I know this isn’t the headline right now — it should be all hands on deck regarding the most ridiculous and dangerous thing yet to come out of the other candidate’s mouth — but I have been in a reflective mood today — all from President Bill Clinton’s speech and the reaction from Rachel Maddow last night.
For background, and please don’t flog me — I was raised in a Republican household during the Reagan years — with the threat of global nuclear war looming in every news clip and movie. The image of Gorbachev and Reagan on the ferry and the wall coming down left lasting impressions on me as a teenager. Bill Clinton came along and I was in my early twenties — just coming off a 4 year high school sweetheart breakup and hitting the bar scene. Bill was obviously one of those you sensed was a player. I detested his every being and said so loudly. I was appalled he was elected and bought the right wing line about Hillary as First Lady. The scandals broke and I wasn’t surprised and detested him more. I bought the line that she stayed with him for political gain.
My life moved on and my interest in politics was set aside until I became a mother and started paying attention again. I was still a Republican on 9/11. I was so proud and moved by the efforts of the country coming together. I’ve told this story before in several comments — the Republican in me came undone with the Iraq war and finally Hurricane Katrina. I fell in love with Obama’s rhetoric but wanted to make sure he was the real deal — (reference back to the bar thing — heard a good line or two — note to self don’t trust it at first hearing). Researched him — walked the roads for him in West Virginia during the primary. Still not a fan at all of Sec Clinton (although I was given pause from hearing how well she was respected and worked so hard as the Senator for NY). And then, she worked hard for Obama in the primary and then as Secretary of State. I would say she gained my respect — but that sounds arrogant and actually I should say — I learned I was mistaken all these years about her. I have been a quiet supporter of hers this year — not wanting to get in the primary wars.
I am outspoken at times, opinionated, I have worked in a “man’s” field of engineering in the petroleum industry cause that is what is local and what I fell into all those years ago from the high school sweetheart breakup. I consider myself a feminist. I have been married 20 years — not to the high school sweetheart — but a much better man. Our marriage hasn’t been easy. Most marriages I know haven’t been easy. A close friend of mine and I sat on the phone as we waited to hear from a PI to confirm her husband was cheating- and had to help her pick up the pieces when the PI did confirm. I couldn’t stand him — but I supported her however she decided to go. This wasn’t my life — my family.
Maybe this background isn’t necessary. Here is what I really want to say, and I mentioned this last night in a comment, I know I won’t be able to express it as eloquently and succinctly as Josh Marshall did in his simple post last night. Life is messy — relationships are messy. When you are young — as I was — you rail about these concepts of fidelity and perfect marriages. Once you take a spin on this ride — the railing isn’t sure— where do you fall — it’s complicated. That friend who I supported during that phone call and since — stayed. Our lives are journeys. We just watched with knowing eyes and hearts— a marriage that is messy, complicated, full of bitter-sweetness play out on live tv last night. Rachel looked at in a cynical view — how is this going to play politically for Bill and Hillary — is this really where they want to go?
I can’t tell you how touched I was watching and listening to Bill Clinton’s speech and still am. Do I forgive him for what he did? It isn’t my place to do so. Do I romanticize the way he told the story? It isn’t my place to do so. Do I feel sorry for Hillary or think she should have left? It isn’t my place to do so. My marriage has had ups and downs — trust issues- rough times. We are still together, my friend is still with her husband — not my call. Hillary stuck it out — and it is more complicated than we need to know. The story he told -was one of love, her unbelievable accomplishment and strength, heartbreak, and redemption to her (not me)— without explicitness. It was a story we all know. It is a story we can all feel. I am sorry Rachel chose to look at that with cynical eyes. Hillary’s character and strength were emphasized in the quiet part of that speech as well as in the list of incredible accomplishments she has achieved.
Anyway, I’m not sure I should have written this down. But to quote Josh Marshall — his speech was “profound”. Sorry for the rambling.
