You heard the rumor that I could turn Texas into a blue state in 2016.
Today, the rumor becomes reality.
Previous states, in publishing order: ND/SD, AK/DE/ME/NH, HI/ID/NE, WV/NM/NV, UT/KS/WV, MS/IA, CT/OK/OR, KY, SC, LA, AL, CO, MN, WI, MD, MO, TN, AZ, IN, MA, WA, VA, NJ, NC, GA, MI (Part I), MI (Part II), OH (Part I), OH (Part II), PA, IL, FL, NY
Before we get to the maps, I have to explain what I did here. The map that I drew for Texas would not be realistic, even in a real Cube Root Congress, because all of these districts are based on total population. Texas, as far as I know, is the only state that draws its districts based on voting population... which I guess means that you don't count in Texas unless you're a Republican, a fetus, or a corporation... or some bullshit law like that.
Since I'm not going to bother trying to figure out even districts of voting populations, I'm going to stick to our normal rules. On the off-chance that the Supreme Court declares Texas's current redistricting rules illegal and unconstitutional, this is what 55 House districts would look like:
1st District (blue): Mac Thornberry (R-Clarendon). Amarillo. 79.1% McCain--not surprisingly, the reddest part of the Lone Star State. Safe R.
2d District (green): Randy Neugebauer (R-Lubbock). Lubbock, Plainview, and Big Spring. 70.6% McCain. Safe R.
3d District (purple): Open. Wichita Falls and Gainesville. 75.3% McCain. Safe R.
4th District (red): Kay Granger (R-Fort Worth). Western Fort Worth and Weatherford. 69.2% McCain. Safe R.
5th District (gold): Open or Marc Veasey (D-Fort Worth). Central Fort Worth. 59.2% Obama. 61.8% Hispanic/Black majority. With Hispanics making up over 40% of this district, Veasey could get a primary challenger, although he has been successful against Hispanic primary challengers before. The new 7th District has a more balanced ethnic breakdown, so Veasey could decide to run there. Either way, this seat is Safe D.
6th District (teal): Joe Barton (R-Ennis). Southern Fort Worth, Burleson, Midlothian, and Waxahachie. 68.1% McCain. Safe R.
7th District (dark gray): Open or Veasey. Fort Worth and Arlington. 56.6% Obama. 55.8% Hispanic/Black majority. In other states, a D+4 would be considered a leaner. In Texas, it's Safe D.
8th District (slate blue): Kenny Marchant (R-Coppell). DFW Airport, Bedford, Grapevine, and Coppell. 66.4% McCain. Safe R.
9th District (cyan): Open. Irving, Grand Prairie, and Carrollton. 55.1% Obama. 59.8% Hispanic. A D+3 in Texas? Yeah, I'd have to call it Safe D again.
10th District (deep pink): Eddie Bernice Johnson (D-Dallas). The southern third of Dallas County. 77.3% Obama. 50.3% Black. Safe D.
11th District (chartreuse): Open. Downtown Dallas and Balch Springs. 72.7% Obama. 50.9% Hispanic. Safe D.
12th District (cornflower blue): Open. Northeastern Dallas. 55% Obama. 53.9% Hispanic/Black majority. Safe D.
13th District (dark salmon): Jeb! Hensarling (R-Dallas) and total idiot Pete Sessions (R-Dallas). North central Dallas, Garland, and Mesquite. 61.5% McCain. With this being the only red district in Dallas County, it will be a dumb-off between Hensarling and Sessions. Safe R no matter who gets the Republican nomination.
14th District (olive): Michael Burgess (R-Lewisville) and Sam Johnson (R-Plano). Lewisville and Plano. 57.8% McCain. Another dumb-off between two incumbents. Safe R no matter what.
15th District (dark orange): Open. Denton and The Colony. 63.5% McCain. Safe R.
16th District (lime): Open. Basically, Collin County without Plano. 66% McCain. Safe R.
17th District (dark slate blue): John Ratcliffe (R-Heath). Denison, Sherman, Paris, and Rockwall. 71.8% McCain. Safe R.
18th District (yellow): Open. Texarkana and Marshall. 68.6% McCain. Safe R.
