The Week In Satiric review

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Friday April 20, 2007 · 5:03 PM PDT

2007/04/20 · 17:03

The TV Guide Channel has sacked Joan Rivers and her daughter, Melissa, from their annual Emmy Awards red carpet gig... But grieve not. They've already been hired to greet hack presidential candidates arriving for prayer vigils following national calamities.

Homeland Security officials have found "rampant fraud" in a third of all visas issued to foreign "religious workers"... Blessed Are the Self-Righteous for They Shall Inherit a Green Card.

A new word-for-word, two CD dramatic reading of the bible stars Terrence Stamp as God, Luke Perry as Judas and Marissa Tomei as Mary Magdelene... And Don Imus does a nifty turn as a nappy-headed Nubian slave.

Keep going... this gets better!

Jokesmith

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Friday April 13, 2007 · 1:34 PM PDT

2007/04/13 · 13:34

Former Bush Iraq War planner, Paul Wolfowitz, now head of the World Bank, apologized for helping his girlfriend get a raise at the State Department... Which points up one of the major differences between Republicans and Democrats. Clinton didn't have to pay for it.

British military authorities have withdrawn their permission for those captured sailors and Marines to sell their stories... But not before Faye Turney, the only woman in the group, was signed to appear in Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Issue.

Bush reversed course and agreed to give the Guest Workers Program another shot... Much to the relief of the National Association of Illegal Immigrants who gave him a 21-leaf blower salute.

Don't wonder off----there's more below the fold.

Jokesmith

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Friday March 23, 2007 · 11:47 AM PDT

2007/03/23 · 11:47

After appeals to the Iraqi Supreme Court failed, Saddam Hussein's number two man was hanged this week to Bush's great relief... His head remained attached to his body throughout the entire procedure...

Hooters announced plans to open their first restaurant in Israel... On a site near the Wailing Wall to remind worshippers what they're praying for...

The Pentagon says sexual assaults in the military rose 24% last year... And that's not even counting astronauts...

Don't wonder off... There's more!

Jokesmith

Community (This content is not subject to review by Daily Kos staff prior to publication.)

Friday March 16, 2007 · 3:11 PM PDT

2007/03/16 · 15:11

[] VIP suites at Walter Reed Army Hospital are reserved for government dignitaries, Supreme Court justices, visiting world leaders and enlisted men who have won the Congressional Medal of Honor. And even then, only if they agree to another tour in Iraq.

[] New film "300" glorifies the "Spartan Code" embraced by Marines celebrating war, militarism and battlefield carnage. Bush calls it a "date movie."

[] Marine General Peter Pace calls gay troops "immoral." And after they provided all those muscular, oiled bodies that make the "Spartan Code" so much fun.

Don't wander off... There's plenty more where this came from...

Jokesmith

Community (This content is not subject to review by Daily Kos staff prior to publication.)

Wednesday December 06, 2006 · 10:43 AM PST

2006/12/06 · 10:43

Happy Holidays to you all! Here we go again...

[] Rice tells Arab television: "I'm sure there are things we could have done differently." Like liberate Lichtenstein instead.

[] Acting UN Secretary John Bolton has resigned his post. ... After being told that Michael Bolton stood a better chance of being confirmed.

[] According to investigators, the Bush administration tried to limit compensation to AEC employees sickened by nuclear radiation. George is suspicious of any illness he can't pronounce.

This gets even better below the fold!

Jokesmith

Community (This content is not subject to review by Daily Kos staff prior to publication.)

Friday November 17, 2006 · 10:43 AM PST

2006/11/17 · 10:43

[] Says Joe Klein in Time Magazine: "Bush's decision to delay the sacking of Rumsfeld until after the election will undoubtedly stand as one of his greatest mistakes." Second only to saying "I do" on January 2, 2000.

[] Newsweek Magazine says Rove was so confident of victory he planned to convene a panel of Republican political scientists to determine why the polls were so wrong. Instead, he's convened a panel of Republican proctologists to examine his newly-reamed anal oriface.

[] Rumsfeld is considering various employment options following his tenure as Defense Secretary. Aides say he'll probably accept a professorship at West Point teaching Shock & Awe 1-A.

To be continued post-fold... Read More

Bob Mills' The Week in Satiric Review

Jokesmith

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Sunday November 05, 2006 · 5:05 PM PST

2006/11/05 · 17:05

Head of the National Association of Evangelicals, pastor of New Life Church, presidential advisor Ted Haggard ousted after 3-year "gay-for-pay" relationship with a male prostitute is revealed. Looks like the "gel" in evangelical stands for KY Jelly... No doubt, Ted will enter a rehab program, but experts agree that evangelicalism is one of the toughest addictions to conquer.

Here are some danger signs that your pastor may be following in Ted's sandal prints:

1) Uses the King Jamie version of the bible
2) Holds choir practice at Chippendale's
3) Is constantly rearranging the pews
4) Likes to do EVERYTHING in tongues
5) Insists there was a 13th apostle named Kyle

Lots more on t'other side!
Read More

Bob Mills' The Week in Satiric Review...

