Oh, well … let’s mess with this one by agreeing with every cockamamie thing it says.
Captain Ghirk: (harsh booming voice)
YES! We are JEWS IN SPACE, like the ones in that Mel Brooks movie! We’re a POWERFUL cartel of rootless cosmopolitans, and our evil plan is to ignite forest fires with our lasers until we rule the world!
You’ve uncovered our plot, so we can’t let you live. Prepare to be destroyed!
MTG: Oh no, oh please, oh God, oh please, don’t destroy me! I’ll never say another frikken word about your space lasers, in fact I’ll switch sides and work for you kikes! I have no loyalty except to chaos and destruction! Let me burn shit up! I love setting anything on fire. Especially books! I’d like to burn down every library in America, with all those Woke Liberals inside!
Captain Ghirk: What do you think, Ghokstein? (wink wink) I’d just as soon vaporize her—it’s been way too long since I’ve wasted an alien life-form, I mean, uh, a Gentile.
MTG: (blubber, sob, whimper)
Captain Ghirk: … Oh, all right. Sheesh…
Attention, Goyish Life-Form! We accept your offer TO SERVE US. Stand by; you will receive instructions via your Shitter account. And remember, shiksa, one word about this and you’re chopped liver!
MTG: Girl Scout’s honor! You say the word and I’ll torch the Library of Congress!
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