19th District (yellow green): America's stupidest congressman, Louie Gohmert (R-Tyler). Tyler and Terrell. 70.6% McCain. Yeah, we're gonna be stuck with him for a while. Safe R.
20th District (pink): Open. Nacogdoches, Lufkin, and Palestine. 69.9% McCain. Safe R.
21st District (maroon): Brian Babin (R-Port Arthur). Extreme northwestern Harris County, Jasper, and the Beaumont/Port Arthur suburbs. 75.8% McCain. Babin doesn't live here, but he would have no choice but to run here. The new 22d is inhospitable to hard-line Republicans. Safe R.
22d District (sienna): Open. Beaumont, Port Arthur, Orange, Texas City, and Galveston. 52.3% Obama. 52% Black/Hispanic majority. Nick Lampson (D-Beaumont) could try for a comeback, but with this now being a minority-majority district, the voters may pick a different candidate. Lean D.
23d District (aquamarine): Open. League City, Webster, Pasadena, and the Johnson Space Center. 65.1% McCain. Safe R.
24th District (indigo): Ted Poe (R-Humble). Northern and eastern Houston suburbs. 64.1% McCain, despite being a 51.6% racial clusterfuck. Safe R.
25th District (pale violet red): Open or Gene Green (D-Houston). North central Houston. 74.3% Obama. 59.3% Hispanic. Green could run here or the new 27th, but would get challengers in both. Safe D either way.
26th District (gray): Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Houston). Eastern, central, and southern Houston. 86.9% Obama, the bluest district in this state. 46.7% Black and 40.1% Hispanic. Safe D.
27th District (spring green): Open or G. Green. U-shaped district that wraps around the southern end of the 26th. 65.1% Obama. 57.9% Hispanic. Safe D.
28th District (plum): Pete Olson (R-Sugar Land) and Randy Weber (R-Pearland). Rosenberg, Alvin, and Lake Jackson. 65.1% McCain. Olson lives in the 29th, but he'd have no choice but to run here and challenge Weber. Safe R.
29th District (dark sea green): Open. Southwestern Houston and Sugar Land. 61.4% Obama. 55.6% Black/Hispanic majority. A nice little "fuck you" to Tom DeLay. You're welcome, America. Safe D.
30th District (light coral): Al Green (D-Alief)... no, not this Al Green. Southwestern Houston. One of the most densely populated districts in our Cube Root Congress, if not the most densely populated. 60.8% Obama. 67.4% Hispanic/Black majority. Safe D.
31st District (khaki): John Culberson (R-Houston). Another densely populated section of western Houston. 65.6% McCain. Safe R.
32d District (orange red): Open. A densely populated strip of central and western Houston. 52.6% Obama. 61.6% Hispanic/Black majority. Lean D.
33d District (royal blue): Kevin Brady (R-The Woodlands). Montgomery County and a single precinct of Grimes County. 76.5% McCain. Safe R.
34th District (lime green): Open. C-shaped district around the 33d. 70.2% McCain. Safe R.
35th District (dark orchid): Bill Flores (R-Bryan). Corsicana, Bryan, and College Station. 67.4% McCain. Safe R.
36th District (orange): Roger Williams (R-Weatherford). Cleburne, Stephenville, Brownwood, and the suburbs of Waco. 74.2% McCain. Williams doesn't actually live in this district. Then again, he doesn't actually live in his current district, either. But since this district includes most of his current district, he should be invulnerable to all Republican challengers. And Democratic challengers, for that matter. Safe R.
37th District (dodger blue): Open. Baconmander Fajita strip of Waco, Killeen/Fort Hood, Temple, and Round Rock. 53.9% Obama. 55.4% racial clusterfuck. Could be a good return opportunity for former representative Chet Edwards (D-Waco). Safe D with Edwards, Lean D without Edwards.
38th District (medium aquamarine): John Carter (R-Round Rock). Temple, Georgetown, and northwestern Travis County. 63.8% McCain. Safe R.
39th District (moccasin): Lloyd Doggett (D-Austin). Central fajita strip of Travis County. 64.8% Obama. Safe D.
40th District (firebrick): Open. East end of Austin. 75.3% Obama. 52.2% Hispanic. Safe D.
