A Celebration of J Graham's Life
I never met J Graham and never spoke to her. Yet, in some respects, I knew her well. She passed away yesterday in California.
She was an accomplished musician and as thoughtful, intelligent, and articulate a person as any I have known online. She enriched our lives more than she could have realized. Over the years, JG and I exchanged hundreds of emails and Kosmail messages. I went back earlier today and re-read several of them, quietly shedding a few tears.
The written word can be so powerful, often revealing a great deal about someone’s innermost feelings and providing a glimpse into their soul. What someone might be hesitant to express verbally comes through loud and clear in their writings. A person’s strengths and positive attributes — as well as their vulnerabilities — are exposed through the written word more by default than by design.
It’s what makes them human. Of that, I am quite certain.
You were the brightest of lights, JG.
She was so bright, so full of political conviction, so optimistic, and determined to fight cancer until the very end. She would often tell me of her desire to live a little bit longer and make a difference in this difficult world of ours.
Despite her fragile health, the most important thing on her mind over the past five years was her daughter’s plight: what did the future hold for her? After she’d gone, she wondered who would take care of her? And other such worries, which only a single mother would be concerned about.
One of her endearing qualities was that she was not a self-promoter. A New Yorker by birth, JG was never interested in seeing her name in bright lights. Those of us who knew her a bit better than others were quite aware that she was an excellent writer. When discussing pressing public policy issues, she argued her case calmly, made her points with conviction, and never denigrated anyone. Inquisitive and deeply knowledgeable about a wide range of topics, she was as progressive as they come.
JG was a very compassionate person, always advocating for the underdog. I still remember when her mother, sister, and other family members were visiting friends and relatives in Israel when Hamas’ brazen attack occurred on October 7, 2023. Over 1,200 Israelis were killed, and several hundred were taken hostage, many still in captivity. She sympathized with the victims of that attack and was interested in her family’s safety and return to California, which they did.
In the weeks and months that followed, she regularly condemned the Israeli government’s brutal tactics that have killed or maimed tens of thousands of Palestinians in Gaza. No fan of Netanyahu and the autocratic leaders surrounding him (I’m understating her disdain and intense dislike for them), JG reserved her harshest criticism for tactics used by the IDF. The future remains very bleak for the ones still alive in Gaza, with groups such as Human Rights Watch being severely critical of the proposed ethnic cleansing by the Trump Regime.
If there is one quality that epitomized what JG stood for, it was integrity. She had it in spades. She conducted herself with grace, perseverance, and a steadfast belief in science. She was optimistic that new medical research and experimental drugs to combat cancer could prolong her life. And that she might even have a chance to beat the odds.
It wasn’t meant to be. As French philosopher and author Albert Camus once wrote, “There are times when courage goes unrewarded.”
Throughout this diary and comments section, you will see messages of support for JG from longtime DK community members. Several of them knew her a lot better than I did.
You get a true measure of a person not by what they think of themselves, but by their positive impact on the lives of those around them.
bleeding blue
Optimism.
It was J Graham who suggested that we could all gather a couple of times a month on Zoom to chat and get to know one another during that period of isolation during Covid. This became a 5-year ritual for a revolving group of The Political Revolution group members. JG never missed these gatherings, even if it meant joining us during a car ride, from a treatment bed as she battled cancer, or even from a tent as she sought to escape a moldy apartment.
She shared with us her passion for early music, giving us a chance to watch her play her several types of recorders as part of online chamber ensembles. She was talented enough to even sing in some performances.
JG had recently faced more trouble than anyone should ever have had to deal with: The return of cancer, the moldy apartment, and difficult financial straits. Yet she largely remained positive, hopeful. Her optimism through hardship is what will always stick with me.
Sisterhood.
Angela Marx
It is never easy saying "goodbye" to old friends, and for those here at the Orange Clubhouse, it's the worst.
I hope only that you have had the time to speak with everyone close to you and found some peace in those words. You will be missed, my friend.
Different Threads Make a Whole Cloth, or Community
On behalf of the entire fundraising team for JG, our sincere thanks to the larger DK Community.
Many of you are familiar with the various battles JG fought to contain cancer from spreading. From enduring chemotherapy and other painful procedures to negotiating the intricacies of our convoluted health care system in California, it was, to say the least, a constant struggle for JG over the past five years.
You can read more about what she had to endure in this diary that I posted in 2021, and in another one that JoanMar wrote just last year — She Ain't Heavy, She's Our Sister, and She Needs Our Help.
JG loved the unique cat pictures I found and posted in these two diaries.
Marxists, all of them!
The community members who administer, edit, and consistently post community diaries played a significant role in supporting JG. I placed numerous fundraising promos over the years in diaries posted by DK Groups like PWB Peeps, New Day Cafe, Kitchen Table Kibitzing, Top Comments, Overnight New Digest, and Insomniacs Venthole. My thanks to all the good folks who allowed me to do so.
They’d tell me not to embarrass them, but I’d like to single out three DK community members among the PWB folks who have done wonders for this years-long effort to assist JG and so many others.
- njm5000 — maintains a weekly ‘Community Needs List,’ posted in other diaries.
- Aashirs nani — posts the needs list every Wednesday in the Street Prophets diary.
- BMScott — diligently posts several comments just below the tip jar twice a day, seven days a week, in PWB diaries. These comments highlight various ongoing fundraising efforts in the DK Community and are a lifesaver to those in need of help.
