Welcome to Top Comments: Awards Edition Plus Edition. AEP is your one-stop snark shop for political buffoonery, poltroonery, rank hypocrisy and asshattery and, of course, the Golden Douchenozzle Award. I must say, there is quite a field out there of potential GDN winners.
Tonight in Awards Edition Plus we have an editorial by Lenin Cat, the General Manager of Irrigation Solutions, Inc., the collective factory which produces the Golden Douchenozzles--located just steps from Portland, Maine's celebrated Burnham and Morrill baked bean plant--as well as the News of Dubious Veracity Department, the Department of WOOT! as well as the Golden Douchenozzle Award Nominees. Oh, and of course, Top Comments. Speaking of which, a quick word from our sponsor....
....drumroll, please....National Coming Out Day!!!
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Here at Top Comments we strive to nourish community by rounding up some of the site's best, funniest, most mojo'd and most informative commentary. We depend on your help with talent spotting. If you see a comment by another Kossack that deserves wider recognition, please send it to topcomments at gmail by 9:30pm Eastern. Please please please include a few words about why you sent it in as well as your user name (even if you think we know it already :-)), so we can credit you with the find!
The romp starts over the divider-doodle...
Awards Edition Plus--Top Comments Edition Editorial
by Lenin Cat, Hero of Socialist Labor and President of the Feline Workers International
On Occupy Wall Street and the Oppressors of Working People
At Irrigation Solutions, Inc., I run a collective. While our organization might me a bit more "hierarchical" than the OWS movement is, we still utilize a great deal of consensus-based decision making--especially when it comes to profit-sharing. One of the things our collective has in common with OWS, however, is that everyone has a voice. One of the things that I really admire about OWS is their commitment to a horizontal structure and decision making by consensus. As an old Bolshevik, I have had to mellow myself in order to embrace this new way of thinking--at first, to me, it smelled of Rosa Luxembourg, but the more I study it, the more I think that they are on to something--as long as they don't make our mistake and become dogmatic about it.
There seems to be this common "complaint" amongst the rotting, doddering Capitalist class and their lackey media, that OWS is disorganized, and "doesn't stand for anything". I call BS on that. First of all, it's clear to me that they stand for each other, for a stronger, fairer America, and for the reform of the financial industry and the political system in this country. Second of all, it is clear to me that they don't stand as much against anything as for lots of good, progressive, reformist ideals. As Kossack Jesse LaGreca recently said, and I paraphrase, it is the movement's job to call attention and it is the legislator's job--not lobbyists' jobs, not corporate America's jobs--to actually write legislation that effects change.
This last part is what the oppressors cannot fathom. They cannot understand it, and this becomes clearer day by day. What I think is that the Capitalists fear that they may no longer write bills themselves, and this terrifies them because their influence might be diminished. The legislators, in turn are also terrified, because if the OWS movement has its way, they may be asked to actually have to write legislation themselves, thus exposing their complete and utter incompetence.
Be forewarned, Comrades! Take action! We all know how the last Gilded Age turned out.
Department of WOOT!
OK, y'all/yinz/youse guys, you know what this is going to be about: MinistryofTruth's aka Jesse LaGreca's schooling of the talking heads on Amanpour's show on Sunday. Considering he's new at this, I found it outstanding. It was fun to see how they didn't get what Jesse was talking about at all--they clearly cannot wrap their heads around it. It was like watching a grandparent trying to figure out what their teenage granddaughter is talking about with her friends over the phone. George Will was particularly out of touch as he tried to force Jesse into the box of 1968. It was really fun to watch. He'll surely get better, and I suspect we'll be hearing more from him. In fact, just yesterday, who did NPR turn to when reporting on OWS? Why, Jesse LaGreca, of course! Go Jesse!
