Hi again, everyone in the Secret Democratic Election Manipulation Task Force. As always, we appreciate your participation in this hidden, non-public corner of our DailyKos Conspiracy Headquarters. Remember to always be careful when you log in; one time I almost used my public DKos account to post a Task Force Action Memo, which might have blown our cover altogether!
Anyway, the purpose of this message is to recognize that, while this week's initiative -- "Romney Secret Videotape Release" -- is turning out to be quite effective, it was almost launched prematurely. Somehow, a couple of unauthorized, non-Conspiracy members seem to have obtained our video clips of Mitt Romney confessing his contempt for average Americans, and they attempted to post them on-line before we had scheduled their release.
Luckily, these premature postings were largely ignored, so they didn't interfere much with last week's program, "Romney Reveals Foreign Policy Amateurism".
So just to remind everyone and keep us all on the same page, let's review again the key elements of our 2012 strategy going forward:
After a successful July highlighted by the effective "Romney Foreign Policy Incompetence Tour" initiative, we were even more successful in August, as we managed to push Romney to select right-wing extremist Paul Ryan as his VP, planted the idea that the GOP Convention should feature Clint Eastwood in prime time (great job, Brother Eastwood!), and had our operatives surreptitiously delete references to Afghanistan and the military from Romney's acceptance speech.
As mentioned, last week's Middle East foreign policy initiative went very well. Now with the Secret Video release in full swing, we have a several more new programs that we're preparing to roll out over the next few weeks. These include:
"Romney Kicks Cute Puppy Out of the Way at Campaign Event"
"Romney Announces He will Nuke Iran on January 31 if Elected"
"Romney Drops Pants during National TV Debate"
"Romney Caught on Audio/Video Calling Obama the "N" word"
"Romney Shouts at Florida Senior Citizen, 'Just Die, You F*'ing Freeloader!'"
So remember, we've got a lot more of these actions yet to come, let's not jump the gun! This is a well-organized, meticulously planned strategy, people! We need to be careful not to mix up our steady, persistent flow of campaign manipulating events. If we allow too many Romney screw-ups in too short a time, people might start suspecting that these are being orchestrated by us... nobody could be that incompetent!