Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!!!

Bill in Portland Maine

Community

Friday September 22, 2023 · 4:23 PM PDT

2023/09/22 · 16:23

Cheers and Jeers is a weekday post from the great state of Maine.

A Dark and Stormy Night in the Kiddie Pool

It's a highlight of my year—sinking into a Victorian wingback with a frosty beverage and basking in the brilliant badness of the winning entries in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, named after Edward “It was a dark and stormy night” Bulwar-Lytton as "a whimsical literary competition that challenges entrants to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels." The Class of 2023 has been unveiled by the English department at San Jose State University. Here’s a few:

For the third time this week, Lassie dragged Timmy from the well, and while she performed CPR wondered when the Martins would have the good sense to connect to the public water supply instead of living in their libertarian fantasy-world of self-reliance.

—J. Phillips, New Jersey (Children’s Lit & YA)

Continued…

CORRECTION TO OUR POLL: Due to a delay on the arrival of my brain upgrade software, the Pennsylvania poll option is in error. Josh Shapiro is now Pennsylvania’s governor, not Tom Wolf. C&J regrets the error. Keystone Staters are free to mock me as a native dim-bulb Ohioan at will.

Poll

646 votes Show Results

Who won the week?

The tens of thousands who attended the huge climate march in the streets of New York City

The striking UAW autoworkers, as negotiations continue for fairer wages and benefits

Pennsylvanians, as Lindsay Powell's win keeps the state House under Democratic control, and Gov. Tom Wolf makes PA the 24th state to implement automatic voter registration

President Biden: frees hostages from Iran's clutches; speaks softly and carries big stick at UN; launches American Climate Corps; expands protected status to Venezuelan migrants

Taylor Swift, who on Voter Registration Day asked her fans to register at Vote.org, and they responded at a rate of 13,000 every 30 minutes (over 35,000 total)

Thousands of LGBTQ+ veterans who were kicked out of the military during 'don’t ask, don’t tell,' as the Pentagon announces it will upgrade their military records so they can access benefits and services they deserve

Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg, for owning House Republicans who tried and failed to grill him in a hearing Wednesday, but not before he completed his first Iron Man triathlon

Marriage-equality champion Rita Lin, confirmed by the Senate and now the first Chinese-American woman to serve on the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of California

John Fetterman, for owning the MAGA cult just by being himself. (Or is he someone else? Ooga Booga!!!)

646 votes Vote Now!

Who won the week?

The tens of thousands who attended the huge climate march in the streets of New York City

43 votes

The striking UAW autoworkers, as negotiations continue for fairer wages and benefits

119 votes

Pennsylvanians, as Lindsay Powell's win keeps the state House under Democratic control, and Gov. Tom Wolf makes PA the 24th state to implement automatic voter registration

46 votes

President Biden: frees hostages from Iran's clutches; speaks softly and carries big stick at UN; launches American Climate Corps; expands protected status to Venezuelan migrants

142 votes

Taylor Swift, who on Voter Registration Day asked her fans to register at Vote.org, and they responded at a rate of 13,000 every 30 minutes (over 35,000 total)

54 votes

63 votes

Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg, for owning House Republicans who tried and failed to grill him in a hearing Wednesday, but not before he completed his first Iron Man triathlon

35 votes

Marriage-equality champion Rita Lin, confirmed by the Senate and now the first Chinese-American woman to serve on the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of California

4 votes

John Fetterman, for owning the MAGA cult just by being himself. (Or is he someone else? Ooga Booga!!!)

140 votes

Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

Bill in Portland Maine

Community

Thursday September 21, 2023 · 4:50 AM PDT

2023/09/21 · 04:50

Cheers and Jeers is a weekday post from the great state of Maine.

Great Moments in Looking Dumb

A baker’s dozen years ago, this idiot—Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council—opened his mouth hole as the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was in the process of being carried out:

"I know a lot of people point to militaries that have allowed homosexuality within the ranks—there’s twenty-five of almost two hundred nations but the top militaries in the world do not allow homosexuality to be openly engaged in, in the military—I mean, if you want a military that just does parades and stuff like that then I guess that’s okay."

