Cheers and Jeers is a weekday coping mechanism from the great state of Maine.
Late Night Snark: ICE Breakers Edition
"Net migration to the United States is down for the first time in 50 years. Last year we had around 300-thousand more people leaving the country than coming in, and that was before this morning when the State Department announced they'll suspend processing immigrant visas from 75 countries. What happened to us? We used to be the cool nightclub everyone wanted to get into. Now we're an abandoned Hooters."
—Jimmy Kimmel
"Right now there are over two-thousand federal immigration agents in Minnesota, and Trump is planning to send around a thousand more. So he's clearly invading Minnesota. Has anyone told him they don’t have oil? Because the best he's gonna get is 50-million barrels of cream of mushroom soup."
—Stephen Colbert
"The coalition against ICE is so broad it even includes ice."
—The Daily Show's Jordan Klepper
"This is how [ICE agents] are conducting themselves. They would appear to have absolutely no clue what they are doing. This is not what professional immigration law enforcement looks like. What this looks like is military-style weapons and gear given to masked, unbadged secret police who appear to have learned their tactics by playing video games about real wars and fantasizing about being scary to women. And if they think by what they're doing they are attracting people to their cause—or intimidating people into not turning out to protest against them and record what they're doing—they're very seriously wrong about that."
—Rachel Maddow
"The Trump administration is flooding Americans cities with an army of untrained, out-of-shape ICE agents to wreak havoc in schools, neighborhoods and grocery stores, which is why it's no surprise that Americans really don’t like what they're seeing. This is a true thing I'm about to tell you: more Americans believe in ghosts than support the tactics of ICE. It's genuinely difficult to find anything in American life that's as unpopular as ICE. Even that live-action Cats movie has a higher rating on the Rotten Tomatoes popcorn meter."
—Seth Meyers
"It couldn't be more clear: in America today Donald Trump is the sun, and if you revolve around him and worship him his warmth shines upon you. You could shoot someone on 5th Avenue and not lose his support as long as it's done on his behalf. … And so his people are making a bet: that adhering to a principle of forced compliance and coercion will give us a more stable and prosperous America than a principle of shared alliance and common interest. It's kind of a tough bet, because I read somewhere that people have inalienable rights granted by a creator, not a king. So holding that coerced world together is going to be kind of a tall task."
—Jon Stewart
“And the award for most editing goes to CBS News. Yes, CBS News: America’s newest place to see B.S. News."
—Golden Globes host Nikki Glaser
And this on Iran from half of our genius Oklahoma contingent in the Senate…
CNN's Kaitlan Collins: A moment ago you said you were for regime change.
Senator Markwayne Mullin (Fascist-OK): No, I said I'm for [military] strikes.
Collins: You said before that you were for taking out the regime.
Mullin: Yeah, absolutely, because they're the ones murdering their own people. That's different than regime change. Regime change is up to the Iranian people. We're not going to actively remove the regime, we're going after the people that are killing their own people, and that happens to be the regime.
Jimmy Kimmel: Markwayne Mullin uses his brain like most people use a fondue pot—once, maybe twice a year.
And now, our feature presentation...
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