POLITIFORMERS: More than an eye for an eye!
[ Part I - II - III - IV - V - VI ]
Little did you know, but many of our most prominent politicians are actually super-powerful robots, hiding in our midst. This series profiles the Politiformers in the first decade of the new millennium, the Republicons and the Demobots.
Here in Part V be everyone else who, with varying degrees of trepidation, shares the galaxy with the Politiformers. About these amazing revelations of identities hidden in plain sight, there's an old saying: "Fool me once, shame on... shame on you. You fool me, you can't get fooled again." Um, right. Anyways, onward:
THE REST OF US
Republicons
FUNCTION: POLITICAL PARTY
“Have you punched a hippie today?”
Evil, or incompetent? Haha, trick question! Gotta say, this whole thing kind of breaks down from the get-go when you consider that the make-believe cartoon characters actually fight in their own wars. But hey, you go to metaphor with the robot army you have, not the robot army you might want. Careful there, or you might start to question why some of the Politiformers' transformations aren't really much of a disguise. Anyways… Republicons, ATTACK!
Demobots
FUNCTION: POLITICAL PARTY
“…”
[We can’t let ourselves have a slogan. People might expect something of us.]
Descended from peaceful worker robots, their main weakness is that they can't fly. But then every once in a while some of them do anyway. Something about "keeping our powder dry?" Never mind that… Demobots, ROLL OUT!
Corporassons
FUNCTION: MULTINATIONAL CORPORATIONS
“We never forget who we’re working for.”
Multi-faced, soulless, ageless, and inherently evil, they just can't help themselves from pulling strings behind the scenes. Amoral, or immoral? Haha, trick question!
Lobbicons
FUNCTION: LOBBYISTS
“We would certainly try to make the activity legal, if we could. At times we didn't care.”
They serve the Corporassons' every whim. Relentlessly persistent, they seem to have some kind of hive mind. Sorta fickle, though.
Uniburton
FUNCTION: MILITARY/INDUSTRIAL COMPANY
“The solutions people”
In either its mercenary pillage-happy Viking mode or its only-slightly-more-subtle globular industrial contractor form, it feeds on natural resources and the destruction of civilizations in order to further expand its reach and concentrate its power. Though Megadick proclaims independence from Uniburton, it and he are inextricably intertwined, both in terms of influence and cashola. Uniburton's only weakness is one wee little thing: the One True Ring that can only be destroyed... Wait, no, wrong story. It's the Fifth Element, not earth, fire, wind, or... Damnit, no! It's the good side of the Force... Aw, heck. Well, anyways: it's what the Demobots are supposed to stand for but all too often don't.
Washingtron
FUNCTION: CAPITAL CITY
[He said, she said]
Demobots and Republicons fight back and forth for control of this city-planet, the fate of which has great impact on Earth. Neither side can ever seem to vanquish the other for good. (Can't quite put your finger on it, but does something in there seem a tad inconsistent with other parts of the premise? Too bad, welcome to the Politiformers!)
Humans
FUNCTION: POPULACE
“Imagine all the people, sharing all the world…”
Uh, I guess that would be us hapless souls. Also known as "flesh creatures," if you ask Megadick. (But please don't; the less he thinks about us, the better.) Good luck keeping the planet in livable condition!
Obtain the author's permission before reproducing this article in large part or in full. All Transformers comparisons in this post refer to (and in turn parody!) the "Generation 1" cartoon and movie (1984-1987), in the style of “tech specs.” Imagery sourcing is fair use due to parody/commentary purpose, small size, and new composition. There is no affiliation with Hasbro or with the Democratic or Republican National Committees.