On behalf of the entire fundraising team — some of whom have also contributed personalized comments spread throughout this diary — a huge thank you to those who recommended our diaries, posted comments of encouragement, republished to their DK Groups, and publicized such efforts on Twitter and Facebook. To those who financially contributed to JG’s treatments, our eternal gratitude. Several of you donated generous sums of money with explicit instructions that we never divulge your DK monikers. Thank you, all.
An enduring memory for all of us involved in this effort is the special sketch that ericlewis0 drew for J Graham. In the sketch’s background, please note the quilt that Sara R and winglion made and the Daily Kos Community gifted in 2020 for JG during her initial cancer treatments.
Thank you, Sara, Ann, Eric, and everyone else!
ciganka
Friendship.
I recently heard Sam Adler-Bell describe a person as “a load-bearing infrastructure in one’s emotional architecture”, and I immediately thought of J Graham. Indeed, what began as an acquaintance in a Daily Kos group grew into a once in a lifetime friendship with daily chats and often several-times-a day chats. We supported one another against whatever slings or arrows that life sent our way, we could always count on one another. The DK side of our friendship was about being on the same page all the time. An annoying diary, we’d laugh about it; a great diary, we’d both celebrate it. She taught me a great deal about anthropology, while she eagerly followed the many twists and turns of my historical analysis of various situations around the world.
Our friendship managed to make a better person of me (this couldn't have been an easy task). Her love and friendship taught me to be a more thoughtful person. What is even more impressive is that J Graham made DK a better place. Always ready to engage, J Graham's gracious heart meant that she took time to read what the community wrote — whether she agreed or disagreed with you, J Graham surely spent a great deal of time considering your point of view.
It was her anthropologist’s hat, but J Graham was one of the best I have ever known when it came to putting herself in the place of others and considering what brought them to their point of view. She was a beautiful asset to this community, and her spirit will always be with us. She continues to love and heal us through her diaries and comments.
userexists
Courage.
Although we'd commented back and forth on DK for years, I didn't really get to know J Graham until late in 2021, when I first learned she had cancer. She was so consistently upbeat and cheerful, it would never have occurred to me that she was dealing with advanced breast and bone cancer. The fact that she had been carrying that burden for years and had mentioned it so seldom that I, having missed the first fundraiser for her, had no idea -- well, that says a ton about her right there,
And despite that, she was constantly reaching out to other people, offering a word of support or wisdom, and always, ALWAYS, approaching every day not only as a gift, but as an opportunity for growth.
I'd like to share some words from her that demonstrate that amazing attitude. (She gave me permission to, four years ago - I'm assuming that permission still stands!) She wrote, "[I] just want to thank you for saying this: "There's no shame in admitting fear." I'm coming to see that trying to control anything about this is useless, especially my feelings. I just need to go with the flow, day by day, and let it all out, whatever it is. In fact, just allowing myself to have any feeling I have, including fear, seems to be relieving my overall state of fear.
[...] Already I see ways I've approached life that I can do differently — like not automatically doing what other people want me to, like doing what really moves me to do, and really, really taking better care of myself. If that gets me through this time and as a result develops a much stronger emotional/spiritual/physical foundation for my life going forward, then that will be a wonderful thing.”
Her gift for diving deep into life, taking it every day as an experience to be relished and learned from, was and is remarkable, And to do so with such humility, such warmth and compassion for others — a warmth and compassion she demonstrated in almost every interaction I saw here on DK — made her one of the most kind and courageous people it's been my privilege to meet on this site.
Rest in Peace, J Graham
Our condolences to JG’s daughter and her extended family in California.
I’ll leave you with one final thought. When I first posted this song many years ago in a diary, JG loved it. It is the best rendition I have ever heard of “America the Beautiful.”
Enjoy the song by Odetta Holmes. For many people, Odetta became the “voice of the civil rights movement” in the early 1960s.
JoanMar
Grace.
My Beloved Grandmother was fond of repeating, "Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are."
I cannot recall having had a lot of interaction with J Graham, but I came to know her and her inspirational story through her team of extraordinary advocates on this platform. People I deeply admired held her in the highest regard and that spoke volumes for me. And what a life she led. It is telling that she was a (music) teacher because she had so much to teach about resilience, purpose, and grace under pressure. She taught by example about fiercely fighting back against the odds, about standing firm in one's truth, and about living with intention.
We remember and celebrate her not just for her remarkable story, but for the powerful life lessons she left behind. May her memory be a blessing to her loved ones and loyal friends. Walk good, JG.
elenacarlena
Reunited.
J Graham (JG as we affectionately called her) grew from an online friend to a real friend. We even talked about moving in together! But we realized that my home didn't have everything she needed, so we kept each other company as phone friends. She was amazing and inspirational. She had the kind of attitude that always bounces back: From losing work and family and pootie and health, she still graduated college, studied and performed music, and was ready to work whenever work presented itself! She was a great listener and encourager, kept up her energy and a positive attitude about her cancer fight until the end, and loved her daughter. One would call the other to commiserate, and we would wind up laughing about this or that.
A beautiful light has gone out of the world. But I think a small light of optimism transfers from her to each of us who knew her. Rest in power, JG, and keep all our pooties company over the Rainbow Bridge for now.
![U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) meat inspectors and graders perform their mission]](https://cdn.prod.dailykos.com/images/1378691/story_image/Screenshot2024-12-16at4.20.42PM.png?1734394863 "U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) meat inspectors and graders perform their mission]")