Jokesmith

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Sunday October 29, 2006 · 8:50 AM PST

2006/10/29 · 08:50

New Bush Iraq war plan calls for "benchmarks" that will dictate the rate of US troop withdrawal. (CBS News 10/22) So many by Rumsfeld's resignation... So many by Cheney's indictment... so many by Bush's impeachment... and so on...

"When there's more troops present, there's more chance of casualties," said the commander of the US 172nd "Stryker Brigade." (USA Today 10/20) 85th "Stating the Patently Obvious Battalion."

Iraq's top US general Casey says, "'Operation Together Forward' has not met our overall expectations." (USA Today 10/20) Wait 'til he sees "Operation Impeach the Commander-in-chief."

Q: What's the Spanish word for "700 mile fence"? Give up? Answer below the fold... Read More

Bob Mills' The Week in Satiric Review...

Jokesmith

Community (This content is not subject to review by Daily Kos staff prior to publication.)

Wednesday October 25, 2006 · 11:27 AM PDT

2006/10/25 · 11:27

A judge postponed the execution of an Ohio death row inmate on the grounds that lethally injecting a person so obese would constitute cruel and unusual punishment. They may have to compromise and strap him to Kirstie Alley... [] The Florida priest who molested Mark Foley as a youth has stepped forward. Happened while Tom was an altar boy at Our Lady of Neverland parish near Orlando... Democrats are poised to take over the House of Representatives. But Nancy Pelosi isn't measuring the Speaker's office for drapes. She plans to save the taxpayers some money by using one of Hastert's old suits... [] The U.S. population has reached three hundred million. 300,000,001 if you count Madonna's new kid...

More of this stuff awaits below the fold! Read More

Bob Mills' The Week in Satiric Review...

Jokesmith

Community (This content is not subject to review by Daily Kos staff prior to publication.)

Monday October 16, 2006 · 3:04 PM PDT

2006/10/16 · 15:04

Things are happening so fast it's hard for this correspondent to keep up. But here goes...

[] The Army has replaced its slogan "Army of One," used since 2001, with "Army Strong." Complete motto: "Army Strong... but commander-in-chief blithering idiot"... [] Top British general in Iraq says, "We've kicked in the door, now it's time to leave." He's the commander of the elite 108th Bruce Lee-Tony Lama Royal Cavaliers... [] U-2's Bono hitched a ride last week with Bush on Air Force One. He was in town to sound mix his latest CD: "He May Be a Douche Bag But He's Our Prez." ... [] Congressman Bob Ney pled guilty to federal corruption charges and became the fourth Republican to resign in disgrace this year. On a brighter note, Bob's now in the running with Cunningham, DeLay and Foley for the coveted Richard Nixon Toxic Pond Scum Trophy... Don't go 'way... There's more! Read More

Bob Mills' "The Week in Satiric Review"...

Jokesmith

Community (This content is not subject to review by Daily Kos staff prior to publication.)

Friday October 06, 2006 · 2:57 PM PDT

2006/10/06 · 14:57

[] The plane carrying Condoleezza Rice was delayed landing in Baghdad due to hostile ground fire. Seems a couple of our lads whose tour of duty was extended decided that real bullets for the secretary's usual 21-gun salute would be in order... [] Foley's lawyer told reporters that his client is a long-time alcoholic. "Grossly insulting to legitimate alcholics," said Hyman Bloomberg, spokesman for Mel Gibson... [] Tennessee Titans defensive lineman Albert Haynesworth stomped on Dallas Cowboy center Andre Gurode's face, inflicting wounds requiring thirty sutures to close. And to make matters worse, he was clearly offsides... [] Despite being winless since 1995, Patrick McEnroe has been signed to coach the US Davis Cup team for another two years. Kind of like hiring Rumsfeld to teach Anti-Insurgency Warfare at West Point... [] Rice claims she "doesn't remember" a pre-9/11 al Qaida warning from the CIA. And, as a demonstration of her good faith, she's checked herself into lapse of memory rehab... Hey, if you're enjoying this, there's much more on on t'other side! Read More

Bob Mills' Week in Satiric Review

Jokesmith

Community (This content is not subject to review by Daily Kos staff prior to publication.)

Sunday September 17, 2006 · 12:01 PM PDT

2006/09/17 · 12:01

[] Turkey and Pakistan condemn Pope Benedict XVI, liken him to Hitler and Mussolini for calling Islam's founder "evil and inhuman." Said Turkey's Deputy Prime Minister, "He has a dark mentality that comes from the darkness of the Middle Ages... the result of pitiful ignorance." And also the result of hiring Ann Coulter to write his speeches... [] A Senate panel led by Senators John McCain, John Warner and Lindsey Graham rejected Bush's interpretation of the Geneva Convention rules... Bush reportedly told an aide, "I didn't even know about the convention and, even if I did, I wouldn't have attended it anyway." [] Officials in Iraq plan to dig a 60-mile-long trench around Baghdad to keep out insurgents. Once they get the water in it, Australia has promised them an unlimited supply of alligators... Hey, don't go 'way! There's plenty more... Read More

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