Raise a glass of whatever ya got handy and wish a Happy Birthday to the late George Carlin, who would've turned 87 yesterday. He spent many a glorious decade dissecting language, culture, politics and human nature, wielding a comedic scalpel and jackhammer with equal dexterity. All the reason we need to take a moment to revisit a smidgen of the Carlin moments that made Carlin Carlin:
”I choose toilet paper through a process of elimination.”
“Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. After that, they don't want to know about you. They don't want to hear from you. No nothing. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're fucked.”
“Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?”
“Let’s start with faith-based, which was chosen by the right-wing holy people to replace the word religion in political contexts. In other words, they’ve conceded that religion has a bad name. I guess they figured people worry about religious fanatics, but no one’s ever heard of a faith-based fanatic.”
“Unbelievably, a goldfish can kill a gorilla. However, it does require a substantial element of surprise.”
”I read that some guy was giving up the governor’s chair to run for a Senate seat. Why would he give up a chair to run for a seat? Why not be a judge and sit on the bench?”
“No comment” is a comment.
And from his “Rules to Live By” in Brain Droppings, that could be today’s MAGA cult playbook:
10. Never give up on an idea simply because it is bad and doesn’t work. Cling to it even when it is hopeless. Anyone can cut and run, but it takes a very special person to stay with something that doesn’t work.
14. Beware of the dangerous trap of looking ahead; it will only get you into trouble. Instead, try to drift along from day to day in a meandering fashion. Don’t get sidetracked by some foolish “plan.”
15. Finally, enjoy yourself all the time, and do whatever you want. Don’t be seduced by that mindless chatter going around about “responsibility.” That’s exactly the sort of thing that can ruin your life.
Here endeth the lesson. Happy birthday, George.