41st District (light steel blue): Open. Far eastern Travis County, Bastrop, San Marcos, Seguin, and northeastern San Antonio. 50.3% Obama. 53.1% Hispanic/Black majority. Still several points to the left of the state, but we're under that magical 52%. Therefore, this is a Tossup.
42d District (lawn green): Open. Eastern San Antonio. 52.8% Obama. 53.6% Hispanic. Lean D.
43d District (magenta): Open. San Antonio, Floresville, and Schertz. 57.9% Obama. 73.7% Hispanic. Safe D.
44th District (medium violet red): Joaquin Castro (D-San Antonio). West central Bexar County. 54.4% Obama. 59.1% Hispanic. Safe D.
45th District (turquoise): Will Hurd (R-Helotes) and Lamar Smith (R-San Antonio). Northern Bexar County, New Braunfels, and Kerrville. 69.5% McCain. No idea who would win this primary. Probably Smith because of tenure. Safe R no matter what.
46th District (tomato): Michael McCaul (R-Austin). Abilene, Sweetwater, Brady, and the conservative parts of Austin. 70% McCain. McCaul would have no choice but to run here, although he currently represents only a small part of this area. A Republican primary would be inevitable. Safe R no matter who gets the nomination.
47th District (thistle): Mike Conaway (R-Midland). San Angelo, Midland, Odessa, and Fort Stockton. 74.9% McCain, despite a narrow 50.4% minority majority. Safe R.
48th District (sandy brown): Beto O'Rourke (D-El Paso). Fajita strip #3. El Paso to Pecos. 61.5% Obama. 77.1% Hispanic. O'Rourke has a choice between running here or in the new 49th, but he would definitely run here if former rep Pete Gallego (D-Alpine) were to aim for a comeback in the new 49th. Safe D either way.
49th District (indian red): Open. Fajita strip #4. El Paso to Del Rio. 66.9% Obama. 85.2% Hispanic. This fajita strip probably should have been taken into those deep-red West Texas counties in order to lower the minority percentage and still be a blue district. I don't think that Gallego would mind this district, though. Safe D.
50th District (powder blue): Open or Henry Cuellar (D-Laredo). Fajita strip #5. Laredo, Eagle Pass, southwestern Bexar County, Pleasanton, Gonzales, Lagrange, and Dime Box. 54.4% Obama. 71.7% Hispanic. Cuellar could run here or in the new 51st. Safe D with Cuellar, Lean D without Cuellar.
51st District (saddle brown): Open or Cuellar. Fajita strip #6. Clearly, the longest and most pornographic of my fajita strips. Mission, Laredo, Beeville, Columbus, and the western exurbs of Houston. 56% Obama. 77.2% Hispanic. Safe D.
52d District (olive drab): Open. Fajita strip #7. McAllen to Victoria. 56.7% Obama. 80% Hispanic. Safe D.
53d District (gainsboro): Ruben Hinojosa (D-Mercedes). Fajita strip #8. Weslaco, Port Lavaca, Bay City, and Wharton. 53.9% Obama. 74.4% Hispanic. Safe D.
54th District (peach puff): Gerrymandering king and pajamas enthusiast Blake Farenthold (R-Corpus Christi). Fajita strip #9. San Benito, Harlingen, Kingsville, Portland, Rockport, and the suburbs of Corpus Christi. 52.1% Obama. 75.4% Hispanic. Farenthold would be toast in the new 55th against a Democratic incumbent, so he would have no choice but to run here... although he would find it physically difficult to "run" anywhere. Tossup.
55th District (rosy brown): Filemon Vela, Jr. (D-Brownsville). Fajita strip #10. Brownsville to Corpus Christi. 54.6% Obama. 71.3% Hispanic. Safe D.
There you go! If my math is correct, that's 26 Democratic seats and 27 Republican seats. With the right candidate in the open 41st and with the right candidate against the unprotected Farenthold, that's a 28-27 Democratic majority. We could probably push it to 29-26 if we added another fajita strip originating from the Rio Grande. I deserve a lot of credit for this map.
57 Electoral Votes: Twenty years from now, this will probably be a purple state. In a Clinton vs. Trump general election next year, this will probably be a light blue state. More than likely, we're going to call this Lean R.
