For the original letter from Senator Jim Inhofe of Oklahoma and my defacing thereof, see my last diary.
Here's my letter to Senator Inhofe, which I will finally get around to sending off today, along with a shiny fifty pence piece for his campaign. I'm including his campaign leaflet with my own "wacky"captions. (You can tell they're wacky because they're in Comic Sans.) I'll keep you posted if and when I receive a reply/subpoena/cease and desist order.
"Dear Senator Inhofe,
Thank you for your letter dated July 12. You cannot possibly imagine my delight at being hailed as "a good Oklahoman." I have always felt that my ideological home is the Republican Party since I am white, male, middle-aged, and overweight. Further, like you, I am a firm denier of so-called "climate change" and "science." Indeed, I take it a step further: I deny climate altogether. To prove my point, I like to don a parka when it's 112 degrees in the shade. When I come round in the ER, many of the medical staff often remark on the strength of my conviction.
I have got together a group of like-minded individuals who feel that catastrophic man-made climate change is something that we as a species should just "walk off" and is really no match for positive thinking. We call ourselves "The Unmitigated Cnuts" after King Cnut, the 11th-century king of England, Denmark, and Norway who famously turned back the tide with his mind, thus teaching us all a valuable lesson about Man's dominion over nature and the importance of border security to boot. Would you be interested in becoming an honorary member of our group? I ask, because I suspect that you, Jim, are in your heart also an Unmitigated Cnut.
We are currently planning an event to popularize our (and your) view of climate change as "the greatest hoax ever perpetrated against the American people." (You've been punked, victims of Hurricane Sandy!) It's called a Fossil Fuel Family Fun Day and will feature Frankie the Friendly Frackosaurus shooting methane flames from every orifice. You know, for the kids... We would be greatly honored if you would be our guest speaker.
In any case, I also want to express my admiration for the highly informative leaflet that accompanied your personal letter to me. Any document that mentions defense, the Armed Services, and the military more than ten times in two short pages, refers to the environment only in relation to the "hoax" of climate change, and makes no mention of health care, education, immigration, unemployment, transportation, gun control, voting rights, women's rights, minority rights, or any of that liberal hooey, is fine in my book. However, it strikes me that this estimable text could "lighten up a bit." I hope you don't mind, but I've added my own light-hearted captions to the accompanying photos just to show the Wacky Side of Jim Inhofe. Please see my enclosed suggestions, which you are free to use as amusing party favors at your lavish fundraiser dinners. I am available as a speechwriter should anyone in your current staff resign, say, in a fit of conscience.
Finally, in the spirit of the "quid pro quo" offered in your letter ("Our campaign's most generous benefactors will be my special guests for parties and briefings from national conservative leaders"), I have decided to offer you a "quid," or half a one, from my native England in honor of the recent Royal Birth. Please find enclosed for your campaign a shiny fifty pence piece, which I believe is worth about 12 of your dollars.
Yours conservatively,
Bob Lemon
See over the fold for further defacement of Inhofe's campaign literature. Click on the images to enlarge.
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