Well, guess what, Tony?

Continued...

Poll

469 votes Show Results

Should any senator who either had a hand in overthrowing the U.S. government or deliberately allowing child poverty to double overnight have any right to weigh in on the chamber's dress code?

469 votes Vote Now!

Should any senator who either had a hand in overthrowing the U.S. government or deliberately allowing child poverty to double overnight have any right to weigh in on the chamber's dress code?

Yes

5 votes

457 votes

Not sure/No opinion

7 votes

Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

Bill in Portland Maine

Community

Wednesday September 20, 2023 · 4:51 AM PDT

2023/09/20 · 04:51

Cheers and Jeers is a weekday post from the great state of Maine.

A Few Words from the September Birthday Kids' Table

“I'm trying to get people to see that we are our brother's keeper. Red, white, black, brown or yellow, rich or poor, we all have the blues.”

—B.B. King

“We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.”

—Elie Wiesel

"Fighting aging is like the War on Drugs. It's expensive, does more harm than good, and has been proven to never end."

—Amy Poehler

Continued...

Poll

463 votes Show Results

Have you ever scribbled to-do and grocery lists on classified documents and then told your assistant to lie to the feds about it?

463 votes Vote Now!

Have you ever scribbled to-do and grocery lists on classified documents and then told your assistant to lie to the feds about it?

Yes

41 votes

356 votes

Not sure/No opinion

66 votes

Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

Bill in Portland Maine

Community

Tuesday September 19, 2023 · 4:50 AM PDT

2023/09/19 · 04:50

Cheers and Jeers is a weekday post from the great state of Maine.

The Swashbucklin’ 19th

Avast me hearties and suchlike. It's me, Captain Billybeard, fear-instiller of the deep blue kiddie pool. For thems who don't knows, today is the blow-me-downest day of the year: International Talk Like A Pirate Day. And arrrway we go…

President Biden: "By 2035 we’ll all be drivin’ electric carrrs!"

Democratic strategist: "That Whitmer lass is a rising starrr."

Winston Churchill: "Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves, that if the British Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will still say, 'This was their finest arrr!'"

Continued...

Poll

476 votes Show Results

I will remind you that you're under oath. Do you have the missing F-35?

476 votes Vote Now!

I will remind you that you're under oath. Do you have the missing F-35?

Yes

34 votes

166 votes

I plead the fifth

276 votes

Cheers and Jeers: Monday

Bill in Portland Maine

Community

Monday September 18, 2023 · 4:49 AM PDT

2023/09/18 · 04:49

Cheers and Jeers is a weekday post from the great state of Maine.

The Week Ahead

Monday House Republicans inch closer to an impeachment inquiry into President Joe Biden, on charges of “This, that, and the other thing. Y’know...impeachy stuff.”

The autoworkers strike continues into its fourth day when UAW representatives turn down management’s latest offer of free Yosemite Sam mud flaps and a year’s worth of pine-scented rear-view mirror air fresheners.

Continued...

Poll

751 votes Show Results

Who would be most to blame for a government shutdown, if it happens?

751 votes Vote Now!

Who would be most to blame for a government shutdown, if it happens?

House Republicans

723 votes

Senate Republicans

19 votes

President Biden

9 votes

Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

Bill in Portland Maine

Community

Friday September 15, 2023 · 4:19 PM PDT

2023/09/15 · 16:19

Cheers and Jeers is a weekday post from the great state of Maine.

Wayback Whiplash: September 2014

Weird. Unless I get help from the “world wide web,” I can’t remember a damn thing about 2014 besides Obama was president and I was still writing C&J. Apparently anticipating this Billy brain freeze, we archived some of the currently still-idle late nighters’ takes on events from this month nine years ago. What a simpler time...

"Disney World has become a popular location for Republican fundraisers. A favorite activity is to ride through It's a Small World and deport most of the dolls."

—Conan O'Brien

"Former House Majority Leader Eric Cantor has taken a new job at a Wall Street investment bank. Now he can finally have some influence in Congress."

—Stephen Colbert

Continued...