CUBE ROOT HOUSE (338 required for majority)
States counted: AK, AL, AR, AZ, CO, CT, DE, GA, HI, IA, ID, IL, IN, KS, KY, LA, MA, MD, ME, MI, MN, MO, MS, MT, NC, ND, NE, NH, NJ, NM, NV, OH, OK, OR, PA, RI, SC, SD, TN, UT, VA, VT, WA, WI, WV, WY
Best case scenario
Safe D: 230 (added TX-5, TX-7, TX-9, TX-10, TX-11, TX-12, TX-25, TX-26, TX-27, TX-29, TX-30, TX-37, TX-39, TX-40, TX-43, TX-44, TX-48, TX-49, TX-50, TX-51, TX-52, TX-53, TX-55)
Lean D: 91 (added TX-22, TX-32, TX-42)
Tossup: 67 (added TX-41, TX-54)
Lean R: 8
Safe R: 197 (added TX-1, TX-2, TX-3, TX-4, TX-6, TX-8, TX-13, TX-14, TX-15, TX-16, TX-17, TX-18, TX-19, TX-20, TX-21, TX-23, TX-24, TX-28, TX-31, TX-33, TX-34, TX-35, TX-36, TX-38, TX-45, TX-46, TX-47)
Total: 321 D, 67 Toss, 205 R
Worst case scenario
Safe D: 207 (added TX-5, TX-7, TX-9, TX-10, TX-11, TX-12, TX-25, TX-26, TX-27, TX-29, TX-30, TX-39, TX-40, TX-43, TX-44, TX-48, TX-49, TX-51, TX-52, TX-53, TX-55)
Lean D: 65 (added TX-22, TX-32, TX-37, TX-42, TX-50)
Tossup: 87 (added TX-41, TX-54)
Lean R: 21
Safe R: 213 (added TX-1, TX-2, TX-3, TX-4, TX-6, TX-8, TX-13, TX-14, TX-15, TX-16, TX-17, TX-18, TX-19, TX-20, TX-21, TX-23, TX-24, TX-28, TX-31, TX-33, TX-34, TX-35, TX-36, TX-38, TX-45, TX-46, TX-47)
Total: 272 D, 87 Toss, 234 R
CUBE ROOT ELECTORAL COLLEGE (390 required for presidency)
States counted: AK, AL, AR, AZ, CO, CT, DC, DE, GA, HI, IA, ID, IL, IN, KS, KY, LA, MA, MD, ME, MI, MN, MO, MS, MT, NC, ND, NE, NH, NJ, NM, NV, NY, OH, OK, OR, PA, RI, SC, SD, TN, TX, UT, VA, VT, WA, WI, WV, WY
Best case scenario
Safe D: CT (10), DC (3), DE (4), HI (5), IL (30), MA (16), MD (15), ME (4), NJ (21), NY (42), OR (10), RI (4), VT (3), WA (17) = 184
Lean D: IA (9), ME (1), MI (24), MN (14), NE (1), NH (5), NM (7), NV (8), PA (30), VA (20), WI (14) = 133
Tossup: CO (13), FL (43), GA (23), MO (15), NC (23), NE (1), OH (27) = 145
Lean R: AZ (16), IN (16), MT (4), SC (12), TX (57) = 105
Safe R: AK (4), AL (12), AR (8), ID (5), KS (8), KY (12), LA (12), MS (9), ND (4), NE (4), OK (10), SD (4), TN (16), UT (8), WV (6), WY (3) = 125
Total: 317 D, 145 Toss, 230 R
Worst case scenario
Safe D: CT (10), DC (3), DE (4), HI (5), IL (30), MA (16), MD (15), ME (4), NJ (21), NY (42), OR (10), RI (4), VT (3), WA (17) = 184
Lean D: ME (1), MI (24), MN (14), NE (1), NH (5), NM (7), PA (30), WI (14) = 96
Tossup: CO (13), FL (43), IA (9), MO (15), NC (23), NV (8), OH (27), VA (20) = 158
Lean R: AZ (16), GA (23), IN (16), MT (4), NE (1), SC (12), TX (57) = 129
Safe R: AK (4), AL (12), AR (8), ID (5), KS (8), KY (12), LA (12), MS (9), ND (4), NE (4), OK (10), SD (4), TN (16), UT (8), WV (6), WY (3) = 125
Total: 280 D, 158 Toss, 254 R