News of Dubious Veracity Department
via the North American Society for the Promotion of Fried Dough:
Daily Kos: Front Pagers Paid in Donuts
by Tim Horton and Donnkin Donaught with Chris P. Krehm
Tuesday, San Francisco. In a startling revelation by international gadfly Anonymous, it has come to light that front page staff of the notoriously liberal blog Daily Kos are actually paid in donuts and pie. Speaking off the record from his anonymous location in Portland, Maine, one front-pager told the NASPFD Journal that "yes, in lieu of greenbacks, we are often paid in donuts. This suits us. Personally, my favorite is the "socialist f@&kstick", which most people would call a "cruller". When you let them get stale, they are fun to hurl at other Kossacks". Blog founder Moleass Mousetits could not be reached for comment....
....and now, a word from our sponsor...
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Limerick Department
Sunday, in cassandracarolina's excellent limerick diary, in which she offered an epic poem in limericks about the GOP candidates, I offered a couple of good ones on Cain in the comments: here's a couple, including a "clean" one which includes "Nantucket":
There once was a Cain from Nantucket
who put all of his hopes in one bucket.
There was pizza and wings,
and all sorts of things
for the fratboys to eat, then upchuck it.
and a more political one:
The powers that be think that Cain
obfuscates their most dubious game--
that to kick up their base
they must not mention race
while maintaining their bigoted claim.
Golden Douchenozzle Award Nomination Department
From the "Sunday" shows:
Newt Gingrich is such a douchenozzle. I mean, really. You could smell his contempt for ordinary Americans and the OWS protesters especially. Or maybe he just shouldn't have had that fifth burrito Saturday night. There's no telling. What was really douchey though was his promise that if he's elected President, his first act would be to create a Constitutional crisis by asking Congress to subpoena Federal judges who make decisions he doesn't agree with. That's just what we need, Newt. As Jesse apparently said to the AP yesterday, "go look after your third marriage". And lay off the Mexican food, will ya?
Herman Cain was even more douchey. To him, the OWS movement is "Un-American". "Get a Job", he says, while having no clear jobs program. The only thing he didn't say is "cut your hair". But that's not the douchiest thing he said. When questioned by that exquisite corpse Bob Schieffer about his proposed 9% national sales tax--Schieffer asked if it wouldn't disproportionately affect poorer people--Cain went on to explain that that tax only applied to new goods, not used and that poor people would then have "even more choice": between buying new goods or used. So, for Cain, he's giving them "more choice"--between the Five and Dime and Goodwill. Douchenozzle.
James O'Keefe, violating parole, seems to have shown up at Occupy Wall Street. As a kind of provocateur. MinistryofTruth has a keen diary up about the cowardice of this right-wing twink. Total right-wing douchenozzle.
Mitch McConnell continues his douchenozzlery in the Senate by putting "Defeat Barack Obama" first and American jobs second. He talks about another round of "stimulus", a "failed model", but forgets that his political love-daddy, George W. Bush was him that done what started it. Funny, when you set your sights on a deer--and I can tell you this as a hunter myself--you'll miss the moose that walks buy, even if it gores you. Speaking of hunting, it's rutting season.
The Supporters of Legalized Gambling in Maine and supporters of Question 2. Yep, bringing casinos into Maine is a big deal lately. Especially since the supporters think it's going to bring money to Maine, even though many of these casinos would funnel their money straight back to Las Vegas. I live in a small fishing village. We already have a problem with meth, alcohol and domestic violence. Exactly what Maine needs: put gambling in the mix. I hate to say this, but I'd rather have a paper mill, thank you.
Mayor Thomas Menino of Boston, whom I voted for twice, a strong friend of every neighborhood, of the LGBT community, of African-Americans, Latina/o folks, Asian-Americans, working folks, affluent folks, heck, even Cabots and Lowells! Well, one thing he started out being a friend of and quickly reversed his position on, was #OccupyWallStreet. It turns out old Mumbles got bitten by both State Street and Teh Stoopid:
"Civil disobedience doesn't work for Boston; it doesn't work for anyone."
Man. Tell that to the Sons of Liberty, the British East India Company, and while you're at it, Mr. Mayah, tell it to the Sons of Bigotry in South Boston that opposed Bussing. What a douchenozzle.