Poll

942 votes Show Results

Who won the week?

Ukraine's military, for continuing to claw back territory from Russia, winning control of drilling platforms near the Crimean coast, and blasting Russian ships in their drydock

Judge Allison Riggs, appointed to fill a vacancy on the North Carolina Supreme Court by Gov. Roy Cooper, making her at 42 the youngest woman to serve on the court

Yoda, the 4-year-old Belgian Malinois from the BOTAK K9 unit who singlehandedly stepped in and captured that armed-and-dangerous escaped convict in Pennsylvania

Coco Gauff, 19, who won her first Grand Slam championship, making her the youngest American to win a major tennis championship this century

Dollars in bank accounts, as federal data shows U.S. household wealth hit a record $154.3 trillion during the second quarter. (Maybe we could use some of it to bring childhood poverty back down?)

The FDA, for clearing new Pfizer and Moderna covid boosters as new subvariants cause a rise in cases

Reproductive rights in Wisconsin, as a judge rules that an 1849 law seemingly banning abortion actually does not, allowing Planned Parenthood to resume abortion services there

The management at the Buell Theatre in Denver, for throwing classless Rep. Lauren Boebert out during a performance because she was disrupting it like the loud, petulant narcissist she is

Sunday mornings, as Chuck Todd finally disappears from "Meet the Press"

942 votes Vote Now!

Who won the week?

Ukraine's military, for continuing to claw back territory from Russia, winning control of drilling platforms near the Crimean coast, and blasting Russian ships in their drydock

204 votes

Judge Allison Riggs, appointed to fill a vacancy on the North Carolina Supreme Court by Gov. Roy Cooper, making her at 42 the youngest woman to serve on the court

18 votes

Yoda, the 4-year-old Belgian Malinois from the BOTAK K9 unit who singlehandedly stepped in and captured that armed-and-dangerous escaped convict in Pennsylvania

68 votes

Coco Gauff, 19, who won her first Grand Slam championship, making her the youngest American to win a major tennis championship this century

93 votes

Dollars in bank accounts, as federal data shows U.S. household wealth hit a record $154.3 trillion during the second quarter. (Maybe we could use some of it to bring childhood poverty back down?)

11 votes

The FDA, for clearing new Pfizer and Moderna covid boosters as new subvariants cause a rise in cases

50 votes

Reproductive rights in Wisconsin, as a judge rules that an 1849 law seemingly banning abortion actually does not, allowing Planned Parenthood to resume abortion services there

157 votes

The management at the Buell Theatre in Denver, for throwing classless Rep. Lauren Boebert out during a performance because she was disrupting it like the loud, petulant narcissist she is

276 votes

Sunday mornings, as Chuck Todd finally disappears from "Meet the Press"

65 votes

Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

Bill in Portland Maine

Community

Thursday September 14, 2023 · 4:49 AM PDT

2023/09/14 · 04:49

Cheers and Jeers is a weekday post from the great state of Maine.

Hand Over Your Heart Time

Among my private papers destined for display in the Bill in Portland Maine Library and Janitor’s Closet is a ragged piece of construction paper on which is scrawled my attempt at age 7 (circa 1972) to write out the words to our National Anthem—a poem written on a warship, Senator Tommy Tuberville (MAGA-AL) will be very inconvenienced to learn. It's virtually illegible today, so I've transcribed it below to mark the 209th anniversary of the day Francis Scott Key wrote it. (Please hold your applause—he was all goo goo for slavery, a viewpoint he was happy to write into his Banner.) Please stand, sit, go down on one knee, raise your fist, or just wing it, and join me in our annual tradition of singing the, um…

Poll

405 votes Show Results

At what point do you start getting fidgety about the power level on your smartphone?

405 votes Vote Now!

At what point do you start getting fidgety about the power level on your smartphone?

1% to 50%

321 votes

50% to 98%

67 votes

99%

17 votes

Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday

Bill in Portland Maine

Community

Wednesday September 13, 2023 · 4:50 AM PDT

2023/09/13 · 04:50

Cheers and Jeers is a weekday post from the great state of Maine.

