The Top 15 issues that matter this election season

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Saturday April 16, 2016 · 12:16 PM PDT

2016/04/16 · 12:16

This is strictly a personal opinion, but the following are what I consider to be the top 15 stories which will affect this Democratic primary campaign, in order of priority:

15. Should we have held the debate during the Oscars or the Super Bowl?

14. Which demographic is more predictive: White Pastafarians who earn between $46000 and $46500 per year, or Southern-state immigrants from Uzbekistan between the ages of 27.6 and 27.8?

13. Is “whore” an acceptable word?

12. Why is Bernie stealing all of the support from other Democrats?

11. Why is Bernie still running when he doesn’t have the support?

10. Which candidate is most likely to sit at the cafeteria table with Mitch McConnell?

9. Which candidate will Republicans go easy on in the general election?

8. What’s in Bernie’s 2009 tax returns?

7. Who has the better poll numbers in April for an election that takes place in November?

6. Why haven’t celebrities definitively decided how they’ll vote in November?

5. Which candidate has the nicer supporters?

4. Which candidate has run a nicer campaign?

3. Who called who “unqualified” first?

And the most important issues of all, the ones that will make or break each candidate:

2. Did Bernie receive an invitation to go to the Vatican?

1. What happened at the Vatican?

Sincere apologies to Foreign Policy, Wall Street, Minimum Wage, Health Care, Climate Change, Infrastructure, Government Budget, Tax Havens, Economy, and Campaign Finance: you missed the cut. Better luck next election.

We knew they were hypocrites. Now we have it on record.

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Sunday November 08, 2009 · 2:17 PM PST

2009/11/08 · 14:17

Without meaning to add fuel to the abortion debate, the inclusion and adoption of the Stupak amendment is a fascinating one from an internal logic standpoint. The whole argument against health care reform coming from the Republican side was that the plan proposed amounted to a "government take-over of health care", and that it was important - nay, essential - to keep government out of the patient-doctor relationship. Of course, Obama's health care plan had nothing to with government dictating health care decisions, but facts aren't important to The Party of Neigh. The only thing that matters is that the government has no right whatsoever to interfere with the intensely personal patient-doctor relationship.

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Friday August 14, 2009 · 5:41 PM PDT

2009/08/14 · 17:41

Alright, I won't go on for too long. Much has been made about the Birthers, and the Deathers, and the conspiracy theories that are only around because Republicans think you're stupid. Such conspiracies, even on the surface, are totally nuts. Of course the public would be against killing old people, which would be why the professional liars actually started this nonsense in the first place. But apparently nobody who buys into this garbage asks themselves "why would anybody be for proposals that would kill Grandpa?" It's sheer lunacy even on this level, but that's not even the biggest problem with this argument.

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Tuesday August 11, 2009 · 7:16 PM PDT

2009/08/11 · 19:16

In the health care debate, much of the consternation from the right wing has come in the form of fear of "socialized medicine". I mean, who wants the States to turn into a stinking third-world cesspool like Canada? I mean, think of the millions of children who still haven't upgraded their Playstation 2! Many of their high-definition TV's are only 720p! They're practically in the stone age!

To match our primitive lifestyles here in the communist utopia I affectionately call "Toronto", we have a primitive health care system which involves single-payer provincial insurance, ridiculous 15 minute wait times for walk-in check-ups, mandatory service by physicians, and emergency rooms overrun with hangnails and restless leg syndrome. It's Stalin's wet dream. But this doesn't even begin to scratch the infected scab.

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Tuesday February 17, 2009 · 1:00 AM PST

2009/02/17 · 01:00

In the media wars, the Democratic party has nothing on the Conservative Republican Alliance of Propaganda (i.e. NAMBLA). The right wing has way too much money, and are way too loud, stupid and arrogant - thus too attention-whorey - for serious solution-oriented political wonks to compete for public attention. This is why a genuinely "fair and balanced" approach will not yield fair and balanced results, and why the party who better represents mainstream values is constantly facing an upstream battle. For far too long, the right wingers have pushed the meme that media bias and partisanship are what is wrong with American political journalism. And in an brain-dead act of spectacular impotence, the more traditional "centrist" outlets bought in to this bullshit in the name of ratings. Fox News couldn't have this level of success of framing the debate without a little help from their alternatives. I know all the 24-hour networks have a hard-on for "balance", but all one has to do is look at the results to see that maybe something else is wrong.

