KosAbility is a community diary series posted at 5 PM ET every Sunday and Wednesday by volunteer diarists. This is a gathering place for people who are living with disabilities, who love someone with a disability, or who want to know more about the issues surrounding this topic. There are two parts to each diary. First, a volunteer diarist will offer their specific knowledge and insight about a topic they know intimately. Then, readers are invited to comment on what they've read and or ask general questions about disabilities, share something they've learned, tell bad jokes, post photos, or rage about the unfairness of their situation. Our only rule is to be kind; trolls will be spayed or neutered.
Meh
Urban Word of the Day
Indifference; to be used when one simply does not care.
As sorely tempted as I am to make that the sum total of my dairy today, (and yes I was tempted just to submit "meh" as my dairy for commentary on life, the universe and everything at this point) I figure I better try to put a little bit more effort into this.
Though I'd much rather be wrapped up in my flannel red plaid jammy pants, black fuzzy robe, sleeping, eating food that I don't have to make (and chocolate ice cream), unhooking the land line, turning off my cell phone, rifling through Netflicks, comcast on-demand, what ever is in our video library and demanding someone stop by Red Box and get me 25 movies . . . then telling everyone kindly . . . or not . . . to "SHOVE OFF!"
And just how long do I want to live this way?
Until I bloody well decide not to live this way, whenever that comes!
(Which means, probably April.)
I think I need some music to continue with this POS dairy
Another Day
Paul McCartney & Wings
Ev'ry day she takes a morning bath she wets her hair
Wraps a towel around her as she's heading for the bedroom chair
It's just another day
Slipping into stockings, stepping into shoes
Dipping in the pocket of her raincoat
It's just another day
At the office where the papers grow she takes a break
Drinks another coffee and she finds it hard to stay awake
It's just another day . . .
. . .So sad, so sad
Sometimes she feels so sad . . .
So why am I "suddenly" being so anti-social? And why have I withdrawn so much? (my interactions/comment rate here is down, my facebook comments are down, my email rate is down, and I don't want to talk on the phone much)
Because I suffer from the oh so "wonderful" disease called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) also know as seasonal depression.
During the fall and winter months, some people suffer from symptoms of depression that can appear gradually or come on all at once. These symptoms often dissipate as spring arrives and stay in remission through the summer months. For some people, this is a sign that they suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).
- American Psychiatric Association
Really?! Cuz, this is oh so pleasant. I want to keep all this "fun" for myself. /snark
I feel so out of sync with myself and others, it's almost like I drunk the water on Scalos. Or to be more precise with the analogy, everyone drank up the Scalosian water and left none for me.
Causes, incidence, and risk factors
The disorder may begin during the teen years or in early adulthood. Like other forms of depression, it occurs more often in women than in men.
People who live in places with long winter nights are at greater risk for SAD. A less common form of the disorder involves depression during the summer months.
Other factors that may make SAD more likely include:
Amount of light
Body temperature
Genes
Hormones
Symptoms:
Symptoms usually build up slowly in the late autumn and winter months. Symptoms are usually the same as with depression:
Increased appetite with weight gain (weight loss is more common with other forms of depression)
Increased sleep and daytime sleepiness (too little sleep is more common with other forms of depression)
Less energy and ability to concentrate in the afternoon
Loss of interest in work or other activities
Slow, sluggish, lethargic movement
Social withdrawal
Unhappiness and irritability
- U.S. National Library of Medicine
I've known for over 30 years that I suffer from seasonal depression (Seasonal Affective Disorder). My Mom made the connection when I was young and seemed to follow my Dad's arc of unhappiness, irritability, loss of interest in actives, lethargy, etc.
Keep in mind this seasonal depression manifested itself in Denver, CO which gets 350 days of sun shine every year and sits at Latitude 39.78°N. Sooooo when I grew up, knowing that I had SAD and it was time to move, did we move south to sunny California, Arizona or Florida??? (in hind sight thank gawd we didn't move to the last two places . . . )
NO!
We moved to Massachusetts, whose weather can suck as bad as London's weather (but not as bad as Seattle's) in the overcast and rainy department. And it is further north (Latitude 41.93°N). During the northern hemisphere's winter months that latitudinal position is important because as our hemisphere tilts away from the sun, that position explain why we get even less bright sun light as the sun is lower in the sky all day long. (the same is true for the southern hemisphere's winter months)
Why did we choose to move to Massachusetts?
cuz weeze entellijent
It was actually a combination of reasons the eventually lead us to sink our roots down here.
I don't mind MA so much now. In the beginning my SAD was worse then it is today and come April there were years I marveled that I actually made it through . . . alive. When visiting family and friends in Colorado and Kansas now I wonder how they can even get SAD with so much sun.