Brief Midweek Lesson on Crime

Via Kimmel from a year ago. Criminology Professor Trump knows what should—nay, must—be done with evildoers who steal classified documents...

There’s only one way to handle someone who took highly classified documents! pic.twitter.com/s0WKFqcgZS
— Jimmy Kimmel Live (@JimmyKimmelLive) September 7, 2022

Why, he should bring back Trump University and teach criminal science class from prison when he gets convicted for—[checks notes]—taking highly classified documents. It’ll be standing-behind-bars room only.

Poll

438 votes Show Results

Should America close down for 24 hours so that we can all mark a new holiday called "Conservative Supreme Court Justices' Pity Party Day"?

438 votes Vote Now!

Should America close down for 24 hours so that we can all mark a new holiday called "Conservative Supreme Court Justices' Pity Party Day"?

Yes

148 votes

261 votes

Not sure/No opinion

29 votes

Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

Bill in Portland Maine

Community

Tuesday September 12, 2023 · 4:50 AM PDT

2023/09/12 · 04:50

Cheers and Jeers is a weekday post from the great state of Maine.

Let’s Check the DK Ukraine Relief Tote Board

As we do every few weeks or so, let’s check in on the Daily Kos relief fund for the Ukrainian civilians—and their furry friends—affected by Russia’s daily war crimes. As of this morning, you’ve contributed:

$3,481,471.30

If you'd like to support the four chosen groups—the World Central Kitchen, AmeriCares, Razom for Ukraine, and the International Fund for Animal Welfare—click here and ActBlue will guide you through the rest.

Despite the perpetual whining of the armchair generals, Ukraine’s military continues sticking to the plan, making progress with creativity, tenacity, and a kind of get-off-my-lawnism that Putin’s goons will never figure out how to overcome. Many thanks for your continued support of the civilians keeping things as normal as possible on the home front. It all helps.

Poll

606 votes Show Results

I am...

606 votes Vote Now!

I am...

Right-handed

484 votes

Left-handed

71 votes

Ambidextrous

51 votes

Cheers and Jeers: Monday

Bill in Portland Maine

Community

Monday September 11, 2023 · 4:50 AM PDT

2023/09/11 · 04:50

Cheers and Jeers is a weekday post from the great state of Maine.

The Future of Humanity: A Snapshot

The annual College Mindset List—now handled by Marist College (Go, Fightin’ Red Foxes!) after spending several years at Beloit College (Go, Fightin' Buccaneers!)—is out and generating the usual gasps and titters. The annual “cultural compass that tracks the challenges and celebrates the accomplishments of each incoming college class” mines the collective mind of the college Class of 2027, meaning you whippersnappers born in 2005—the year we lost Richard Pryor, Rosa Parks, and Johnny Carson. Here's a sample of their world:

✌ Dan Rather and Ted Koppel both retired in 2005, effectively ending the reign of network news programs as the primary way younger Americans get their news. Eighteen years later, the class of 2027 will get their news primarily from social media sites like YouTube, Instagram and TikTok, according to the American Press Institute.

Continued...

Poll

687 votes Show Results

Should a single senator (let alone an idiot like Tuberville) have the ability to hamstring the proper structure and function of our military?

687 votes Vote Now!

Should a single senator (let alone an idiot like Tuberville) have the ability to hamstring the proper structure and function of our military?

Yes

6 votes

676 votes

Not sure/No opinion

5 votes

Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

Bill in Portland Maine

Community

Friday September 08, 2023 · 4:19 PM PDT

2023/09/08 · 16:19

Cheers and Jeers is a weekday post from the great state of Maine.

Wayback Machine Goes Back A Baker's Dozen…

With the writers strike still in full force (and good for them), the late-nighters remain on lockdown. So let's go back a lifetime to revisit those heady Obama years and see what they were talking about in September of 2012, when the political conventions were in the rear-view mirror and the candidates were in full sprint toward election day…

"A new CNN poll shows that President Obama now has a six-point lead over Mitt Romney. You can tell Romney’s depressed. Last night he just sat on his couch and bought the Häagen-Dazs corporation."
—Jimmy Fallon

Stephen Colbert: What disappointed me most [about Obama's convention speech] was, he trotted out the same wild claim that Republicans have been working for years to disprove:
Clip of Obama: I'm the President.
Stephen Colbert: That is so arrogant! I bet anything you'll never hear Mitt Romney say those words.
—The Colbert Report

Continued...

