Her screen name was "Pink Bamboo" on the military spouse board. But, in late January of 2005, we all came to know her by her first name, which was Emily. She was a new wife, and very young; she’d been married less than a year to her husband, who had deployed to Iraq from Ft. Lewis, Washington.
I remember the day this all happened because I had been traveling for a work assignment, and had just unpacked at my hotel, logged onto my e-life and hit the military spouse board I belonged to. I immediately saw the thread titled "My DH was just killed," which was about 60 pages long and counting. That thread stayed at the top of the forum for days...
On that Saturday evening, all she knew was that her husband was dead, the Army hadn’t released details to her yet. You could feel her grief through the keyboard, and she was clinging to her imaginary friends on the internet for dear life. All the rest of us were clinging right back. The message board traffic was extremely busy, and stayed busy until her husband’s funeral. No one wanted to leave her alone, and the unspoken understanding was that we all knew that this could now happen to any of us. Our little internet cocoon was no longer safe from death or grief.
In the following days, she told us the details of her husband’s death, which was caused by a sniper’s bullet. He had been out on patrol handing out pamphlets and encouraging Iraqis to vote in the elections.
The funeral announcement was posted on the board, and wives that were within a day's travel; drove or flew up to attend. The rest of the members of the board took up a collection, and we sent roses in the colors of the message board theme.
And now over two years have passed since Emily lost her husband. After the funeral, she stayed away from the message board for a while. I think the board probably reminded her of the life she had, and what was cruelly taken from her. And I’d be lying if I didn’t say her presence probably did make some of the other military wives uncomfortable. She was a reminder of our husbands' mortality and the daily danger they face, and the grief and heartache any one of us could face. But, she does come back periodically to let us know how she’s doing.
In the two years since becoming a widow at age 22, she’s graduated from college, landed her first real job, bought a house, and started dating again. Late last year, she came on to the boards to announce she was engaged to be married. As hard as it is to imagine, life can and does go on, and she’s been a wonderful example of how resilient people can be.
Yesterday and today, the families of Steven Tudor, Ray Bevel, Jeffrey Avery, and Dale Peterson, all received the worst news a military family could get. More funerals, more grief, and a lot more holes left in families' lives' that will never be filled.
And even though his name hasn't been officially released by the DoD, Kevin Gaspers, another one of my husband's fellow ROTC cadets from the University of Nebraska's Big Red Battalion, was killed Monday. He was a assigned to the 82nd Airborne Division, and one of the nine soldiers killed by a suicide bomber. He was a 2nd year cadet when my husband graduated from the program.
My husband says that:
"he was an excellent cadet."
My diary last week cited the number of dead at Three-thousand, three-hundred, and twelve. One week later, twenty-two more U.S. Servicemembers have been killed, 3,334. And I'm not keeping track of all the other lives lost in this mess.
All of the U.S. fatalities can be seen here or here. They all had loved ones, families and friends. The DoD news releases are here.
I Got the News Today is a diary series intended to honor, respect and remind. This series is maintained by i dunno, with the help of Sandy on Signal, monkeybiz and myself.
Click here for the previous diary in this series or click the IGTNT tag.
Diarist's note: We are in need of one or two more people who would like to join the IGTNT team of diarists. If you're interested in joining the team, please send an email to Sandy on Signal, monkeybiz or myself. Our email addresses are listed in our profiles.