MyPillow CEO and quasi-cognizant pornstache mannequin Mike Lindell is still trying to prove the Chinese Communist Party infiltrated our nation’s electronic voting machines to rig the 2020 election for Joe Biden. So far all he’s really proven is that Chinese weevils have infiltrated his brain, but he’s not giving up. Instead of finally admitting he hasn’t produced a whiff of real evidence to back up his outlandish, impossible-to-verify claims, he’s having a garage sale!
So if you’re in the market for an industrial sewing machine, warehouse forklift, or half-spent tube of lavender-and-knockwurst-scented mustache pomade, today’s your lucky day!
Lindell has listed more than 850 pieces of surplus MyPillow equipment on K-Bid, an online auction site for people who are currently on flush #14 of Donald Trump’s comprehensive 15-flush, life-ruining regimen. Why? Because Lindell bet big on Trump, which is a little like putting your life savings on “cerulean 85” at the roulette table. But hey—at least he’s got a purpose.
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The (Minneapolis) Star Tribune:
Major retailers such as Walmart, Bed Bath & Beyond and Slumberland Furniture all said they will no longer sell MyPillow products as Lindell continues to falsely claim that the 2020 election was stolen from former President Donald Trump.
"It was a massive, massive cancellation," Lindell said in a phone interview Monday. "We lost $100 million from attacks by the box stores, the shopping networks, the shopping channels, all of them did cancel culture on us."
Lindell has not backed down from his assertions that there was something wrong with the 2020 election and its results. He said he plans to host an event next month detailing a new way to hold elections.
Another event? Seriously? The previous ones weren’t quite embarrassing enough? Hey, the guy can host as many Kookchella festivals as he wants. It’s not going to change the fact that Trump lost the 2020 election.
Also, stores taking one’s pillows off the shelves because one wouldn’t stop trying to destroy American democracy doesn't really qualify as an “attack.” Walmart eventually stopped carrying Pol Pot Pies and Frosted Mussolini Wheats, too. Because it was the responsible thing to do.
According to The Star Tribune, Lindell’s flailing crusade has “forced major shifts in his business.” After several shopping networks stopped pushing his stuff, MyPillow now relies more on direct sales, trying to stay in the public eye with the help of new TV commercials, email marketing, radio spots, and direct mail.
RELATED STORY: Mike Lindell claims $100 million in financial losses after election shenanigans
He also notes that the company is subleasing some of its manufacturing space—because what’s required for direct-sales packaging is “different” from what a company might need if its CEO hadn’t singlehandedly alienated all the major big-box stores.
"We kind of needed a building and a half, but now with these moves we're making, we can get it down to our one building," he said.
Hmm. Where have I heard that kind of spin before?
There’s still hope for MyPillow, of course, despite the potentially apocalyptic defamation lawsuits—from Dominion Votings Systems and Smartmatic—that still hang over his head like the Arby’s Roast Beef Slicer of Damocles.
“If the box stores ever came back we could have it if we needed it, but we don't need that,” he said of the sublet manufacturing space. “It affected a lot of things when you lose that big of a chunk [of revenue].”
You don’t say. Guess open fascism isn’t the can’t-miss business model it used to be. Go figure.
RELATED STORY: Ultimate indignity: Mike Lindell must pay $5M to guy who disproved Big Lie claims
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