C&J Theater Presents…
The Interview: A Play in One Act
Setting: A job interview at an amazing American company
Time: The not-too-distant future
Job interviewer: Welcome to our headquarters! This is a dream job opportunity with excellent pay and benefits, high morale, and a generous retirement package. So where were you educated?
Job interviewee: Florida.
Job interviewer: Oh. I see. Well, thanks for stopping by. Do you need your parking validated?
Job interviewee: Wuhhhhhh???
Job interviewer: Next!
Please spell my name right, Tony Award trophy etcher.
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, August 16, 2023
Note: Today is National Rum Day. Since it must be 5 o'clock somewhere on Earth already (or certainly at the Space Station), the C&J Tiki hut is already open and dispensing a tasty assortment of complimentary Daiquiris, Mojitos, Mai Tais, Dark & Stormys, Hurricanes, Blue Hawaiis, Cuba Libres, Zombies, Bumbos, Coquitos, and, of course, Orange Whips. Do stop by and say hi. I'll be over in the corner making outrageous slurred accusations at a lamp.
By the Numbers:
Days 'til autumn arrives: 38
Days 'til the National Lentil Festival in Pullman, Washington: 3
Rank of the Maui wildfire among the worst in U.S. history: #5
Number of Americans signed up for the federal Affordable Connectivity Program that provides $30-a-month subsidies to eligible US households for internet service: 20 million
Estimated number of jobs created by the climate portion of the Inflation Reduction Act: 86,000
Total private investment (so far) added to the government spending on those projects: $132 billion
Current worldwide box office haul for Barbie: $1.2 billion
Mid-week Rapture Index: 184 (including 4 ecumenisms and 4 dumb things you should "know" about The Rapture). Soul Protection Factor 8 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
Puppy Pic of the Day: The dachshund that will always look like a golden retriever puppy…
CHEERS to fun with numbers. For those of you just waking up from a pre-Monday-night bender, let me get you up to speed: the 45th president of the United States was indicted in a Georgia courtroom on charges of trying to steal the 2020 election. And, yes, it's amazing that there are a total of 10 indictments covering 98 pages. And, yes, it's amazeballs that there are 18 co-defendants. And yes, it's staggering to see a total of 41 charges, 13 of them felonies. But I know what you're thinking: Hey Billeh! What about the takeaways? Are there any takeaways helpfully provided by the media? My friend, prepare to be dazzled…
CNN has 5 takeaways
The New York Times has 5 takeaways
11Alive News Atlanta has 6 takeaways
The Daily Beast has 5 "most surprising" takeaways
HuffPost has 8 “biggest” takeaways
ABC News has 5 takeaways
The Macon Telegraph has 7 takeaways
The Washington Post has 4 takeaways
WLKY-TV in Louisville has 5 takeaways
And the most eye-popping takeaway of them all: Donald J. Trump is now on the hook for 91 counts of crimey business, most of it while serving as President of the United States, across four pending trials. Just a gut feeling, but I think that's a presidential Guinness Record that's going to stand for a looooong time.
CHEERS to Eco-kid power! Before the Trump & Co. indictments came tumbling down from the heavens Monday night, there was court action in Montana Monday afternoon when a judge ruled that, no, stupid adults in the halls of power do not have a right to fuck up the lives of the generations that those same adults constantly claim are “the proud future of America." Gonna be fun watching how this plays out:
In the first ruling of its kind nationwide, a Montana state court decided Monday in favor of young people who alleged the state violated their right to a “clean and healthful environment” by promoting the use of fossil fuels.
The court determined that a provision in the Montana Environmental Policy Act has harmed the state’s environment and the young plaintiffs, by preventing Montana from considering the climate impacts of energy projects. The provision is accordingly unconstitutional, the court said.
The win, experts say, could energize the environmental movement and reshape climate litigation across the country, ushering in a wave of cases aimed at advancing action on climate change.
“People around the world are watching this case,” said Michael Gerrard, the founder of Columbia’s Sabin Center for Climate Change Law.
Fearless prediction: this ruling gets overturned by a higher court. As we all know, in the United States the only young'uns who have rights are the ones who ain't yet out of the womb.
CHEERS to riding the rails. 125 years ago today, in 1898, Edwin Prescott patented his design for a "roller coaster." Followed the next day by a patent for "Ye Olde Hurl Bucket."
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
JEERS to exiting too soon. On August 16, 1977, while sitting on his golden throne, 42 year-old Elvis Presley's heart ran out of steam (or peanut butter, I forget which) and he died at 3:30 p.m. He was supposed to kick off a concert tour in Portland, Maine the next day, but those tickets went forever un-ripped:
Of course, this date has special significance for gaffe watchers: during a stop in South Carolina not so long ago, presidential candidate (Snort!) Michele Bachmann urged a campaign crowd—all six of them—to join her in wishing The King a happy birthday. Someone in the crowd yelled out the truth but she ignored it, of course, since facts are pesky things. Anyway, pay your hunka hunka burnin' respects here, darlin'. Thankyuhvrrrmuch.
CHEERS to celestial miracles. The moon! It's gone! Where'd it go? Did they destroy it with a Jewish space laser? Is this one of Penn & Teller's devious tricks? Ha ha ha, no, silly goose. There's a new moon tonight. Here's one of my favorite new moon photos:
There are subtle differences with this new moon. For one thing it's made of more durable polymers than the old one. For another, it continuously plays Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I think that's gonna get real old real fast. Next month I suggest we go back to the old new moon.
Ten years ago in C&J: August 16, 2013
JEERS to terra not-so-firma. Did you hear about this? There's a giant sinkhole in Florida that's causing destruction, turning lives upside down and scaring people half to death. But enough about Rick Scott's office…did you hear about the other giant sinkhole that swallowed part of a resort? The thing was fifteen feet deep. As soon as they heard about it, state legislators immediately passed a law requiring resorts to be built in the shape of a gun so they can stand their ground.
And just one more…
CHEERS to our favorite left-wing echo chamber. Listeners of the Kagro in the Morning Show know that its host, Daily Kos stalwart-since-forever David Waldman (aka Kagro X), is an excellent radio host. Tough. Fair. Snarky. Fact-based. And fixated on making this a better world for his family, friends and neighbors, their neighbors, and their neighbors’ neighbors.
What you may not know is that it was a dozen years ago this week when he first took to the airwaves. His "Sirius Period" with Armando was followed shortly after by a move to Netroots Radio, and today "Kagro in the Morning”—including regular DK front page guests Greg Dworkin and Joan McCarter—airs live at 9am ET five days a week and you can listen to the podcast any old time.
The Kagro in the Morning Show also helps David put food on his family by bringing in a modest amount of income through the support of listeners like you, and I encourage you to pass along some financial support via the various options he provides every day in his morning post here at Daily Kos. Then settle in at 9 o’clock ET and listen as he kicks off year #13 with another two-hour dose of extra-strength truth-to-power.
Happy broadcastiversary, KITM. Keep talkin'. I think you're starting to wear the other side down.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
After Ducking Zuckerberg Fight, Elon Musk Claims He's Driving To Bill In Portland Maine's Cheers and Jeers Kiddie Pool In Hopes Of Brawl Breaking Out