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Thursday October 30, 2008 · 12:48 PM PDT

2008/10/30 · 12:48

Short diary.

Man, oh, man. They know how to throw a lot of unsubstantiated bullshit, yet they expect that they never have to back it up.

On CNN Newsroom, Rick "taser" Sanchez had McCain supporter and Weekly Standard columnist Michael Goldfarb to spread more muck about Barack Obama. the usual charges came up, most notably Barack Obama's BFF's - Bill Ayers and Rashid Khalidi.

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Wednesday October 29, 2008 · 9:16 AM PDT

2008/10/29 · 09:16

How do you decide whether the person you're talking to is a liberal or conservative? Here's a subtle tell: if the number of mentions of "liberal left-wing media" or "in the tank for Obama" is greater than 5 per sentence, you are speaking to a conservative. Now, we all know that the concept of an over-arching liberal bias in the media is complete and utter rhino shit and a total fabrication. Unfortunately, judgments of the claim's merit is ultimately beside the point. The fact that media judgment is now viewed through the lens of "biased vs. unbiased" reflects an undesirable shift in the criteria by which we judge the media's credibility and performance.

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Wednesday October 15, 2008 · 9:51 PM PDT

2008/10/15 · 21:51

The CNN round-table of all 72 pundits got in their opinion. They all claimed this was by far McCain's best, and probably Obama's worst. BO looked too "professorial" (i.e. smart) and "stoic" (i.e. cool), while McCain "was on the offensive" (i.e. a condescending prick), and "passionate" (i.e. his forehead ballooned to the size and shape of the Epcot Center). No surprise there - CNN is DESPERATE to make this a horse race. Well, he snap-shot polls are in, and they showed an overwhelming Obama victory. No surprise there, either. So what did the best political team on television miss?

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Monday September 22, 2008 · 10:43 PM PDT

2008/09/22 · 22:43

Ahhh, the "e" word... the (please excuse the Canadian spelling throughout) favourite attack by Republicans on Obama, and the favourite trait to ignore within their own candidates. "Barack Obama simply lacks the experience to be president", hammers John McCain. Of course, not everybody sees this as such a detriment: "Isn't Sarah Palin a wonderful VP choice?", quoted an inside Republican, in clear disagreement with McCain on the experience issue. That Republican? John McCain.

Clearly, this line of attack has gained significant traction within the electorate, as revealed by a recent AP poll taken September 12, 2008:

Fully 47 percent say Obama lacks the proper experience — an even worse reading than the 36 percent who had the same criticism about McCain running mate Sarah Palin, serving her second year as Alaska governor after being a small-town mayor.

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Sunday September 21, 2008 · 1:06 PM PDT

2008/09/21 · 13:06

David Olive wrote an excellent article in yesterday's Toronto Star about the John McCain circus of lies. Leave it to the Canadian media to cut through the spin with an ease that puts the American media to shame (not a difficult job by any stretch).

The article, entitled News media abetting 'carnival of lies', makes the obvious point of John McCain's strategy to lie consistently and shamelessly, providing a laundry list of examples to illustrate his point (e.g. "Obama would rather lose a war than lose an election", lipstick-gate). The most important point he made in doing so, however, was to expose the media's complicity in abetting this series of lies out of fear of appearing "biased":

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Tuesday September 16, 2008 · 10:56 AM PDT

2008/09/16 · 10:56

I present to you, fellow Kossacks, the scientific laws of Republican Campaigning. They have been perfected by the finest team of mathematicians (i.e. me + a bag of Doritos), and have been accepted by the community at large (i.e. me) as irrefutable fundamental truths. These are very much in the same mathematical vein as Godwin's Law.

Feel free to add your own.

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Monday September 15, 2008 · 12:08 PM PDT

2008/09/15 · 12:08

Thanks to Crooks And Liars for breaking this story.

I should warn that before we react with uncontrollable rage, there is no word yet as to who is behind these push polls. However, the Republican Party is all-too-familiar with these types of tactics - nobody knows this better than John McCain himself - and their past history certainly allows us to start asking questions.

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The Top 15 issues that matter this election season

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The Pivotal Moment From Tonight's Debate

Why is "experience" so valuable, anyways?

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Laws That Republicans Actually Obey

Push Polls link Obama to Palestine Liberation Organization