Cheers and Jeers is a weekday post from the great state of Maine.
Tuesday Moment of George de Vivre
Raise a glass of whatever ya got handy and wish a Happy Birthday to the late George Carlin, who would've turned 88 yesterday. He spent many a glorious decade observing and dissecting language, culture, politics and human nature, wielding a comedic scalpel and jackhammer with equal dexterity. All the reason we need to take a moment to revisit a smidgen of the Carlin moments that made Carlin Carlin:
”I choose toilet paper through a process of elimination.”
“Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. After that, they don't want to know about you. They don't want to hear from you. No nothing. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're fucked.”
“Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?”
”I read that some guy was giving up the governor’s chair to run for a Senate seat. Why would he give up a chair to run for a seat? Why not be a judge and sit on the bench?”
Happy birthday, George...and your seven words.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we have just begun our gradual descent into the Indianapolis area, a descent similar in many ways to the gradual slide of the United States from a first-class world leader to an aggressive, third-rate debtor nation of overweight slobs, undereducated slob children and aimless elderly people who can't afford to buy medicine. The current conditions in Indianapolis: Temperature sixty-one degrees, partly cloudy skies, winds from the southwest and intense Midwest boredom."
“Unbelievably, a goldfish can kill a gorilla. However, it does require a substantial element of surprise.”
To my way of thinking, men have only one real problem: other men. That's where all the trouble starts. A long time ago, men gave away their power. To other men: princes, kings, wizards, generals and high priests. They gave it away, because they believed what these other men told them. They bought into the okeydoke. The bullshit. Men always buy the okeydoke when it comes from other men.
We're Consolidated International, and we might be looking for you. Are you one of those submissive people who show up, punch in, put out, pitch in, punch out, clean up, head home, throw up, turn in, sack out and shut up? That's what we need, people we can keep in line. We just might have a place for you. Consolidated International: People making things, so people have things to do things to other people with.
“No comment” is a comment.
Here endeth the lesson. Happy birthday, George.
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