It is unfortunate, that our situation nationally, has not changed much since I originally wrote “Coping with Job Loss” in 2009. For that reason, I am offering it here..
Hope it brings a bit of assistance or solace to a few of the many…
Not only about money-
Coping with job loss
When people lose their jobs, the obvious comes to mind. No income. However, experiencing unemployment personally, I have learned the numerous benefits of work along with the pains of unemployment. Understanding this and preparing yourself can mitigate the ways unemployment will hurt. It’s not only about money.
My initial caution to a client (my work was helping others become employed) is that a job search is like being in a boxing ring with your hands tied behind your back, sometimes with a blindfold. A potential employer demands all kinds of personal information yet reveals little to none. You are stripped to your shorts, in a manner of speaking. You are questioned. Tested. Third parties are contacted as your past is probed. Your life on paper must look perfect lest you miss the chance to sell yourself face to face. It feels invasive but you must submit. You are polite, vulnerable and more ingratiating than you ever wish to be. With all of your effort, you may hear nothing in return. Or you may get a letter with the cruel line “We are happy to announce we have chosen a candidate!” (a letter I have received) Followed by qualification (regardless of how it is written) “yada yada, it is not you.” It is a punch to the gut, delivered via mail that is too painful to read through. This scrutiny and judgment can be a real knock out to the self esteem. Recognize this and protect yourself from these ‘punches’. As a job seeker, you are forced to engage in a process that is unbalanced and impersonal. Tell yourself it is not you. Separate yourself from the process. It may be true that your record or your skill set is not perfect, but too often your qualifications are a tip of the iceberg and what is below and unseen is not about you. There may be a dozen reasons you are eliminated that you will never know. Evaluate gently and honestly but don’t give up. File it away and remind yourself that unemployment won’t last forever.
Establishing a routine
Whether your job loss was expected or out of the blue, avoid panic. There are many resources to aid you in finding work. Use them, but developing a coping strategy is as essential as a search strategy. As part of it, the feeling of usefulness should not be underrated. Whether you do a task requiring a high level of skill, or none at all, you need to maintain a sense of accomplishment. Therefore, be certain to do “a something”. That may ease the pain of job loss. It is important that you are not idle. Work without pay, such as in volunteer, may result in an even greater sense of accomplishment or reward because despite your difficulties, you are helping others.
Separate your job search from the rest of your life. With panic, you will feel compelled to do nothing but search for work. This can wear you down to the point of break down. As absurd as it sounds, resist becoming obsessed with your job search. Develop your search strategy, make a schedule, and follow through faithfully. Then let go. It may feel impossible while bills stack up and foreclosure looms. You can easily slide into nothing but vigilance, worry and waiting. But it is crucial to remain functional and balanced. You are more than your job.
During extended periods of unemployment, you may begin to recognize a pattern or cycles of emotional highs but mainly lows. Identifying the pattern can ameliorate the lows and the feeling that you have lost control. The cycle may begin with a rush of hope when you spot a job listing that fits you. It could appear perfect. You get a real high if you are granted an interview; Followed by a gradual decline post-interview. Then, a real crash occurs if days pass without contact or a rejection letter reaches you. The longer you are embroiled in this unkind process, the more vulnerable you are to suffer a crisis of confidence. You may equivocate and question without mercy a job’s suitability OR yours. It is not uncommon to begin questioning what you believe you can do. It is uncharacteristic of the employed, confident you. Make the statement “it is not me” your mantra.
While job loss can knock you down, depression can easily set in and keep you down. This downhill slide may render you with no energy to even seek work. Professional help may be necessary. With or without it, exercise and creativity are steps you can take that counter depression. Chose physical activity that suits you and make it part of your routine. Although many find exercise more pain than pleasure, make it as recreational as possible and keep moving. You don’t need one more thing to dread.
Find something creative to do. It is remarkable how creative simple cooking, for example, can be. Since eating is not negotiable, creativity may be the perfect partner to cooking on a tight budget.
Socialization
When you are unemployed, it can feel like the entire world is working, contrary to our current reality. As unemployment rises and rehire becomes more of a challenge, feelings may intensify. Misery may love company; however, being in a crowd of unemployed people is minor consolation. The sea of the unemployed may feel like competition or be overwhelming. You may feel stuck in the crowd alone. Add that to the possibility the workplace was a key to your socialization. You feel alone in your dilemma, are cut off from friends who are also colleagues as well as suffer the loss of camaraderie. Reconnect with people in whatever way you can but protect yourself. You might discover that family and friends don’t really understand your feelings or respect your strategy. In particular, watch for well meaning advice that sounds good but is counterproductive. You may hear “apply, it can’t hurt?!” It took a long stretch of unemployment to realize that it can, indeed, hurt. A job can be an obvious mismatch yet desperation, or others push you to apply. Take a breath and think it through. You may also hear the refrain “take anything!” When that is possible, compromise may definitely be in order. When that is possible. Employers don’t rush to hire someone over or under qualified. So beware of the notion that you can be employed at anything ‘below’ your level of skill or experience. Realize that some may judge you as unwilling to work at a job that is ‘beneath you’. Another sock to the gut that is not what you need when you feel beaten.
Employers
If you have not had to search for work in years, you might be surprised to learn that potential employers are not the friendliest bunch. Many have had to lay off workers and after giving the boot, may face it themselves. In normal times, employers operate by the credo ‘don’t call us, we’ll call you’. Human Resource departments appear to be more of a wall than a bridge. You will hear menus more than voices. You will be left to negotiate non-negotiable website applications with forced fields to complete. Many employers set the bar for the “ideal” candidate, another punch to the gut that makes you want to give up. All the more reason to take breaks in between your bouts in the ring.
Overall, you may find that not working is the hardest work you have ever done. Be devoted to yourself and work at holding onto, or rediscovering, other parts of you. It may be shocking to learn just how much you have become your job. Use this tough time to reconnect with who you are. Regain perspective on your life rather than become obsessed with finding work. When meeting new people, it is surprising to learn how quickly that after your name, others ask “what do you do?” Remind yourself, you are more than your job. What you do on the job is not the sum total of who you are. Knowledge of this sort can enable you to regain a measure of control, not eliminate the hardship. So you still need to take good care of yourself to handle the loss of your job along with an income. It can be a strange reversal when you are a bread winner that supports others. Give yourself permission to enlist help and allow others to support you. Your role as a spouse, parent, sibling, friend, caretaker, was never built on a resume to begin with.
• Engage in some activity that will give you a sense of “doing something”.
• Rejection shock is real. Tell yourself it is not you but the market.
• Create a daily or weekly routine.
• Be as creative as you can.
• Be kind to yourself. Unemployment can feel like a beating by a stranger.
• Resist becoming obsessed. Connect with other parts of you.
• Learn a new skill.
• Think about who you are and not only what you do.