Breaking: Kossack Keori tells me that the Boston Police assaulted Veterans for Peace at OccupyBoston last night and trampled on American flags. DOUCHENOZZLES.
As usual in the Top Comments: Awards Edition Plus Edition, I'll leave it up to the readers to award the prize in the poll. The prize consists of one, mounted, solid Gold, Glenn-Beck-approved douchenozzle plus an all-expense trip to Portland, Maine for the winner and a guest, with accommodations at the homeless shelter of our choice and a guided tour of the Golden Douchenozzle Factory. Note: HazMat suits must be worn for portions of the tour.
Now, without further ado, on to Top Comments and Top Mojo!
Kossack Killer of Sacred Cows submits this comment from puddytat with the commentary:
Why the 1% are so freaked out by us, stated perfectly..."
The entire thread is worth reading, I certainly read it.
From Kossack bronte17, a couple of good ones:
From bronte17:
heh... GenXangster tells it like it is with how Herman Cain talks shit from Sugar Hill in the diary Harry Belafonte: Herman Cain is a "Bad Apple" by TomP.
And for our brothers and sisters who are Occupying... good info to print out and keep How To Be a Winter Patriot from ruleoflaw in James O'Keefe is an absolute COWARD... from MinistryOfTruth. [UPDATE: ruleoflaw turned that great comment into a diary that will have even more Cold Weather Tips for Protesters.
Kossack maggiejean offers this:
I would like to nominate this comment by allie123 whose commitment to keeping our community informed of the latest news from Haiti I applaud with gratitude. This TC offering is done with the hope that her good work will reach out to an even wider audience. allie123 posts her Haiti updates in black kos on Tuesdays and Fridays.
Note from Commonmass: this comment gives us some news about cholera in Haiti. This is a comment we should all read.
Here is your humble diarist's pick, from one of the GOP debates open threads diaries--the best distillation of the platform of that great genius Herman Cain, See it here! by Kossack here4tehbeer. Don't miss this one.
Where would we be without Top Mojo? Here is it is:
1) I was wrong, and I apologize. by slinkerwink — 179
2) VERY good insights and breakdown by commonmass — 138
3) I didn't know that the terms of his probabtion... by Richard Cranium — 90
4) Excellent diary and great points by Phoebe Loosinhouse — 80
5) I was listening to RW radio last night where by importer — 78
6) The failure on the part of the government by NY brit expat — 76
7) speaking of no end in sight, slink by nyceve — 75
8) Reporters: find out how common infiltration is by Dirk McQuigley — 75
9) sean hannity is a chicken shit by That Korean Guy — 74
10) I'm not sure you were wrong because by Puddytat — 71
11) He's doing some of that hard-hitting by Bindle — 70
12) governor scott "ratfucker" walker by sodalis — 70
13) I guess it's not just me by beltane — 69
14) Monday morning quarterbacking. by Boris49 — 69
15) I guess this might suprise some people. But for me by mrsgoo — 68
16) I can't watch Sean Coulter and Anne Hannity, by noise of rain — 65
17) When Did Patriotic Sean Hannity Serve? by Empower Ink — 65
18) Your orders are by maggiejean — 65
19) Orwell had it right by rabel — 63
20) Occupy and RIDICULE! by zenbassoon — 63
21) God Bless those Marines... by Proud Mom and Grandma — 61
22) Bad hip and back, huh? Must of been his wallet by Wendys Wink — 60
23) The world is watching by Ryepower12 — 59
24) Permit Me to Respond Thusly: by Gooserock — 59
25) : by FrostyKotex — 59
26) In my opinion excellent, superlative, . . . by LWelsch — 56
27) I love that "fuck off" so much by chicago minx — 55
28) There's a difference between seeing someone by samanthab — 55
29) expose - isolate - confine. by G2geek — 53
30) Ann & Sean could make a porn flick together by FishOutofWater — 52
31) everything is going well with cookie by jlms qkw — 52