Poll

1004 votes Show Results

Who won the week?

The federal court that blocked an unconstitutional MAGA-drawn congressional map in Alabama, and ordered a special master to re-draw it with a second majority-Black district

Democratic telecom attorney Anna Gomez, confirmed by the Senate to the FCC, finally breaking a 2-2 deadlock and paving the road to a return of net neutrality rules

Fulton County, Georgia D.A. Fani Willis, for nixxing Rep. Jim Jordan's demand for records related to her case against Trump & his co-conspirators, saying "You lack a basic understanding of the law"

President Biden: cancels oil/gas leases in Arctic Wildlife Refuge; solid jobs report; celebrates contract renewal for west coast dock workers; 4 million sign-ups for student debt relief under SAVE Plan

The wheels of justice as Trump's favorite Proud Boys terrorist Enrique Tarrio is sentenced to prison until he's old and gray

U.S. District Court Judge David Ezra, for forcing Texas Gov. Greg Abbott to get rid of those razor wire buoy barriers he had installed in the Rio Grande

Mexico's Supreme Court, for legalizing abortion nationwide

The jury that convicted unhinged Trump economic adviser Peter Navarro of criminal contempt of Congress. (He could get 2 years in prison.)

Gabe Amo, who won the Democratic primary for a House seat in Rhode Island, putting him on track to be the first Black person representing the state in Congress

1004 votes Vote Now!

Who won the week?

The federal court that blocked an unconstitutional MAGA-drawn congressional map in Alabama, and ordered a special master to re-draw it with a second majority-Black district

105 votes

Democratic telecom attorney Anna Gomez, confirmed by the Senate to the FCC, finally breaking a 2-2 deadlock and paving the road to a return of net neutrality rules

26 votes

Fulton County, Georgia D.A. Fani Willis, for nixxing Rep. Jim Jordan's demand for records related to her case against Trump & his co-conspirators, saying "You lack a basic understanding of the law"

421 votes

204 votes

The wheels of justice as Trump's favorite Proud Boys terrorist Enrique Tarrio is sentenced to prison until he's old and gray

105 votes

U.S. District Court Judge David Ezra, for forcing Texas Gov. Greg Abbott to get rid of those razor wire buoy barriers he had installed in the Rio Grande

34 votes

Mexico's Supreme Court, for legalizing abortion nationwide

82 votes

The jury that convicted unhinged Trump economic adviser Peter Navarro of criminal contempt of Congress. (He could get 2 years in prison.)

19 votes

Gabe Amo, who won the Democratic primary for a House seat in Rhode Island, putting him on track to be the first Black person representing the state in Congress

8 votes

Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

Bill in Portland Maine

Community

Thursday September 07, 2023 · 4:49 AM PDT

2023/09/07 · 04:49

Cheers and Jeers is a weekday post from the great state of Maine.

Oh! More Things I Know:

❧ There are 61 days ‘til the 2023 elections.

❧ As of Tuesday afternoon, Donald Trump has never heard of Enrique Tarrio.

❧ Democrats feel your pain. Republicans inflict pain. No Labels wonders why we can’t strike a happy balance between feeling it and inflicting it.

❧ One of the more unexplainable things about the BA.2.86 variant of the Covid virus when you look through a microscope is it wears corduroys.

Continued...

Poll

745 votes Show Results

Do you agree with the Interior Department's decision to cancel oil & gas leases in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge that were sold to an Alaska industrial developer by the previous administration?

745 votes Vote Now!

Do you agree with the Interior Department's decision to cancel oil & gas leases in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge that were sold to an Alaska industrial developer by the previous administration?

Yes

735 votes

3 votes

Not sure/No opinion

7 votes

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