Greetings, aminal fans! It’s Moondai evening, so time for more mischiefery with a mashery of Ogden Nashery (illustrated)! This is still a little shortish, as yours truly is still on pain medication; but it is an Open Thread, so please feel free to post your favorite illustrated pomes in the Comments also too! Since I am sleepy, tonight’s theme (of sorts) is sleep!
Very Like a Whale
One thing that literature would be greatly the better for
Would be a more restricted employment by the authors of simile and
metaphor.
Authors of all races, be they Greeks, Romans, Teutons or Celts,
Can't seem just to say that anything is the thing it is but have to
go out of their way to say that it is like something else.
What does it mean when we are told
That that Assyrian came down like a wolf on the fold?
In the first place, George Gordon Byron had enough experience
To know that it probably wasn't just one Assyrian, it was a lot of
Assyrians.
However, as too many arguments are apt to induce apoplexy and
thus hinder longevity.
We'll let it pass as one Assyrian for the sake of brevity.
Now then, this particular Assyrian, the one whose cohorts were
gleaming in purple and gold,
Just what does the poet mean when he says he came down like a
wolf on the fold?
In heaven and earth more than is dreamed of in our philosophy
there are great many things.
But I don't imagine that among them there is a wolf with purple
and gold cohorts or purple and gold anythings.
No, no, Lord Byron, before I'll believe that this Assyrian was
actually like a wolf I must have some kind of proof;
Did he run on all fours and did he have a hairy tail and a big red
mouth and big white teeth and did he say Woof Woof?
Frankly I think it is very unlikely, and all you were entitled to say,
at the very most,
Was that the Assyrian cohorts came down like a lot of Assyrian
cohorts about to destroy the Hebrew host.
But that wasn't fancy enough for Lord Byron, oh dear me no, he
had to invent a lot of figures of speech and then interpolate them,
With the result that whenever you mention Old Testament soldiers
to people they say Oh yes, they're the ones that a lot of
wolves dressed up in gold and purple ate them.
Wolves in purple and gold? Srsly?
That's the kind of thing that's being done all the time by poets,
from Homer to Tennyson;
They're always comparing ladies to lilies and veal to venison,
And they always say things like that the snow is a white blanket
after a winter storm.
Oh it is, is it, all right then, you sleep under a six-inch blanket of
snow and I'll sleep under a half-inch blanket of unpoetical
blanket material and we'll see which one keeps warm,
And after that maybe you'll begin to comprehend dimly
What I mean by too much metaphor and simile.
I could sleep here. Srsly.
I Do, I Will, I Have
How wise I am to have instructed the butler
to instruct the first footman to instruct the second
footman to instruct the doorman to order my carriage;
I am about to volunteer a definition of marriage.
Just as I know that there are two Hagens, Walter and Copen,
I know that marriage is a legal and religious alliance entered
into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut and a
woman who can't sleep with the window open.
Moreover, just as I am unsure of the difference between
flora and fauna and flotsam and jetsam,
I am quite sure that marriage is the alliance of two people
one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other
never forgetsam,
And he refuses to believe there is a leak in the water pipe or
the gas pipe and she is convinced she is about to asphyxiate
or drown,
And she says Quick get up and get my hairbrushes off the
windowsill, it's raining in, and he replies Oh they're all right,
it's only raining straight down.
That is why marriage is so much more interesting than divorce,
Because it's the only known example of the happy meeting of
the immovable object and the irresistible force.
So I hope husbands and wives will continue to debate and
combat over everything debatable and combatable,
Because I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life,
particularly if he has income and she is pattable.
Not the same, but lyin together.
Please to remember that Pootie Diaries post twice a day!
The regular Pootie Diaries post daily at 1:45 pm Eastern (on Sundays at 3 pm Eastern)
and the evening Open Thread Pootie Diaries post at 10pm Eastern
Please to show ‘em both some lubs!
And almost finally, please note da roolz:
PWBPeeps is a group that posts a daily diary and nightly open thread for animal lovers. We share photos, seek & give advice about pet health and behavior issues, support each other in times of sadness and stress, celebrate together when times are good, and on most days have an inordinate amount of fun.
Tricia, we’ll always miss ya!
You are welcome to join us!
Here are a few not-too-onerous PWB rulez
Violate ‘em and we’ll say that you drulez
- Do not “Troll” the Pootie Peeps Diaries. If you don’t like animal diaries, there’s no need to tell us about it. Just go find some other diary more to your liking.
- Whatever happens in the outer blog STAYS in the outer blog. As in, no pie fights. This is a place to relax and play; please treat it accordingly.
- If you would like a pic from the comment threads, please ask the poster. He/she may have a copyright to those pics. Many thanks!
- There are some pics we never post: Snakes, creepy crawlies, any and all photos that depict or encourage human cruelty toward animals. These are considered “out of bounds” and will not be tolerated.
- If you’re not sure about an issue...please ask. Someone is always glad to help.
Finally, for those who might like to see our previous Illustrated Ogden Nash collections, they are here!:
The Serious Poetry of Ogden Nash, Illustrated!
More Serious Ogden Nash Poetry, Illustrated!
Still More Serious Ogden Nash Poetry, Illustrated!
Even More Serious Ogden Nash Poetry, Illustrated!
Still Even More Serious Ogden Nash Poetry, Illustrated!
Yet Still Even More Serious Ogden Nash Poetry, Illustrated!
And Yet Still Even More Serious Ogden Nash Poetry, Illustrated!
Continuing Serious Ogden Nash Poetry, Illustrated!
Still Continuing Serious Ogden Nash Poetry, Illustrated!
Still More Continuing Serious Ogden Nash Poetry, Illustrated!
The Resumption of Serious Ogden Nash Poetry, Illustrated!
More Resumption of Serious Ogden Nash Poetry, Illustrated!
Another Resumption of Serious Ogden Nash Poetry, Illustrated!
Still More Resumption of Serious Ogden Nash Poetry, Illustrated!
A Bit of Serious Ogden Nash Poetry, Illustrated!
Another Bit of Serious Ogden Nash Poetry, Illustrated!
More Bits of Serious Ogden Nash Poetry, Illustrated!
The Return of Serious Ogden Nash Poetry, Illustrated!
This is an open thread! Please chat away in the Comments. Enjoy!