In January of this year, my entire life was blown to pieces. I was utterly and completely destroyed. I had no idea what to do and little hope that I could ever be alright again.
My wife of 23 years cheated on me. When I confronted her about it, she assaulted me. I left to go live on my friend’s sofa. At that point, she stopped paying rent on the home where she and our two teens were living even as I was sending money for that purpose.
She got evicted and it went on both of our records. Next, she abandoned our children and moved back to her hometown in Michigan. You can read that diary here.
In the comments section of that diary, this community poured forth emotional support, suggestions for actions to take, advice, and links/phone numbers to resources. Community member bigjacbigjacbigjac suggested that I should set up a gofundme page. I followed that advice and this community sprang into action! The gracious help quite literally saved my children and me from homelessness.
Since then, I was able to secure a place to live until the end of September. A friend who is aware of my situation spends his summers in Rochester. He has given us his home for the summer at a very low rate that mostly just covers the utilities. My children had stability with which to finish the school year. They buckled down and got the through the summer school that they regrettably needed as a result of all of the upheaval in their lives.
It’s fair to say that my kids essentially saved my life. During the period when they were with their mother while I was on my friend’s sofa before she ran off, I frequently woke in the morning disappointed that the universe hadn’t shown me the compassion to just let me have an embolism in my sleep.
Having them back in my life gives me purpose, and pride. They show me love and make me feel needed. They also keep me very busy which keeps my mind off of the devastating heart break and bleakness of my present circumstance.
They need to know that the old man isn’t going anywhere, they are not unimportant as I am sure their mother’s choices have caused them to feel, and Ancient Paternal One (as I am sometimes called by them) has got this!
I prepare home cooked meals for them. I drove one of them to and from school and the other to the bus stop daily. I helped with homework. I take them to counseling every week, and grocery shop making sure to bring them each a little something that is just for them so that they know “the man with the hieroglyphic birth certificate” appreciates them.
You know what? They see it and have gotten very affectionate toward me. They’re acting like my teammates in this struggle just as much as they’re acting like my kids. Sometimes, in between poking fun at the hair growing out of my ears or wondering out loud if even my teeth are going to get wrinkly next, they tell me that they love me.
My friend and his wife return on the first of October. I need to have money saved up for first, last, and deposit someplace else by then. Some of the money leftover from that gofundme plus me working 50 to 55 hours a week has me getting close to having enough.
Saving up is slow going as my wife is not helping at all. She won’t send a dime to help feed, shelter, and keep clothing on the backs of her children. I am going to need a divorce lawyer to get a judge to compel her to pay child support.
We’re going to lose everything that she put into storage before running away. She didn’t tell me she was doing it or that she was going to run away. All of my possessions and all of the kids’ possessions were in that house! When she left, she took the keys to the storage units with her. She is furious at me now that I can’t pay the monthly storage fees while I try to save up money and cover mine and my children’s cost of living as a single father.
I filed a tax extension when she left because we will have significant tax issues for which she will need to assume her share of the liability. I am going to need a divorce lawyer for that as well. The tax extension expires in October.
I found a good lawyer, but the retainer is out of reach for now while I address the need for money to get a new place for us to live. That really has to come first.
It was also suggested in that first diary that I should come back for help when it was time to get a divorce lawyer. Given the October expiration on the tax extension and my wife’s refusal to help with our children’s cost of living as well as the need to move by September 30th, I guess that the time is now.
I am not a person who likes to ask for help, but I will not let my children down, so here I am. I am sorry to ask, but if you would like to help, here is the link. I very much appreciate what the wonderful people of this community have already done for us. It pains me to be back doing this now.
I don’t have a lot of give up in me. We’re going to make it. We are! That we’ve made it this far would not have been possible without the help that we got from the huge hearted and incredibly kind people here at Dkos. I love you all and am so very grateful for this community.
One additional request: If you cannot make a donation, we love still love you. Maybe give us a rec so this stays visible to the folks who might please.
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