I must confess, my younger brother's a little more hardcore than I am when it comes to his kids' soccer playing. Maybe it's because he has boys and I have girls; I don't know. But whatever the reason, I have come to find out that he is more of a go-for-the-jugular type than me.
Let me explain: See, in the league where my girls play, we have a sort of unwritten "mercy rule." Basically, the rule holds that if your team is beating your opponent by five goals, you have to rein in your players - you know, put your hotshots on the bench, move the strikers back to defense, keep the ball in your half of the field, sharpen up your passing game, things like that. Winning by more than five goals is very gauche. It's just not done. The whole idea, of course, is that it would make for an utterly miserable experience for the kids in the losing team to have their noses rubbed into a humiliating loss.
When I mentioned this to my brother a while back, he got very animated, and explained to me why the "mercy rule" was such a bad idea.
(Also available at My Left Wing)
See, he said, how does it help a kid on the opposing team for your players to have pity on them? What are you teaching them by not giving 100%? What lessons will they learn about you and about themselves if you hold back, out of some misguided sense of "fair play," that in reality is a condescending, patronizing slap in the face? In the division my brother's boys play in, it's no-holds-barred, may-the-best-team-win, baby. No quarter is asked, and none given.
Some might be shocked by the rude, raw Darwinian-ness of it - I know I was at first. Wow, I thought, when he went off on me about it. Oh-KAY! Guess we know where he stands on that!
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that, on a lot of levels, it sorta made sense. I mean, really, who are you helping by giving less than 100% against your opponent?
So the thought occurs to me: I think we owe no less to our esteemed Republican opponents on November 7. I mean, as some diarists have pointed out recently, if anything, giving the way so many polls look two weeks before the elections, the real hazard is that we Democrats might get complacent about our chances, or even feel a bit merciful.
Screw that. Personally, I like the sentiments embodied in DrSpike's diary, Running up the score - It's time to crush them: Who are we kidding? We want to crush these Republican assholes like ants. It's payback time, baby, and as we all know, payback is a bee-OTCH.
Mercy rule? I don't think so.
The concept of "respecting your opponent" is a well-established one in sport, all the way from aikido -
Five principles of Shin Shin Toitsu Aikido (aikido with mind and body coordinated).
* Extend Ki
* Know your opponent's mind
* Respect your opponent's Ki
* Put yourself in the place of your opponent
* Perform with confidence
- to croquet:
Better to respect your opponent before the match than to get burned and respect him afterward.
In spite of the title of Ann Arbor Blue's excellent and uplifting diary, They're Just Not That Brilliant, I believe we would make a grave mistake to minimize our opponents' skill in the upcoming contest. Karl Rove is an old fighter, a lifelong bare-knuckle campaigner, someone who has thrown elbows with the best worst of them. I think we would dishonor him - and ourselves - if we were give the next two weeks anything less than 100%.
Let's show them respect by beating them senseless with the Iraq cudgel that they have so generously given us.
Let us show them respect by agreeing with Ken Mehlman that, no, in fact, we don't want Iraq to become another Afghanistan.
Let's demonstrate our respect by honoring their latest talking point, and asking every single American - not just those in the top 1% - "By the way, now that the President mentions it, just how is your personal economy doing, anyhow?"
Let's show our respect by talking about one of our opponents' darlings, the insurance industry: "How's your healthcare holding up?"
Or, in a bow of respect and gratitude to Mr. Bush, we ask the American people, "How is your retirement looking these days?"
Respect and gratitude - very important attitudes to bring to this battle for the next two weeks. The Republicans are cornered, desperate opponents; they will try anything. We must be prepared. In the best martial arts style, we must use their moves against them. This will not be difficult, if we remain alert. There are weapons - ammunition - lying about on the ground, everywhere we look. We must be grateful to our opponent for calling attention to these weapons, then we must pick up these weapons and destroy our opponent with them.
Or, in more contemporary, urban terms, as Shawn and Marlon Wayans, playing two female characters, say in White Chicks when their bitchy opponents make the fatal mistake of trash-talking the Wayans' mother,
Megan Vandergeld: Your mother shops at Saks.
Tiffany Wilson: What?
Brittany Wilson: Oh my God. You want to talk about mothers? You wanna talk about mothers! It's mother time, okay!
- at which point they proceed to verbally annihilate their opponents.
Heh, heh. When I read the opening paragraphs of this diary, and I think of them in the context of the elections in two weeks, I have to chuckle. It's a very satisfied chuckle, mind you. But, chuckle nonetheless. What does this remind you of:
See, in the league where my girls play, we have a sort of unwritten "mercy rule." Basically, the rule holds that if your team is beating your opponent by five goals, you have to rein in your players - you know, put your hotshots on the bench, move the strikers back to defense, keep the ball in your half of the field, sharpen up your passing game, things like that. Winning by more than five goals is very gauche. It's just not done. The whole idea, of course, is that it would make for an utterly miserable experience for the kids in the losing team to have their noses rubbed into a humiliating loss.
I hope that was as difficult for you to read as it was for me. I actually found myself squirming in my chair.
Now, see if reading this paragraph - again, in the context of the upcoming elections - doesn't make you feel better:
See, he said, how does it help a kid on the opposing team for your players to have pity on them? What are you teaching them by not giving 100%? What lessons will they learn about you and about themselves if you hold back, out of some misguided sense of "fair play," that in reality is a condescending, patronizing slap in the face? In the division my brother's boys play in, it's no-holds-barred, may-the-best-team-win. No quarter is asked, and none given.
Sometimes, it seems like the referees decide the outcome of the game. How do we counsel our players in that case? Win BIG. Win so big that it doesn't matter what the refs do.
We cannot afford to give our opponent an inch. There's no telling how this thing will end up, until all the votes are counted. (Gulp.) Unlike athletic competitions, where the process is transparent and one can predict the outcome with increasing certainty as the final buzzer approaches, in elections, there is no telling what will happen. So we must not let up. We must continue to show respect for our opponent. We must get out. We must make calls. We must give money. We must canvass. We must put up lawn signs. We must each do one thing more than we otherwise would have.
Some might encourage Democrats to, in the vernacular, open a can of whupass on these Republicans.
No, no.
Let us not disrespect our opponent over the next two weeks by bringing merely a single can of whupass to the contest. Anything less than a keg of whupass would be bad form.
Remember what bonddad said just a couple of days ago:
THE ELECTION IS NOT OVER. GET BACK TO WORK.
If we Democrats ever want the chance to practice our love on women all across this country, we must not misunderestimate our opponents. We must stay the course for the next two weeks.
We must work without speculating. It's the only way of rendering this election cycle bearable.
Let us bow to them seven times.
Then let us crush them like ants.