Chris Lee's Top 5 Excuses

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Thursday February 10, 2011 · 8:07 AM PST

2011/02/10 · 08:07

I should have listened to John Ensign and kept it "inside the office."

That's the last time I'll ask Roger Stone for dating advice.

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Wednesday February 17, 2010 · 11:33 AM PST

2010/02/17 · 11:33

Promise to get insurance companies to cover visits to nail salons

Wear fake dreadlocks to impress the hipsters

Drop $1,000 bills in play money with his picture on it as he helicopters across the state

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Friday July 10, 2009 · 1:55 PM PDT

2009/07/10 · 13:55

Teach an Abstinence-Only class for horny Republican Governors & Senators

Host a Hunting & Fishing show on the Lifetime channel

Teach Airline Stewardesses (AND STEWARDS) how to wink at passengers

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Wednesday June 24, 2009 · 2:03 PM PDT

2009/06/24 · 14:03

I was hungry for steak but was tired of eating at the Sizzler.

The local Piggly Wiggly ran out of chimichurri sauce.

I wanted a new pair of conquistador boots.

I thought the stimulus funds was mad money.

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Wednesday April 15, 2009 · 8:51 AM PDT

2009/04/15 · 08:51

Be sure to have your own tea bags with you or you won't be able to come! We'll provide the fluids.

And guys, don't forget our 2M4M meeting next week. Bring a friend. We're always looking for new members. Refreshments will be served (Coke & Twinkies).

And you don't want to miss next month's marathon 6-hour meeting of NAMBLAC (National Association of Muscle Boys who Love Ann Coulter). No food will be served.

Top 10 GOP Women John McCain REJECTED for VP

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Tuesday September 02, 2008 · 2:12 PM PDT

2008/09/02 · 14:12

Senator Elizabeth Dole, North Carolina - Too old. I heard she's at least 92.

Governor Jodi Rell, Connecticut - She's from Lieberman's home state. It would break his heart, and I can't take his pouting.

Rep. Marilyn Musgrave, Colorado - Why? Is Rev. Fred Phelps leaning toward Obama?

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Thursday August 14, 2008 · 9:57 AM PDT

2008/08/14 · 09:57

I'm worried sick about the Russian invasion of Georgia, and hope they don't burn down Atlanta like General Sherman did.

I must have inhaled some smog near the Tsingtao brewery.

I got dizzy from walking atop the Great Wall.

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Friday July 25, 2008 · 8:33 AM PDT

2008/07/25 · 08:33

I was sending a text message to Satan.

I thought I saw Ann Coulter hike up her skirt and I wanted to see if it was a she or a he.

He was homeless? I don't see homeless people. They're invisible to me.

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Tuesday February 05, 2008 · 8:45 AM PST

2008/02/05 · 08:45

I have a question for anybody who has the answer. Do any of the pollsters make calls to cell phones? And if so, how would they do that?

We have heard a lot about how many of the pollsters have been so far off in predicting the outcome of the previous primaries and caucuses.

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Wednesday January 30, 2008 · 12:51 PM PST

2008/01/30 · 12:51

Elderly voters got confused thinking the primary wasn't until September 11.

Campaigning at high schools with former Congressman Mark Foley was a huge mistake.

Wearing wingtips and black socks with a bikini not a good look, especially at South Beach.

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Thursday January 03, 2008 · 1:48 PM PST

2008/01/03 · 13:48

Dump wife Judith and marry Ann Coulter

To steal Mormon votes from Mitt Romney, marry Ann Coulter but keep wife Judith

Make his entire staff get "9/11" tattoos

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Wednesday September 26, 2007 · 10:00 AM PDT

2007/09/26 · 10:00

The food there is very similar to American food.

There was no place to spit your watermelon seeds.

Wait, not one person was holding up a slab of watermelon.

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