It's all relative.
Are there treatments for Seasonal Affective Disorder?
Yes.
Treatment for seasonal affective disorder includes light therapy (phototherapy), psychotherapy and medications. Don't brush off that yearly feeling as simply a case of the "winter blues" or a seasonal funk that you have to tough out on your own. Take steps to keep your mood and motivation steady throughout the year.
- the Mayo Clinic
So why haven't I done any of them?
I have been to therapy and on anti depressants when clinically depressed, so those things aren't any thing new to me (and my clinical depressions covered my SAD months). I really don't want to be on medication right now because I am trying to loose weight and my experience with anti-ds, I put on weight.
I talk a lot more, no necessarily to a therapist, I don't hold as much in any more. And I do write dairies here and spend a lot of time getting my snark on (which helps and is in the very spirit of "meh').
I also do things that lift my spirits, like making sure there is a vase of flowers in the living room all winter long.
This is my SAD Vase (it's intentionally misspelled in the title)
The vase sits empty most of the spring, summer and fall. I only begin to employ it when I feel myself falling. It works out better than a potted plant (which I do have too - you can see a little of it's green ceramic pot on the left), changing out bouquets for different color combination every two weeks or so helps, plus I now have "seasonal" decorations in my living room - all bright for winter, to help keep my spirits up.
My entertainment choices also changes during the winter. I do tend to go for comedies (intelligent comedies, I can't stand the silly ones. Or ones based on the embarrassment of others. Other than for "Hot in Cleveland," I am not a sitcom watcher), intelligent: drama, sci-fi or fantasy serials or movies.
Right now I am not watching political shows as much, or police dramas. Much of reality television is not my bag. It doesn't have to be light fare, but something that gets me invested, like Downton Abbey. And I am so waiting for the return of "Sherlock."
I am a faithful listener of the "Stephanie Miller Show" in the mornings because I need, must have, the laughs. When the Sexy Liberal Comedy Tour* was here last summer, I stayed for the meet and greet. I told her how much she and the mooks mean to me, especially during the winter months. She may have thought I was exaggerating, but I am not.
What I read changes for the winter. During the winter I tend more for the snarky, funny, or light brain candy during the winter. Sadly last week I killed my Kindle- It seems it's not as "idiot proof" as I need it to be. So I have to drag my rear to the library or several towns away to the Barnes and Noble, to get something to read until I can get my Kindle taken care of.
Even with all of this, with knowing how to keep my spirits up - such as I can, sometimes I fail. I have had nights of total melt down.
Last Saturday, the second or third of a most dreary few days (in many ways I'll take snow over rain because snow in the winter brightens. Rain, it's dark, it's gray. it's meh) was almost one such melt down. On Sunday, when the sun came out again I got myself a cup of coffee and drove to a local park.
I then positioned my car in such a way as to get the sunlight without staring into the sun and blinding myself, I sat and drank my coffee. It wasn't the half an hour recommended for light therapy. But it was enough to make the day better.
Bright sun light is often an effective treatment for SAD. But with over cast dreary days, and a low sun in the sky, bright sunlight can be hard to find. To help fix that there are light boxes.
A light box is made up of extremely bright florescent lights. Some light boxes can produce a bright 10,000 lux light which is equivalent to a bright sunny day. 2,500 lux is necessary to be effective. A well lit living room is about 250 lux and a well lit office is about 500 lux.
One doesn't stare at the light either. It is quite effective off to the side when someone is reading, working on the computer, cooking, etc. Just so long as the light "hits" your eyes.
There are light boxes that do the same thing and I could use them even on rainy dark days. So why haven't I gotten one?
Please refer to the entellijent qualification above.
The answer is I truly don't know. Every winter I say I should get one, and every summer I say "oh you got through it you really don't need it, do you?"
entellijence
My husband does recognize that I do need sun light and has recommended I go out and get some. But I think, I've gained such a SAD reputation that if he were to suggest a light box during my SAD periods, he either might pull back a stub or I might just tell him where to plug it in. . . . despite the fact that I know that the light box wouldn't work that way.
But I'll get through this winter, I always do. (and yes, you can nag me about the light box - most of you are out of range )
But if I'm not on here much or interacting like I usually do, it's because I'm SAD right now. I really am.
Thanks for understanding.
Other sites (than the ones linked to above) with more information:
WebMD
Healthy Minds
Wikipedia (wait until tomorrow)
Mental Health America
Kid's Health -- TEEN
National Alliance on Mental Health
If SOPA/PIPA were in place, this would have been a lot less colorful and entertaining diary. Frankly I don't know if I could have written it without the links to music and other things.