Cheers and Jeers is a weekday coping mechanism from the great state of Maine.
OUR HEALTH CARE NIGHTMARE IS OVER
You scoffed at the Big, Beautiful president’s “concept” of a Big, Beautiful healthcare plan.
You laughed when he said his Big, Beautiful healthcare plan would be released “in the next period of time.”
You tittered again when he said his Big, Beautiful healthcare plan would be released “in two weeks.” And then, two weeks later, “in maybe two weeks.” Followed two weeks later by “very, very soon, so soon you won’t believe how soon it is.”
And here it is!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, after ten years of mighty brain thinkin’ and spreadsheet spreadin’, the greatest Republican healthcare revolution in the history of all the history that’s ever been, in the sense of you’ve got history and you’ve got healthcare and now our Big Beautiful president has, unlike anyone ever, merged them together into TRUMPCARE, is here!
Put on your solar eclipse glasses and behold the blinding splendor of...the Big, Beautiful coupon:
Truly this is God’s coupon, and only Trump could make such a Big, Beautiful deal with the Almighty.
Gout? Print a coupon! Pneumonia? Print a coupon! Arthritis of the rheumatoid or osteo variety? Trumpcare lets you print FIVE coupons! Erectile dysfunction? Print a coupon! Hair loss? Print a coupon! Women’s health issues? Sorry, we ain’t got time for women’s issues so no coupons for you. But, guys, if your junk is bland and pale and you need to rent a testicle tanner? Print a coupon! And when your testicle tanner gives you testicle cancer? Print, baby, print!
How does it work, you ask? F*ck you, stop asking so many f*cking questions. Just go to the web site like we told you, print out your coupon, and take it to a pharmacy. Pharmacy—it’s a word, you know, like “groceries” and “affordability.” Nobody heard these words before, and now because of President Trump they’re saying them everywhere!
And coming soon (in the next two weeks, we’re told): Trumpcare PLUS ADVANTAGE BONUS MORE EXTRA, where you can print out different coupons that entitle you to even more coupons! “Big, Beautiful Trump Coupons for Coupons,” they’re called. And they’ll be issued just as soon as Congress passes the next round of tax cuts for billionaires.
NOW can we please give him that Nobel Prize?
And now, our feature presentation...
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