From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Dear Washington, D.C. Monuments Commission. I would like to submit a design for the future George W. Bush Monument. It should be built out of the finest granite, so that it may forever symbolize the Bush legacy. Here is my design:
T
HHH
IIII
RRR
TTT
YYY
TTT
HHH
RRR
EEE
EEE
PPP
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RRR
CCC
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NNN
TTT
This is actual size, by the way. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely, Bill in Portland
Weekend...straight ahead!! Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, April 21, 2006
Note: We got some email from an African prince who said he needed a bank account number to transfer millions of dollars. We gave him yours. He sends you many greetings and blessings.
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By the Numbers:
Days `til Memorial Day: 41
Days `til Summer: 61
Percent of Americans who say they hear profanity in public frequently or occasionally: 74%
Percent who say they themselves say "f-ck" occasionally: 64%
(Gallup via The Week magazine)
Days the federal terror alert system has been in place: 1,495
Days spent at terror alert level Green or Blue: 0
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Your Puppy Pic of the Day: Looks like somebody closed the bar last night.
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CHEERS to the bottomless pit. Fox News poll has The Great Decider at 33 percent approval. All together now: "His lowest level ever!" Iraq tops the list of grievances of John and Jane Q. Public, followed by "generally doing a bad job." To put it in perspective, the new numbers rank him higher than mold, tornados and gout...but lower than dust mites, eczema and Michael Jackson.
JEERS to ol' ferretface. Fox News's Tony Snow is one the people being considered to replace Scott McClellan as White House press secretary. But last night The O'Reilly Factor blew his chances all to hell:
Bill O'Reilly: This is true, right? They're lookin' at you to, perhaps, fill McClellan's job...
Tony Snow: They're lookin' at a number of people and the Great Mentioner [sic] has said that I'm one of `em.
O'Reilly: And you are going to get the job, in my opinion. And you know how often I'm wrong.
Sorry, Tony...with a blessing like that, you don't have a prayer.
CHEERS to the Master of Snark. We can only imagine what Mark Twain would've thought of blogging, but we suspect he would have embraced it and hauled in every Koufax Award in existence (because, hey, it's Mark Twain). He died on this date in 1910. After you pay your respects, pay a visit to Brainyquote and you'll get a snark buzz right through your screen.
CHEERS to Katherine Harris. Sure, her opponent, Democrat Bill Nelson, is beating her in the latest Quinnipiac poll 56% to 27%. But we say, stick to yer guns, baby! Stay in that fight and keep talkin', no matter how much smoke comes out of your party leaders' ears. Attagirl!
CH'CHING! to Bid'ness 101. See, here's how it works under the Bush administration. 1) They produce slick ads for a Quick `n Easy Victory! 2) We give them our money. 3) They take that money and spend it thus and so:
"The cost of the war...continues to rise, from $48 billion in 2003 to $59 billion in 2004 to $81 billion in 2005 to an anticipated $94 billion in 2006, according to the Center for Strategic and Budgetary Assessments. The U.S. government is now spending nearly $10 billion a month in Iraq and Afghanistan, up from $8.2 billion a year ago, a new Congressional Research Service report found.
4) In return, we get record heroin production and a civil war in countries far far away. 5) No refunds, no returns, no receipts. 6) Have a nice day!
JEERS to the number 11. As of last Wednesday (thanks to Andy for correcting us), that's how many years it's been since Timothy McVeigh parked a truck bomb in front of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City. The explosion killed 168 people and injured hundreds. We hope you'll pause and pay your respects. One person who probably won't is Ann Coulter---she'll be too busy writing "jokes" like this:
"My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times building."
Hardy har har.
CHEERS to the...coughcough!...Blue Planet. Tomorrow is Earth Day. And considering how overzealous George W. Bush is about promoting a `culture of life,' he sure didn't waste any time accelerating the extinction of We the Species. By the way, he'll commemorate the day by visiting the sand traps and water hazards---now designated as wetlands by the gub'ment---during a GOP fundraiser at the Toscana Country Club. See? He really cares.
CHEERS to wurds. 178 yeers agow tooday, Noah Webster puhbilshed the fuhrst (frist??) Amarrican dikshunery. It hellpd peeple spull bettor. (Sorry...every now and then we like to torture our spellchecker.)
JEERS to the Puritan Brigade. Oh, here's a shocker: The FDA (now a wholly-owned subsidiary of James Dobson, Inc.) says marijuana has no medicinal value at all, contradicting "a 1999 review by the Institute of Medicine, a part of the National Academy of Sciences, the nation's most prestigious scientific advisory agency." Remember, this is the same FDA that ignored warnings over Vioxx...and refused to allow over-the-counter sales of the Plan B emergency-contraception pill because it might offend the knuckledragger fundy Christians' delicate sensibility. The money quote from Today's Times article:
Dr. Daniele Piomelli, a professor of pharmacology at the University of California, Irvine, said he had "never met a scientist who would say that marijuana is either dangerous or useless." Studies clearly show that marijuana has some benefits for some patients, Dr. Piomelli said. "We all agree on that," he said.
Dangerous factmongers.
CHEERS to Queen Elizabeth. It's her birthday. YOU spank her 80 times.
CHEERS to sleeping with your favorite Kossacks. Quilters across the country---organized by the folks at Street Prophets---pitched in to create this beautiful work of art, which will be raffled off during the YearlyKos convention (tickets will be available online, too). Just...WOW. But we're still bummed that our life's work was rejected: the pink tank cozy.
JEERS to Liu and Laura. Y'know, I may not sleep with women, but I've studied enough female body language to know that these two want to open up a can of whupass on each other. Seconds after this photo was taken, by the way, the index finger belonging to the woman in the middle---gone.
CHEERS or JEERS to linkydinks. From the giant throbbing C&J mailbag:
"I look forward to reading your post every day on DailyKos but I have to say I hate that you've changed your links so that they open in a new window. I find it more difficult to read what you post because it's harder to navigate between windows when I can just hit the back button on my browser."
Fair enough. We find the new HTML has it's pluses and minuses, but we shall defer to the wisdom of you, the huddled masses. Take the poll, please. (Dip your finger in the purple ink as you leave---freedom on the march and all that...)
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One Year Ago in C&J: April 21, 2005:
JEERS to terror along the Tigris. Just awful: 57 bodies of hostages seized by insurgents in Iraq were discovered floating in the Tigris River yesterday (and 19 more found executed in a soccer stadium). The right-wing numskulls will say it's more evidence that we're winning the war on terrorism ("They're getting desperate!"). Fly over there and tell that to the relatives.
JEERS to sto...pand...gotraff...ic. The Institute of Transportation Engineers says that the traffic light system in most American cities really sucks. Poor timing of lights wastes gas and time, while increasing pollution. Doesn't affect us...we always thought they were more of a guide, anyway.
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And just one more...
CHEERS to Americablog. The guys who exposed Jeff Gannon/James Guckert's prostitution past---not to mention scads of other Republican- and corporation-fueled shenanigans---have been at it for two years as of tomorrow. They've become one of C&J's indispensable "must-read" blogs. Joe, Chris, Michael...Thank You. And John...two snaps and a twist for you, big fella.
Have a great weekend! Go frolic pantsless through the daisies or somethin'. Floor's open...what are you cheering and jeering about today?
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